Part 3

Satoshi frowned as he felt the first sunrays of the day hitting on his face. He was feeling hotter and strangely heavier from other days. He opened his eyes with difficulty and turned his head a bit just to gasp. Of course, he was. He had brought the younger host back to his apartment. They had slept together. He had asked him to stay and he had. He didn’t know what to expect in the morning but definitely, he would have never expected this. It was obvious that the other was sleeping. Why was Nino hugging him this tightly, almost… possessively? Why was his head resting on Satoshi’s torso close to his heart? Why were their legs intertwined under the sheets? Why did he look so vulnerable? To Satoshi’s eyes, the host looked as if he was seeking for protection… as if he really needed him… as if he really… cared…

Satoshi was the one who had asked him to come with him; he was the one who brought him home; he knew he was taking a risk. Nino may have been someone who made him feel comfortable and relaxed; someone who could understand him more than anyone had ever tried to in his life but no matter what, he was still a host. A small voice was constantly whispering in Satoshi’s head that everything that had happened in these past two months may have been nothing more than part of his job. He may not find his company repulsive but that didn’t mean that he found it charming.

The exact same way, last night may have also meant nothing special to the other. Even if Satoshi hated admitting it, their lovemaking didn’t necessarily meant feelings; at least, the same feelings that Satoshi was trying -not so successfully- to suppress. He knew Nino had enjoyed it. He had seen it in his eyes; the way they were shining, dark and lustful, while his body was trembling, his skin flushed, covered in sweat, as he was asking breathlessly for more. Satoshi’s back had his marks; in his ears still were echoing Nino’s whimpers, moans, numerous calls of his name… He knew that Nino hadn’t lied a single moment since they entered in his apartment.

Hadn’t he tried it in the past himself? During his college years, he had had a couple of nameless one-night stands as a way to forget about his meaningless life, even if it was only for a couple of minutes. Yet, he found no meaning. He realized he found no pleasure… perhaps his body did but his soul always felt emptier afterwards. He had almost given up on romance and love and yet this man crossed his way. So far, he had been the one at the receiving end, letting the others use him as they wanted… perhaps because he didn’t care but this time was different. This time it was different. He wanted to take control… he wanted to make this man underneath him feel him, see him, think of him. He wanted to show Nino how much he meant to him. Nino was giving his life a meaning, he finally had someone to look forward to meeting with; someone that could make him smile for real; someone who had made him feel alive.

Yes… He had fallen in love with Nino… but he was still afraid; afraid to wake up one day and realize that this wasn’t but a dream, he stupidly saw as reality. Last night, as they were eating the sandwich he had prepared, he had taken the decision to act maturely. He was in love with Nino but that didn’t mean that the latter was sharing his feelings; nor that he had to try to share them either. He had tried to convince himself not to rise his hopes falsely, yet feeling Nino clinging like this on him could only make his heart jump funnily in his chest. If his new lover had the need to feel him in his sleep, wasn’t that proving that for him it had also meant something more? At least, subconsciously.

Satoshi’s free hand, trembling, reached for the host’s one that was resting on the side of his torso, letting his fingers brush feather-like the soft skin. His heart almost stopped as he heard the other mumbling something incoherent still asleep, the grip around his waist tightening even more. Satoshi sighed as his hand moved slowly from the fingers up to the arm until the shoulder where it rested. His mouth curved into a hint of smile as he felt Nino moving closer to him, seeking more of his warmth, his head moving slightly upwards, closer to the crook of his neck.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he whispered with a trembling voice.

He had expected a smile, perhaps a few polite words, a kiss on his cheek, like Nino always did when he’d sit by his side at the club but not this… intimacy. It almost felt as if the young host was his lover and that was something Satoshi didn’t know how to handle.

Before he could realize what was happening, he felt his eyesight getting blurry and then, something hot falling on his cheeks; tears. Why was he crying? He tried to find the answer but his mind wouldn’t cooperate. He only knew that he wanted to keep Nino in his arms like this forever. He hugged the latter tighter as it became harder for him to hold back the tears that kept falling heavily on his face.

It was only when he felt the host moving that he realized he kept his eyes closed. Their gazes met for the first time. Satoshi could recognize confusion and surprise in Nino’s eyes as he hurriedly moved away from him. Was it because he was crying or because he realized how close they were? Satoshi couldn’t decide. He only knew that his heart clenched at the sight Nino sighing, sadness covering his face.

“I’m sorry if I woke you up…” Satoshi managed to say in a tiny voice, as he tried to wipe his face with the back of his left hand with no success as it was stopped by Nino.

“Are you alright? Why are you crying?” the young host’s voice sounding, probably for the first time, hesitant, weak.

Satoshi couldn’t tear his gaze apart. Nino’s eyes were now locked onto his; questioning, piercing, demanding to find the truth.

“I’m sorry… It’s nothing…”

“It has to do with us sleeping together.” Satoshi’s eyes widened when he realized that it wasn’t a question; it was a statement. “You regretted it...” Nino whispered, taking his hand away from Satoshi’s wrist, this time avoiding any eye contact. “Don’t worry… I understand. I’m sorry, if I brought you to a difficult position by sleeping this close to you. I didn’t do it on purpose…” Nino grabbed the sheets underneath him, his hand turning into a fist. Satoshi frowned. Was he angry? “It won’t happen again…” the host continued in an almost inaudible voice.

“No!” Satoshi cupped Nino’s hand that was holding on the sheets. “I haven’t regretted it, Nino…” he tried to find the right words to continue but couldn’t; not when the other was sitting this close to him, waiting for an answer he wasn’t sure, if he wanted to even acknowledge it as one.

“But?” the host asked after several moments of disturbing silence, still without moving from his spot. “Because there’s definitely a but following…”

“But I’m afraid…” Satoshi finally whispered before he could even process it himself. He saw the other turning his gaze on his lap, his knees brought close to his face, his jaw resting on top of them. The person next to him didn’t remind him of the host he knew till then. There was no self-confidence; he only saw vulnerability, will to become invisible, if possible. He couldn’t stand it. He threw his arms around Nino’s waist, letting his body weight rest on him. The host was surprised, a soundless gasp escaping his throat, but didn’t say anything. “I’m afraid of realizing that you, all of this may be nothing more than a dream…”

“I know… I knew you would…” Nino whispered, his hands clinging on Satoshi’s shoulders, his mouth ghosting on his collarbones.

“Nino, I-”

“I can’t blame you…” the host cut him off. “You have seen me, haven’t you?”

Satoshi didn’t dare to speak. “I know you have… but I can swear to you that you’re the only one that I allowed to make love to me… your name is the only one I allowed myself to scream…”

“I-” Satoshi tried to speak once again but in vain.

“But I want you to know that you’re not the only one who feels the same…” Satoshi frowned, confused. “I’m also afraid…” finally, the host said and hid his head in the hook of Satoshi’s neck.

“Why?” Satoshi asked but no answer reached his ears. “Nino…?” Nothing. He only felt the grip tightening even more. It was similar to when he had woken up. He could feel the way Nino’s body had tensed. Had he said something he shouldn’t have? Had he done anything wrong? It was obvious that there was something in Nino’s mind… he was troubled about something but he wouldn’t speak about it. Perhaps he was afraid. Satoshi also had been afraid… it was little by little that the other gained his trust and allowed himself to open up. Perhaps, he needed to show Nino that he could trust him… that he would be the one to decide when and what he’d told him. “You don’t have to answer, Nino…”

It was only after he had spoken these words that the other moved a bit so that their faces were only a few inches apart. “Satoshi…” Satoshi was left speechless as he felt the other hugging him tightly, his hands instinctively finding the host’s slim waist and wrapping around it.

“The reason why I’m afraid isn’t because you have slept with other customers, Nino.” Satoshi spoke again, his mouth being lost in Nino’s hair.  “I’m afraid of being happy… Never in my life was I allowed to be happy and you make me feel like anyone did ever before… I haven’t got used to happiness. Waking up, feeling the warmth of your body this close, your soft puffs landing on my chest… It made me feel warm inside… something that can’t be described with words… You may say that I’m overdramatic… a helpless, romantic dreamer… even ridiculous but-”

Satoshi couldn’t continue as Nino’s lips found his claiming them almost desperately, leaving them both breathless. “Never call it ridiculous…” the young host whispered on Satoshi’s lips once he broke it. “Never…”

“Nino…?!” Satoshi noticed the tears that were glittering in Nino’s eyes… his lower lip was also trembling but he continued to stare at him.

They stayed like this without uttering another word, making it feel, as if the time had frozen. Satoshi closed his eyes as he felt two trembling fingers touching his forehead, moving to his eyes, his nose, his nose… moving on the side, caressing softly his cheeks, his jaw… as if Nino was trying to map his face… memorize every curve of it… every inch. Satoshi was trying to understand what the other was thinking. Why he thought there was sadness in Nino’s eyes… why he wasn’t speaking… why his touch was so reluctant…

“I don’t deserve you…” Nino whispered before closing his eyes, his hand remaining in the air before it could actually touch Satoshi’s lips.

Satoshi couldn’t tell whether he had spoken to him or to himself. He was about to ask him when he heard his phone ringing. He clicked his tongue at the back of his teeth annoyed. He knew who this was.

“What?” he said angrily on the phone before mouthing ‘sorry’ to Nino who shook his head with a hint of smile. “No, brother. I rescheduled it for the next week. I…” Satoshi sighed as his brother continued complaining at the other end of the phone. “It’s me who’s the CEO; whether you like it or not. I won’t talk about it again. Have a nice day, brother.” Satoshi ended the call quickly, ignoring the loud shouts that kept reaching his ears. It was the first time that he had dared to talk to Hideshi like that. His reaction surprised himself but made him also feel proud for once in a while. After throwing the phone to his side, he turned to his side to apologize but frowned. Nino wasn’t on the bed.

He put on his briefs and walked to the bathroom but Nino was nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t have left, right? Feeling his heart beat getting faster, he started walking towards the living room when his ears caught sounds coming from the kitchen. As soundlessly as possible, he made his way to the doorframe. Nino had put on his boxers and the shirt he was wearing yesterday while preparing breakfast. He could smell eggs and coffee but didn’t care at the moment. The sight in front of him was mesmerizing. Nino looked incredible in his clothes… in his kitchen. There was something too special in this ‘homely’ view.

His lips curved into a smile when he heard the other humming a song he couldn’t recognize. He wanted this. This simplicity, this intimacy, this atmosphere… he was still afraid but the chance to actually feel his apartment like home, be with the person that gave his life a meaning was worth it. So far, he had never taken risks; preferring to avoid drama… but not this time. This time, luck had knocked on his door… it could be the only time and no matter what, he knew he didn’t want to lose it.   

He made a few steps closer and hugged the other from behind, gaining a small gasp.

“You scared me!”

“I didn’t mean to…” Satoshi whispered before placing a soft peck on Nino’s nape. “You look beautiful with my shirt…” he felt the other tense against him.

“You… you always have to say such things?! What… what happened to the shy man I met two months ago?!” Nino said in playful tone but Satoshi could tell, he was trying to cover his uneasiness.

“This man found you…” the answer was simple and honest.

After several seconds, Nino turned around so that they could look at each other’s face. The stiffness was no longer there, making Satoshi doubt there ever was one.

“I’m glad this man found me!” and with that he leaned closer leading Satoshi into a demanding kiss.

In a blink of the eye, they found themselves on the floor, underwear lowered to their knees, as their bodies moved against one another in a search for friction. Both sides eager; desperate; needy.

“You make me insatiable…” Satoshi managed to say ten minutes later, between his panting, his chest still moving up and down.

“I like this side of yours…”

Satoshi smiled at Nino’s words before brushing his fingers through the latter’s hair. “The breakfast must have turned cold by now…”

“I feel full.”

Satoshi chuckled before pecking Nino’s lips one last time. “I feel full too but I’m sure till it’s time for lunch our stomachs will complain.”

“But…”

“No.” Satoshi hushed the young host by placing his index softly on top of his lips. “I’m not listening to anything you have to say. You need to eat more. End of discussion.”

He chose to ignore the way the other was biting his lower lip and stood up to get a wet towel to clean them before putting back on his briefs.

“How about scrambled eggs?”

“I-” the host tried to speak just to sigh. “I love them.”

“Good!”

They ate in a comfortable silence. Once they were done, he led Nino to the sofa, keeping his hand protectively into his.

“I thought about it a lot. What we said earlier… our moments in the club… now…” he gulped and took a deep breath trying to find the right words to continue. He turned his gaze to Nino and after clearing his throat, he continued. “I have a proposition to make but that’s only if you like me… even a tiny bit…”

He saw the host turning pale, making his insecurities grow.

“What proposition?”

He had to try. For the first time in his life, he had to try. “Answer to me first. Do you really like me? Neither the sex, nor the money I give to you at every visit of mine in the club. Do you like the moments when I speak to you about fishing? About art?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes. Please.”

“I don’t like fishing. I’m getting sea-sick. I’m also not interested in art…”

Satoshi felt his heart sinking. “Oh… That’s-”

“But I like hearing you talking about them” he turned his gaze to Nino, trying to see through him, to seek the truth behind these hazel eyes that were looking back at him. “Because during these moments your eyes get shinier than usually, your voice turns louder, your whole face is glowing… I like them… only because you like them. Does… it make sense to you? I don’t know how to put it in words differently…”

Satoshi didn’t know what to say to that. His heart was beating fast. It did make sense to him. “You mean it?” he asked in a whisper.

Nino smiled, as he took Satoshi’s hands into his. “I do…”

“Do you want us to try?”

“Aren’t you afraid?” Nino asked, a hint of frown appearing on his forehead, causing Satoshi to frown at his turn. Was he rejecting him?

He closed his eyes before taking both Nino’s hands into his. “I am. Of course, I am… but I also want to take the risk… For once in my life, I want to say that I tried…”

Nino bit his lower lip, as his eyes closed sharply. Satoshi was starting feeling the doubts grow inside him. Two minutes had passed by and the other hadn’t still given his answer.

“I don’t want you to feel pressured. If you feel that you don’t want to, then, all you have to do is tell m-”

“I’ll accept only under one condition.” Nino cut him off. “Only if you call me, Kazu.”

 ***

“You’re off fast today, again…”

Satoshi chose to ignore Hideshi’s comment and put on his jacket. He’d always be bitter like this anyway, so there’s no reason to even react. What mattered to him was that in thirty minutes he’d meet with Nino to have dinner together before the latter went to the club.

Since they started dating, Nino asked him not to come to the club again. Satoshi had objected in the beginning, not comfortable with the idea of him smiling and touching other men but hiss boyfriend’s words had changed his mind. He was called special; part of Kazu’s life, as Nino had insisted, and not Nino’s.

The more time they spent together, the more he had come to understand the other. He wouldn’t reveal much about himself but there were small things that gave away his thoughts and feelings. Satoshi knew Nino wasn’t fond of his job. He had asked himself tens of times, why someone as clever as him would work as a host. The easiest question was money; easy money but unlike the other hosts that Satoshi had met in the club, he was convinced that Nino was in need of money. If his boyfriend didn’t want him to be part of that life, he wouldn’t. He trusted him.  

“Lately, you don’t even care to answer. I’m amazed with how much that cutie host changed you! Is he this good in bed?!”

Satoshi froze at his spot, anger filling him. He wasn’t surprised that Hideshi knew; if he hadn’t caught Nino in his mouth, he’d have let it pass, but having the guts to talk about his lover like this?! He couldn’t allow that to anyone in the world. This time he was strong enough to fight back. He would defend Nino and their relationship.

“I don’t remember giving you the right to talk about him like this, brother.” his voice cold, steady.

The other only smirked. “I don’t remember asking you the right to talk about… him.” he came closer, putting his hand on Satoshi’s shoulder. “Let me give you a… brotherly piece of advice, Satoshi. Don’t forget where he comes from… He’s a host. I’d call it a more appropriate version of whore combined with the abilities of an actor. I don’t want my older brother be deceived at the end… Bye!”

Satoshi was left in the same spot, his gaze on the door that closed in front of him. His heart was beating fast. It was as if his deepest fears, his deepest doubts were spoken out loud. He closed his eyes and brought Nino’s image when they’d cuddle on his sofa with the latter in his arms. No… Nino wasn’t lying to him…

***

He was walking towards their meeting point when he saw Nino by the train station. He was about to call at him when he realized the other was talking on the phone. Satoshi had never seen his boyfriend’s eyes this narrowed before. He could tell that Nino was nervous. With his free hand he was holding a cigarette. Strangely, this person in front of him was very different from his Kazu or even the Nino he had met in the beginning. There was a cold and hostile aura around him.

“Listen to me carefully. I agreed into this only under the condition that you would do your part of the deal, yet nothing. It’s been two months and I have seen no deposit of money in my account. My part of the deal is being followed by letter. No! You, listen to me! It was you the one who came to me and asked for help. You told me to approach him and I did. I’m sure you know that everything is going exactly the way you wanted… I demand my money by tomorrow!” Satoshi heard his boyfriend shouting on his phone before closing it.

He frowned. This wasn’t the phone he knew that Nino possessed. This was a way too expensive model for Nino; at least, that was what Satoshi thought. The CEO felt his heart pounding painfully in his chest. Who was the one with whom Nino was talking on the phone? He shook his head in a try to get rid of the ridiculous idea that it had nothing to do with him. It couldn’t…

It was seconds later that he heard soft sobs. He looked up at Nino; the other was crying and was trying to smoke with a trembling hand. He made a step forwards just to stop when his boyfriend cursed out loud and kicked on the dustbin next to him. "What the hell?! What am I supposed to do, now?"

It was hurting him… Seeing Nino hurt was hurting him… Who was that on the phone? Why was his Kazu suffering like that? Why hadn’t he ever said anything?

“SATOSHI?!”

He could recognize the surprise in the way Nino suddenly called his name. He was seen. He smiled the best he could and came closer.

“Hey…”

“When did you come?”

“I just arrived…” Satoshi’s heart clenched at the sigh of relief Nino let out but chose to ignore it. “We should go. I’m hungry!” he took Nino’s hand into his, intertwining their fingers. They fitted perfectly, as if they were made for each other. He looked at Nino who looked calmer than before. There was even a hint of smile on his face. He may overthink about everything… exactly like Hideshi would want. No… he had to have faith in his boyfriend. He had to have faith in the person who would tell him that he loved him with blushing cheeks. He wouldn’t make his younger brother this favor.

TO BE CONTINUED…

A.N. Sooo minna here's part 3! ^^ This time from Satoshi's pov. For the first time he chose to take the risk and try... I know there was no much action but I needed to show that Satoshi isn't as naïve as he might have looked in a first glance. He has his doubts and fears, yet he feels that Nino really likes him and cares for him. Of course, Hideshi wouldn't let him without throwing the hint, right before he heard Nino talking like that on the phone. I know that there's still no explanation on Nino but you'll understand him completely in the next one where we will find out his story, the reasons why he works as a host, why he accepted this deal and what are his true feelings for Satoshi. 

I really hope you enjoyed it and as always your comments are <333!!!

See you soon,

Andy ^_^