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Title: Kako no Sakura
Author: Andy-chan (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
antimiya88)
Special thanks for all of her help and advice:chrysiida_tori Love you!!! <3
Pairings: Sakuraiba (main), Ohmiya, Junba (side), Aimiya (Friendship), Yama (Friendship)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance, School
Rating: PG15 (to be safe)
Summary: Aiba Masaki's a high school student who seems to be the bullying obsession for his classmate Sakurai Sho... Is it just an obsession or there's something more behind this treatment? In what way has fate brought them together in the past?
Warning: In certain chapters, there will be violence, bullying and bad language. So if you are not ok with these things you could just pass...
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boysunfortunately
Masaki kept running until he reached his empty classroom. Breathless he supported his weight on the wall by using both of his hands and leaned till his forehead was touching it as well. Why would Nino be like that? He was always by my side… why does he behave so secretly? Why didn’t he tell me the truth? His right hand turned into a fist and hit the wall with all his might. “Whyyyyy?” His tears kept coming down his face. But maybe he’s in love… I… almost… he sighed. He didn’t even dare to think about it.
“Masaki-kun…” Jun’s voice was warm and calming. He reached for Masaki’s shoulder and turned him slowly towards himself. “Please… I hate it when you cry…”
Masaki looked at him in the eyes but said nothing in return. Jun wiped the tears with his thumbs and embraced Masaki holding him with one hand by his nape and with the other by his waist. “Please…” his voice was almost a whisper “I promise you I’ll never make you cry…” Masaki started crying again as if the tears inside were an unstoppable stream. He had clawed his hands into Jun’s arms and buried his head in the crook of his neck.
They remained like that for a while before Masaki broke the embrace and looked at Jun with red, puffy eyes. “I’ll never make you cry” that phrase kept replaying in his mind. The other has always hurt me and not only physically… maybe that’s the right thing to do Masaki… You should better hurry before he changes his mind… that way you’ll stop thinking of him…
Masaki took a deep breath before he opened his mouth. “Jun-chan?”
Jun caressed his hair putting them slightly behind his left ear “Hmm…. What?”
“What you asked me in this classroom before…” Masaki looked down embarrassed “you… you meant it right?”
Jun couldn’t believe is ears. Don’t tell me that… “Of course Masaki-kun… I was serious…”
“Then I guess that we- well we might give it a try? It’s not like there’s something to lose right?” laughed shyly.
“But you were saying that we-”
“I gave it a thought… so can we… can we try?”
“Masaki!” Jun’s joy was overwhelming
Masaki looked at him closely It’s the first time he calls me like that. He couldn’t help but to think how he was called Masaki by Sho. “You’re mine Masaki…” He tried hard to get over these thoughts and focus on Jun. But when he managed to do it he was already pulled into a kiss. His body stiffened inadvertently and tried to stop it by pushing Jun away as gently as he could.
“But could we just take things slow?” Masaki didn’t dare to look up at Jun
“Masaki…” Masaki remained still. “Masaki” Jun made the other meet his gaze by grabbing his chin. “Don’t be like that… I will wait for as long as you need and you want… ok?” he then leaned and kissed his forehead.
Masaki felt more at ease hearing that. He tightened his hands around Jun’s waist.
“Thank you”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy Masaki”
Masaki looked at him and nodded. “Hun… Jun-chan…”
“You’re wrong here Masaki”
The other looked a bit confused at his comment “What… why?!”
“You’re supposed to say Jun and not Jun-chan” Jun continued on a lower tone “I’m your boyfriend now…”
Masaki blushed a bit and silently embraced the other tightly once again. I have to be strong… I have to let Jun-chan help me get over my weird thoughts and feelings…
“I didn’t hear you” Masaki could feel the small vibrations that the other one’s voice caused on his sternum and laughed.
“What?” Jun asked playfully
“It was funny because I could feel your voice instead of hearing it Jun-chan” Masaki bit his lip immediately and avoiding Jun’s gaze continued “I- I mean… J- Jun” Jun laughed a bit at the sight in front of him.
“You know? If I knew Sakurai’s plan would have this kind of impact I’d literally have begged him to do it even earlier” Jun smirked in the thought of the defended Sakurai Sho.
Masaki on the other hand felt his heart clenching at the hearing of the other. “Can we just not talk about h- him? Please…” he said without changing his position.
Jun kissed Masaki once again this time on his cheek and stroked his hair “You’re right he has nothing to do with us…”
Yes… he has nothing to do with us… Masaki thought and closed his eyes tightly. Sakurai Sho has nothing to do with me anymore.
………………………………………….
Sho was walking towards the old gym feeling dizzy. He managed to get inside where he found a few of his ‘buddies’ hanging out.
Before someone could utter a single word he almost yelled “Leave at once! I want to be alone” None seemed to oppose his wish as they left the room immediately. As soon as they closed the door behind them Sho locked it and collapsed on the floor sobbing with his head buried in his hands. His fists were hitting the ground so hard that there was blood on the joints of his fingers but he could feel no pain.
“Damn it… DAMN IT!” he screamed not being able to control himself. He heard his phone ringing but closed it without seeing the caller’s id. He was sure it was Satoshi but he was not in the mood for little chats. His chest was aching.
Sho started to kick everything in front of him. He crashed some beer cans left from the others on the wall next to him, he ripped off the curtains, he smashed all the chairs and desks could be found in the room. He didn’t stop before everything was destroyed as if he was possessed by some kind of mania.
“I’m your boyfriend now…” “Go to hell Matsumoto… go to hell…” He was heading to the classroom in hopes to meet Masaki and talk to him about the morning. Instead of that he found him being in the arms of that Matsumoto accepting his propose. “How can he be ok with him? Even if he knows that he used to be a host and after he saw that video… How much idiot can someone be?” his tears wouldn’t stop.
But he said it to me earlier… “I can be with Jun-chan however I want”. Damn it… damn it… Sho… admit it… you… like him… even though it hurts so much to admit it since he’s the reason you became like that… you like him… Oh God… feeling his body underneath me was just… and I could feel it... he was reacting even though it was... it was forced. He said it, didn’t he? “I’m feeling like an idiot for having believed something different”…
Sho’s body was left with no power in it. And I caught him in the last days repeatedly having his stare fixed on me… Sho laughed bitterly which gradually turned into a deafening loud one to end up into sobs. Satoshi was right… “Before it is too late”… but I guess now it’s already late for me. Congratulations Aiba Masaki you managed to destroy my life once again.
He leaned on the wall behind him and brought his knees close to his face holding them tightly. Motionless, he kept staring blankly at the floor a few meters ahead of him. It’s too late now…
……………………………………
“It’s me… Inform my mother I’m going to be late today. Something came up” Sho said and closed his phone. It was almost 5 in the afternoon when he left the school and starting wandering around the streets not having any desire to go back to his rich cage. After a while he found himself into a taxi heading to the north of Tokyo.
He paid the taxi driver and took a look at the tall building. It always gave him cold chills. Everything was grey, the floor, the walls, the ceiling. Maybe it’s a realistic way to express the mood he thought and followed the other man to the inner room.
“Sit here sir. He’ll be here in a few minutes.” Sho bowed and said nothing. He was nervous… he was always nervous when he came here.
The door opened “Sho?” a man’s voice was heard. Sho looked up to see a man around his fifties, with dark cycles underneath his eyes and a very thin, almost drained body. He looked way too fragile.
“Father…” Sho’s voice was trembling.
“You have only 30 minutes” said the policeman that had accompanied Yokoshima Tarou to meet his son.
“I know it officer… it’s the prison’s rule” Sho said coldly and looked down on the table until the officer left them together.
“Sho… what are you doing here?” I thought… I thought you had given up on me as well” his father’s voice was trembling “It’s been more than a year since your last visit”.
Sho was looking down. “Dad… I’m sorry… I had things to do… but today I- I just had to see you… but I promise you… there’s not even a single day that passes by without your thought…” he could already feeling his tears coming up. “How have you been? You look tired…”
His father laughed bitterly. “Well, having spent more than a decade in a 5 x 5 room with only a few rays of sunlight… I guess it does make you tired… but let me be… I want to know how you have been.”
“The same… you know… being imprisoned in the beautiful cage with no bars… I missed you dad… the only thing that keeps me from not turning insane in there is your guitar… I keep it hidden in my closet” Sho smiled warmly looking straight at his father’s eyes. “You should know that my skills are now improved!”
His father laughed and discreetly wiped a tear from his left eye. “I couldn’t expect you to still have it…” his voice almost felt nostalgic. It was obvious he didn’t want to break down in front of Sho so he changed the subject.
“How is your mother?”
At the hearing of it Sho’s face turned serious again and laughed faintly. “My mother is dead… that bitch though is living happy with Sakurai” his tone couldn’t have been colder.
“Sho… please… I hate it when you talk about your mother like that…”
“But father please! She abandoned you all alone when you needed her the most… she should have stayed by your side… It wasn’t your fault!!!” Sho’s face had turned red because of anger.
“If she had stayed by my side you would have probably died Sho…”
“Well that would be a hundred times better than be stuck with that rich bastard who changed my name claiming me as his own son and forcing me into becoming the one he was dreaming of. I wouldn’t have experienced all those punishments he gave me until I had fully understood that even the mention of your name was forbidden. They tried to force me to forget who I really was.” Sho bit his lower lip and avoided his father’s gaze. “So I kind of did… I became Sakurai Sho in my own way… It was then I discovered another part of this Sakurai Sho… the one who wanted more than anything to make the others experience the pain he had inside…” he sighed.“So tell me… Wouldn’t it be better if I had died without any help back then? Then maybe I would be happier… But since I’m alive I made one promise father… I’ll make the one who brought you here pay…” Sho’s heart clenched a bit. “I’ll make him pay… even if that means even more pain to me…”
“Sho… please… Stop speaking nonsense… I want my son to live in the present not in the past…” his voice showed agony.
Before Sho could answer he saw his father’s face wince painfully and his hand grabbing his left chest while giving out a loud scream.
“FATHER!!!! FATHER!!!!”
…………………………………………..
The lights in the streets seemed like flashes to Sho as the ambulance was leading them to the hospital. Its siren was echoing in his ears but it felt as if it was coming from far away. His eyes were locked in his father’s figure, lied down on the stretcher, breathing support on his mouth and unconscious.
Once they arrived, it was instructed to go straight for a surgery. It was a quite severe heart attack. Sho felt as if the environment around him was collapsing. He buried himself in one chair and waited patiently for the surgery to end. His eyes were looking nowhere in particular. His mind was absent. He couldn’t accept the fact that his father might die. He was slightly moving back and forth like a metronome. After what it seemed like an eternity, the doctors came out of the surgery room to inform him and the two officers that were accompanying them that his life was no more in danger but it required to stay in the hospital until his situation was fully stabilized.
“He’s transferred to the ICU” the doctor informed the officers. “You can see him through glass if you want” he said as he turned his gaze to Sho. The latter nodded and asked if it was ok for him to see him.
After he was given the authority to do so, he put on his mask and all the necessary precautionary measures and entered the room alone. He almost fainted at the view of his father being under sedation with tens of tubs being entered around his neck area and left hand, connecting him with the support machine.
“Father… please… stay with me… don’t leave me…” his voice was almost like a whisper. His hand touched the glass in front of him as if he was able to reach him. “You haven’t tuned your guitar yet like you had promised me that afternoon… please…” the tears that were threatening all this time to make their appearance finally came. His knees felt weaker and weaker and he left himself fall on the floor crying.
---
“Papa! Look! I can play the first notes of the song you taught me”
“Hmm… Is it so? Let me hear it then Sho”
The 6 year old Sho took the guitar in his hands and quite clumsily started to scratch the strings providing not so pleasant for the ear sounds. But his father was smiling warmly and kept encouraging him to continue.
“I didn’t know that my little son had such a talent!” Sho’s face brightened up and a wide smile formed on his lips.
“Really? I was good?”
“Of course… I’m afraid you’ll become even better than me soon” his father replied caressing his still messy because of the sleep hair. ‘But you should hurry and get ready! Mom has almost finished making breakfast. Ok?”
“Hun. But you know what daddy?” Sho said as he stood up from his little chair “Sho will try his best to become as good as you. I want to play only for the people I love, for you and mummy! So you will teach me more right?”
“Of course… But then I’ll have to tune it a bit so its sound becomes even better ok? I promise I’ll do it as soon as I come back from work tonight”
Sho jumped up and down while clapping his hands happily “Is it a promise?”
His father nodded smiling. “Yes Sho... It’s a promise.”
---
“You promised dad…So please get well soon. Once I get you out of there you have to tune the guitar…” Sho’s sobs were uncontrollable. He remained like that until a nurse entered the room asking him to leave.
He dragged his feet outside but was feeling a bit dizzy. He saw a vending machine. I guess a coffee could help. He sat on a chair close to it and sipped some of the hot drink until his eyes caught his figure only a few meters apart.
***
“Your mother’s first tests showed some small improvement” Masaki’s face was glowing.
“So… Katagawa-sensei is there hope for full recovery?” Masaki’s eyes were looking at the doctor in front of him in a desperate way.
“Aiba-kun… I don’t want you to have false impressions. I’ve never spoken of full recovery… I only spoke of the possibility for a small improvement. That doesn’t guarantee anything but it’s a sign that your mother might be able in the next months to leave gradually the bed and try a wheelchair. But we’ll see… We must first finish all the necessary examinations and then probably you have to attend the rehabilitation program so you can learn the exercises and apply them afterwards at home.”
Katagawa-sensei stood up from his desk and came close to Masaki putting a hand on his shoulder “Aiba-kun I can’t say whether she will be fully recovered or not… It’s still too early to jump to conclusions. If I have to be honest even this progress is remarkable. Her case was extremely severe. I just want you to be realistic and don’t dive yourself into overenthusiastic hopes. They can only lead to further disappointment. Ok?”
Masaki nodded a bit “Yes sensei. I… understand. Please take care of her. I’ll come back tomorrow” he left Katagawa-sensei’s office when he saw a group of doctors running towards the operating room. No… I have to get out of here. I can’t handle it anymore. The moment he decided to leave, the corner of his eye caught him. He turned to look closer and he saw him: Sakurai Sho running next to the stretcher crying with agony and pain, written all over his face. He tried to ask around what was going on but no one seemed keen to give him some information.
He couldn’t take the initiative to leave. Even after this morning that he had been so cruel with him. Instead of that, he came closer and watched him slightly hiding himself behind a wall. He didn’t want to get caught. Why does my heart hurt so much seeing him like this? There had more than two hours gone by and he still wouldn’t move. When he saw the doctors approaching him, he turned his gaze down and leaned on the wall trying to remain out of the other’s sight. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard someone address him rudely.
“What the hell are you doing here useless scumbag?” Masaki startled a bit.
It was Sho. Damn it… I should have gone while it was time.
“I believe I asked you a damn question. What the hell are you doing here?” Masaki could tell he was angry.
“No- nothing of your business” Masaki muttered.
Sho laughed bitterly. He put his left hand on the wall a little far away from Masaki’s ear while the other one was in his trousers’ pocket and leaned slightly forwards.
“Are you having fun?” Sho’s tone was sarcastic but the pain was too clear in it. “Tell me… are you satisfied now… it seems as if the roles are reversed right?” He paused for a few seconds. “Happy?”
Masaki managed to look at Sho in the eyes trying hard to ignore the crazy pounding in his chest. “I’d never be happy seeing anyone like that”
Sho’s fist landed on the wall causing Masaki to tremble a bit. “Don’t lie to me bastard. It doesn’t seem to me like that…all those years that I’m suffering aren’t you happy?”
Masaki frowned. All those years? And then he remembered Sho’s words a few days ago at school “He’s the reason my life turned out like that”.
“Don’t you think it’s enough already?” Sho furthered the distance between them. “Please go to your pretty boyfriend… don’t make him wait!”
Masaki gasped. He knows? He avoided the other’s gaze and turned away. He knew if he stayed more the situation would get more difficult for him and he might end up saying things he’d regret later.
He hadn’t really walked away but a few meters when he heard Sho saying out loud:
“Oh… and just a small warning if something bad happens… I’ll make sure this time you will end up in front of the car with your beloved sakura...”
Masaki’s cores dilated with surprise. He immediately turned to look at Sho who was already walking the opposite direction. Without thinking anymore he ran towards him and caught him by his arm.
“How…”
Sho’s gaze was locked in the ground. “How do I know?” Sho smirked and turned his head to meat Masaki’s questioning eyes. “Simple… that day… the accident that YOU caused turned out to be the turning point of my life…” Sho stopped and took a deep breath. “Now… if you excuse me…” Sho grabbed Masaki’s hand to free himself and left.
Masaki collapsed there… in the middle of the corridor. Sho’s last words kept replaying in his mind “…the accident that YOU caused… you destroyed me…” Masaki curled up on the ground, grabbed his head with both his hands. What have I done?What have I done? And then darkness.
---
“Mommy can we go to the park again? Masaki really loves animals. Lions and cheetahs and tigers and pandas! Please please please!!!!” the 6-year-old Masaki pleaded his mother with his big eyes. It was already spring and everything was blossomed.
His mother laughed and brought him close to her before leaning to kiss him on the top of his head tenderly. “Whatever my little sunshine wants!”
Masaki kept jumping up and down happily. “Yaaaaay! Then… can we come again next Weekend?” brought his little hands in front of him as if he was praying.
“Sure…” was his mother’s answer and Masaki’s energy was at its top.
“But Ma-chan, please make sure you walk next to me ok? This is a big road and cars are really fast!”
Masaki nodded without really paying attention to his mother. His mind was occupied with the next visit at the zoological park next weekend. ‘I want to give mama a present…’ he kept thinking himself, when his eyes caught a few brunches of sakura lying at the road next to the pavement. ‘A! That’s it!!! Mama loves sakura!’
“Mommy?” he said as he looked up to his mother.
“What is it Ma-chan?”
Masaki pointed at the sakura “Look mommy there is sakura. I’ll go and get them for you!” Before his mother could react, he left her hand and ran towards the road where the sakura flowers were laying. All he could hear was his mother’s desperate cry “MASAKIIIIIIIII”
Everything happened so fast… He heard a car horn, then screams piercing the air and then a crowd. He looked around for his mother but couldn’t find her anywhere until he spotted her in the middle of the road, lying down with her eyes closed. He went closer.
“Mom?” she seemed as if she was sleeping. “Mom? Open your eyes… It’s me, mom… See? I- I got you the sakura… mom? Why don’t you open your eyes? It’s me… Masaki… Mom…” he then felt arms under his armpits trying to take him away and voices… lots of voices.
“Hurry up and be careful as you place her on the stretcher. She’s already severe injured…. With three. Ok…” Others on his right “Please… this is not a show… please move away…” Sirens. Then the ambulance. A man leaning over him. “Hey… my little friend do you hear me?”
---
Masaki felt like drowning. He opened his eyes. He was on a bed, panting hardly. His face was covered from sweat. It took him a while to realize he was still in the hospital. It was quite dark and he couldn’t really see everything around him clearly. He then felt arms wrapping around him and soft caresses on his back. “Shhh… Baby… It was just a bad dream… It’s over now…”
Masaki could only whisper “Jun… how did you-” his body was still trembling.
Jun broke the hug and took a small towel near the bed to wipe the sweat from Masaki’s temples away. “What matters, is that I’m here now baby… and I’ll never leave your side” he kissed him softly on the forehead and hugged him once again whispering in his ear “I’ll always be here with you…”
Masaki was confused seeing Jun there since he had told him nothing about him going to the hospital in the afternoon but said nothing. He was already too tired. He knew that at that moment all he needed was just someone by his side. So, he buried his head in the crook of Jun’s neck and remained like that until he was drifted into dreamless yet restless sleep.
***
When Jun felt Masaki turning heavy in his arms he placed him carefully on the bed and softly removed a few bangs from his forehead. He smiled a bit. You look so peaceful like that Masaki… just like an angel… he stepped outside the room closing the door behind him carefully not to wake him up.
He walked towards the entrance. He sat on a bench near it and lit up his cigarette looking up at the sky. “So that’s why you’re so obsessed with him Sakurai Sho… Sometimes life can become extremely interesting I guess…”
TO BE CONTINUED
A.N. So as promised, there are some revelations about the past. There are still a lot of things uknown but now you have some idea about what has happened - at least from Sakuraiba's POV.
Junba's officially together now... I believe there was one that had kind of "foreseen" it! Well, you were right! XD Sho fell into his own trap...
The next one will have some morehot Sakuraiba and Junba... ;) (also to Ohmiya fans: there will be more in the next chapters!)
I hope you enjoyed it and I love reading your comments! <3
Author: Andy-chan (
antimiya88)Special thanks for all of her help and advice:
chrysiida_tori Love you!!! <3Pairings: Sakuraiba (main), Ohmiya, Junba (side), Aimiya (Friendship), Yama (Friendship)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Romance, School
Rating: PG15 (to be safe)
Summary: Aiba Masaki's a high school student who seems to be the bullying obsession for his classmate Sakurai Sho... Is it just an obsession or there's something more behind this treatment? In what way has fate brought them together in the past?
Warning: In certain chapters, there will be violence, bullying and bad language. So if you are not ok with these things you could just pass...
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys
CHAPTER 9
Masaki kept running until he reached his empty classroom. Breathless he supported his weight on the wall by using both of his hands and leaned till his forehead was touching it as well. Why would Nino be like that? He was always by my side… why does he behave so secretly? Why didn’t he tell me the truth? His right hand turned into a fist and hit the wall with all his might. “Whyyyyy?” His tears kept coming down his face. But maybe he’s in love… I… almost… he sighed. He didn’t even dare to think about it.
“Masaki-kun…” Jun’s voice was warm and calming. He reached for Masaki’s shoulder and turned him slowly towards himself. “Please… I hate it when you cry…”
Masaki looked at him in the eyes but said nothing in return. Jun wiped the tears with his thumbs and embraced Masaki holding him with one hand by his nape and with the other by his waist. “Please…” his voice was almost a whisper “I promise you I’ll never make you cry…” Masaki started crying again as if the tears inside were an unstoppable stream. He had clawed his hands into Jun’s arms and buried his head in the crook of his neck.
They remained like that for a while before Masaki broke the embrace and looked at Jun with red, puffy eyes. “I’ll never make you cry” that phrase kept replaying in his mind. The other has always hurt me and not only physically… maybe that’s the right thing to do Masaki… You should better hurry before he changes his mind… that way you’ll stop thinking of him…
Masaki took a deep breath before he opened his mouth. “Jun-chan?”
Jun caressed his hair putting them slightly behind his left ear “Hmm…. What?”
“What you asked me in this classroom before…” Masaki looked down embarrassed “you… you meant it right?”
Jun couldn’t believe is ears. Don’t tell me that… “Of course Masaki-kun… I was serious…”
“Then I guess that we- well we might give it a try? It’s not like there’s something to lose right?” laughed shyly.
“But you were saying that we-”
“I gave it a thought… so can we… can we try?”
“Masaki!” Jun’s joy was overwhelming
Masaki looked at him closely It’s the first time he calls me like that. He couldn’t help but to think how he was called Masaki by Sho. “You’re mine Masaki…” He tried hard to get over these thoughts and focus on Jun. But when he managed to do it he was already pulled into a kiss. His body stiffened inadvertently and tried to stop it by pushing Jun away as gently as he could.
“But could we just take things slow?” Masaki didn’t dare to look up at Jun
“Masaki…” Masaki remained still. “Masaki” Jun made the other meet his gaze by grabbing his chin. “Don’t be like that… I will wait for as long as you need and you want… ok?” he then leaned and kissed his forehead.
Masaki felt more at ease hearing that. He tightened his hands around Jun’s waist.
“Thank you”
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy Masaki”
Masaki looked at him and nodded. “Hun… Jun-chan…”
“You’re wrong here Masaki”
The other looked a bit confused at his comment “What… why?!”
“You’re supposed to say Jun and not Jun-chan” Jun continued on a lower tone “I’m your boyfriend now…”
Masaki blushed a bit and silently embraced the other tightly once again. I have to be strong… I have to let Jun-chan help me get over my weird thoughts and feelings…
“I didn’t hear you” Masaki could feel the small vibrations that the other one’s voice caused on his sternum and laughed.
“What?” Jun asked playfully
“It was funny because I could feel your voice instead of hearing it Jun-chan” Masaki bit his lip immediately and avoiding Jun’s gaze continued “I- I mean… J- Jun” Jun laughed a bit at the sight in front of him.
“You know? If I knew Sakurai’s plan would have this kind of impact I’d literally have begged him to do it even earlier” Jun smirked in the thought of the defended Sakurai Sho.
Masaki on the other hand felt his heart clenching at the hearing of the other. “Can we just not talk about h- him? Please…” he said without changing his position.
Jun kissed Masaki once again this time on his cheek and stroked his hair “You’re right he has nothing to do with us…”
Yes… he has nothing to do with us… Masaki thought and closed his eyes tightly. Sakurai Sho has nothing to do with me anymore.
………………………………………….
Sho was walking towards the old gym feeling dizzy. He managed to get inside where he found a few of his ‘buddies’ hanging out.
Before someone could utter a single word he almost yelled “Leave at once! I want to be alone” None seemed to oppose his wish as they left the room immediately. As soon as they closed the door behind them Sho locked it and collapsed on the floor sobbing with his head buried in his hands. His fists were hitting the ground so hard that there was blood on the joints of his fingers but he could feel no pain.
“Damn it… DAMN IT!” he screamed not being able to control himself. He heard his phone ringing but closed it without seeing the caller’s id. He was sure it was Satoshi but he was not in the mood for little chats. His chest was aching.
Sho started to kick everything in front of him. He crashed some beer cans left from the others on the wall next to him, he ripped off the curtains, he smashed all the chairs and desks could be found in the room. He didn’t stop before everything was destroyed as if he was possessed by some kind of mania.
“I’m your boyfriend now…” “Go to hell Matsumoto… go to hell…” He was heading to the classroom in hopes to meet Masaki and talk to him about the morning. Instead of that he found him being in the arms of that Matsumoto accepting his propose. “How can he be ok with him? Even if he knows that he used to be a host and after he saw that video… How much idiot can someone be?” his tears wouldn’t stop.
But he said it to me earlier… “I can be with Jun-chan however I want”. Damn it… damn it… Sho… admit it… you… like him… even though it hurts so much to admit it since he’s the reason you became like that… you like him… Oh God… feeling his body underneath me was just… and I could feel it... he was reacting even though it was... it was forced. He said it, didn’t he? “I’m feeling like an idiot for having believed something different”…
Sho’s body was left with no power in it. And I caught him in the last days repeatedly having his stare fixed on me… Sho laughed bitterly which gradually turned into a deafening loud one to end up into sobs. Satoshi was right… “Before it is too late”… but I guess now it’s already late for me. Congratulations Aiba Masaki you managed to destroy my life once again.
He leaned on the wall behind him and brought his knees close to his face holding them tightly. Motionless, he kept staring blankly at the floor a few meters ahead of him. It’s too late now…
……………………………………
“It’s me… Inform my mother I’m going to be late today. Something came up” Sho said and closed his phone. It was almost 5 in the afternoon when he left the school and starting wandering around the streets not having any desire to go back to his rich cage. After a while he found himself into a taxi heading to the north of Tokyo.
He paid the taxi driver and took a look at the tall building. It always gave him cold chills. Everything was grey, the floor, the walls, the ceiling. Maybe it’s a realistic way to express the mood he thought and followed the other man to the inner room.
“Sit here sir. He’ll be here in a few minutes.” Sho bowed and said nothing. He was nervous… he was always nervous when he came here.
The door opened “Sho?” a man’s voice was heard. Sho looked up to see a man around his fifties, with dark cycles underneath his eyes and a very thin, almost drained body. He looked way too fragile.
“Father…” Sho’s voice was trembling.
“You have only 30 minutes” said the policeman that had accompanied Yokoshima Tarou to meet his son.
“I know it officer… it’s the prison’s rule” Sho said coldly and looked down on the table until the officer left them together.
“Sho… what are you doing here?” I thought… I thought you had given up on me as well” his father’s voice was trembling “It’s been more than a year since your last visit”.
Sho was looking down. “Dad… I’m sorry… I had things to do… but today I- I just had to see you… but I promise you… there’s not even a single day that passes by without your thought…” he could already feeling his tears coming up. “How have you been? You look tired…”
His father laughed bitterly. “Well, having spent more than a decade in a 5 x 5 room with only a few rays of sunlight… I guess it does make you tired… but let me be… I want to know how you have been.”
“The same… you know… being imprisoned in the beautiful cage with no bars… I missed you dad… the only thing that keeps me from not turning insane in there is your guitar… I keep it hidden in my closet” Sho smiled warmly looking straight at his father’s eyes. “You should know that my skills are now improved!”
His father laughed and discreetly wiped a tear from his left eye. “I couldn’t expect you to still have it…” his voice almost felt nostalgic. It was obvious he didn’t want to break down in front of Sho so he changed the subject.
“How is your mother?”
At the hearing of it Sho’s face turned serious again and laughed faintly. “My mother is dead… that bitch though is living happy with Sakurai” his tone couldn’t have been colder.
“Sho… please… I hate it when you talk about your mother like that…”
“But father please! She abandoned you all alone when you needed her the most… she should have stayed by your side… It wasn’t your fault!!!” Sho’s face had turned red because of anger.
“If she had stayed by my side you would have probably died Sho…”
“Well that would be a hundred times better than be stuck with that rich bastard who changed my name claiming me as his own son and forcing me into becoming the one he was dreaming of. I wouldn’t have experienced all those punishments he gave me until I had fully understood that even the mention of your name was forbidden. They tried to force me to forget who I really was.” Sho bit his lower lip and avoided his father’s gaze. “So I kind of did… I became Sakurai Sho in my own way… It was then I discovered another part of this Sakurai Sho… the one who wanted more than anything to make the others experience the pain he had inside…” he sighed.“So tell me… Wouldn’t it be better if I had died without any help back then? Then maybe I would be happier… But since I’m alive I made one promise father… I’ll make the one who brought you here pay…” Sho’s heart clenched a bit. “I’ll make him pay… even if that means even more pain to me…”
“Sho… please… Stop speaking nonsense… I want my son to live in the present not in the past…” his voice showed agony.
Before Sho could answer he saw his father’s face wince painfully and his hand grabbing his left chest while giving out a loud scream.
“FATHER!!!! FATHER!!!!”
…………………………………………..
The lights in the streets seemed like flashes to Sho as the ambulance was leading them to the hospital. Its siren was echoing in his ears but it felt as if it was coming from far away. His eyes were locked in his father’s figure, lied down on the stretcher, breathing support on his mouth and unconscious.
Once they arrived, it was instructed to go straight for a surgery. It was a quite severe heart attack. Sho felt as if the environment around him was collapsing. He buried himself in one chair and waited patiently for the surgery to end. His eyes were looking nowhere in particular. His mind was absent. He couldn’t accept the fact that his father might die. He was slightly moving back and forth like a metronome. After what it seemed like an eternity, the doctors came out of the surgery room to inform him and the two officers that were accompanying them that his life was no more in danger but it required to stay in the hospital until his situation was fully stabilized.
“He’s transferred to the ICU” the doctor informed the officers. “You can see him through glass if you want” he said as he turned his gaze to Sho. The latter nodded and asked if it was ok for him to see him.
After he was given the authority to do so, he put on his mask and all the necessary precautionary measures and entered the room alone. He almost fainted at the view of his father being under sedation with tens of tubs being entered around his neck area and left hand, connecting him with the support machine.
“Father… please… stay with me… don’t leave me…” his voice was almost like a whisper. His hand touched the glass in front of him as if he was able to reach him. “You haven’t tuned your guitar yet like you had promised me that afternoon… please…” the tears that were threatening all this time to make their appearance finally came. His knees felt weaker and weaker and he left himself fall on the floor crying.
---
“Papa! Look! I can play the first notes of the song you taught me”
“Hmm… Is it so? Let me hear it then Sho”
The 6 year old Sho took the guitar in his hands and quite clumsily started to scratch the strings providing not so pleasant for the ear sounds. But his father was smiling warmly and kept encouraging him to continue.
“I didn’t know that my little son had such a talent!” Sho’s face brightened up and a wide smile formed on his lips.
“Really? I was good?”
“Of course… I’m afraid you’ll become even better than me soon” his father replied caressing his still messy because of the sleep hair. ‘But you should hurry and get ready! Mom has almost finished making breakfast. Ok?”
“Hun. But you know what daddy?” Sho said as he stood up from his little chair “Sho will try his best to become as good as you. I want to play only for the people I love, for you and mummy! So you will teach me more right?”
“Of course… But then I’ll have to tune it a bit so its sound becomes even better ok? I promise I’ll do it as soon as I come back from work tonight”
Sho jumped up and down while clapping his hands happily “Is it a promise?”
His father nodded smiling. “Yes Sho... It’s a promise.”
---
“You promised dad…So please get well soon. Once I get you out of there you have to tune the guitar…” Sho’s sobs were uncontrollable. He remained like that until a nurse entered the room asking him to leave.
He dragged his feet outside but was feeling a bit dizzy. He saw a vending machine. I guess a coffee could help. He sat on a chair close to it and sipped some of the hot drink until his eyes caught his figure only a few meters apart.
***
“Your mother’s first tests showed some small improvement” Masaki’s face was glowing.
“So… Katagawa-sensei is there hope for full recovery?” Masaki’s eyes were looking at the doctor in front of him in a desperate way.
“Aiba-kun… I don’t want you to have false impressions. I’ve never spoken of full recovery… I only spoke of the possibility for a small improvement. That doesn’t guarantee anything but it’s a sign that your mother might be able in the next months to leave gradually the bed and try a wheelchair. But we’ll see… We must first finish all the necessary examinations and then probably you have to attend the rehabilitation program so you can learn the exercises and apply them afterwards at home.”
Katagawa-sensei stood up from his desk and came close to Masaki putting a hand on his shoulder “Aiba-kun I can’t say whether she will be fully recovered or not… It’s still too early to jump to conclusions. If I have to be honest even this progress is remarkable. Her case was extremely severe. I just want you to be realistic and don’t dive yourself into overenthusiastic hopes. They can only lead to further disappointment. Ok?”
Masaki nodded a bit “Yes sensei. I… understand. Please take care of her. I’ll come back tomorrow” he left Katagawa-sensei’s office when he saw a group of doctors running towards the operating room. No… I have to get out of here. I can’t handle it anymore. The moment he decided to leave, the corner of his eye caught him. He turned to look closer and he saw him: Sakurai Sho running next to the stretcher crying with agony and pain, written all over his face. He tried to ask around what was going on but no one seemed keen to give him some information.
He couldn’t take the initiative to leave. Even after this morning that he had been so cruel with him. Instead of that, he came closer and watched him slightly hiding himself behind a wall. He didn’t want to get caught. Why does my heart hurt so much seeing him like this? There had more than two hours gone by and he still wouldn’t move. When he saw the doctors approaching him, he turned his gaze down and leaned on the wall trying to remain out of the other’s sight. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard someone address him rudely.
“What the hell are you doing here useless scumbag?” Masaki startled a bit.
It was Sho. Damn it… I should have gone while it was time.
“I believe I asked you a damn question. What the hell are you doing here?” Masaki could tell he was angry.
“No- nothing of your business” Masaki muttered.
Sho laughed bitterly. He put his left hand on the wall a little far away from Masaki’s ear while the other one was in his trousers’ pocket and leaned slightly forwards.
“Are you having fun?” Sho’s tone was sarcastic but the pain was too clear in it. “Tell me… are you satisfied now… it seems as if the roles are reversed right?” He paused for a few seconds. “Happy?”
Masaki managed to look at Sho in the eyes trying hard to ignore the crazy pounding in his chest. “I’d never be happy seeing anyone like that”
Sho’s fist landed on the wall causing Masaki to tremble a bit. “Don’t lie to me bastard. It doesn’t seem to me like that…all those years that I’m suffering aren’t you happy?”
Masaki frowned. All those years? And then he remembered Sho’s words a few days ago at school “He’s the reason my life turned out like that”.
“Don’t you think it’s enough already?” Sho furthered the distance between them. “Please go to your pretty boyfriend… don’t make him wait!”
Masaki gasped. He knows? He avoided the other’s gaze and turned away. He knew if he stayed more the situation would get more difficult for him and he might end up saying things he’d regret later.
He hadn’t really walked away but a few meters when he heard Sho saying out loud:
“Oh… and just a small warning if something bad happens… I’ll make sure this time you will end up in front of the car with your beloved sakura...”
Masaki’s cores dilated with surprise. He immediately turned to look at Sho who was already walking the opposite direction. Without thinking anymore he ran towards him and caught him by his arm.
“How…”
Sho’s gaze was locked in the ground. “How do I know?” Sho smirked and turned his head to meat Masaki’s questioning eyes. “Simple… that day… the accident that YOU caused turned out to be the turning point of my life…” Sho stopped and took a deep breath. “Now… if you excuse me…” Sho grabbed Masaki’s hand to free himself and left.
Masaki collapsed there… in the middle of the corridor. Sho’s last words kept replaying in his mind “…the accident that YOU caused… you destroyed me…” Masaki curled up on the ground, grabbed his head with both his hands. What have I done?What have I done? And then darkness.
---
“Mommy can we go to the park again? Masaki really loves animals. Lions and cheetahs and tigers and pandas! Please please please!!!!” the 6-year-old Masaki pleaded his mother with his big eyes. It was already spring and everything was blossomed.
His mother laughed and brought him close to her before leaning to kiss him on the top of his head tenderly. “Whatever my little sunshine wants!”
Masaki kept jumping up and down happily. “Yaaaaay! Then… can we come again next Weekend?” brought his little hands in front of him as if he was praying.
“Sure…” was his mother’s answer and Masaki’s energy was at its top.
“But Ma-chan, please make sure you walk next to me ok? This is a big road and cars are really fast!”
Masaki nodded without really paying attention to his mother. His mind was occupied with the next visit at the zoological park next weekend. ‘I want to give mama a present…’ he kept thinking himself, when his eyes caught a few brunches of sakura lying at the road next to the pavement. ‘A! That’s it!!! Mama loves sakura!’
“Mommy?” he said as he looked up to his mother.
“What is it Ma-chan?”
Masaki pointed at the sakura “Look mommy there is sakura. I’ll go and get them for you!” Before his mother could react, he left her hand and ran towards the road where the sakura flowers were laying. All he could hear was his mother’s desperate cry “MASAKIIIIIIIII”
Everything happened so fast… He heard a car horn, then screams piercing the air and then a crowd. He looked around for his mother but couldn’t find her anywhere until he spotted her in the middle of the road, lying down with her eyes closed. He went closer.
“Mom?” she seemed as if she was sleeping. “Mom? Open your eyes… It’s me, mom… See? I- I got you the sakura… mom? Why don’t you open your eyes? It’s me… Masaki… Mom…” he then felt arms under his armpits trying to take him away and voices… lots of voices.
“Hurry up and be careful as you place her on the stretcher. She’s already severe injured…. With three. Ok…” Others on his right “Please… this is not a show… please move away…” Sirens. Then the ambulance. A man leaning over him. “Hey… my little friend do you hear me?”
---
Masaki felt like drowning. He opened his eyes. He was on a bed, panting hardly. His face was covered from sweat. It took him a while to realize he was still in the hospital. It was quite dark and he couldn’t really see everything around him clearly. He then felt arms wrapping around him and soft caresses on his back. “Shhh… Baby… It was just a bad dream… It’s over now…”
Masaki could only whisper “Jun… how did you-” his body was still trembling.
Jun broke the hug and took a small towel near the bed to wipe the sweat from Masaki’s temples away. “What matters, is that I’m here now baby… and I’ll never leave your side” he kissed him softly on the forehead and hugged him once again whispering in his ear “I’ll always be here with you…”
Masaki was confused seeing Jun there since he had told him nothing about him going to the hospital in the afternoon but said nothing. He was already too tired. He knew that at that moment all he needed was just someone by his side. So, he buried his head in the crook of Jun’s neck and remained like that until he was drifted into dreamless yet restless sleep.
***
When Jun felt Masaki turning heavy in his arms he placed him carefully on the bed and softly removed a few bangs from his forehead. He smiled a bit. You look so peaceful like that Masaki… just like an angel… he stepped outside the room closing the door behind him carefully not to wake him up.
He walked towards the entrance. He sat on a bench near it and lit up his cigarette looking up at the sky. “So that’s why you’re so obsessed with him Sakurai Sho… Sometimes life can become extremely interesting I guess…”
TO BE CONTINUED
A.N. So as promised, there are some revelations about the past. There are still a lot of things uknown but now you have some idea about what has happened - at least from Sakuraiba's POV.
Junba's officially together now... I believe there was one that had kind of "foreseen" it! Well, you were right! XD Sho fell into his own trap...
The next one will have some more
I hope you enjoyed it and I love reading your comments! <3
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