Title: Is this Goodbye? (one-shot)

Author: Andy-chan (antimiya88)

Pairings: Ohmiya / Juntoshi (slight) / Sakumiya (slight)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst

Rating: PG-13

Summary: “If I had told you everything I felt… If I had told you ‘I love you’ every time you set your eyes on me… or that I could never live without you… then… would you have stayed by my side forever…?” This question keeps coming to Nino's mind ever since he saw Satoshi closing the door behind him. He was afraid of getting hurt and he ended up hurting himself. Satoshi had left him and he felt as if life was abandoning him as well... yet they meet again a couple of months leter and Nino has the opportunity to finally make his question to him. Would this time be really a goodbye or a chance to make things up?

Disclaimer: Kazu belongs to his Oh-chan and Oh-chan belongs to his Kazu

“Hurry up and take the order of table four if you do not want to lose your job!” Nino’s boss yelled at him.

Usually Nino would curse under his breath but this time he chose to say nothing... what could he say when he was the one at fault?! Besides, he couldn’t risk and lose this job. He was kicked out from his previous one after being late for two consecutive weeks. It was when he first realized how much his stubbornness had hurt him.

Lately, he felt as if he was passing through his days mechanically… he was simply surviving… he would wake up, take a shower, eat breakfast, eventually clean the house, watch TV, sometimes play games, go to the supermarket, prepare lunch, go to work, return back home, eat dinner, sleep… like a routine… repeating itself every single day… but no matter how much he tried to, he couldn’t feel alive… not since he had get out of his life or more precisely, not since he had let him get out of his life just like that.

He dragged his feet to the table and got his pen ready. All that he needed in order to become the perfect waiter his boss required was a smile… a smile he had to force every single time he was taking orders or serving food.

“My name is Ninomiya and I’ll be the one taking your order. Have you decided or perhaps you’d like me to come later?” he asked politely.

“We’ve decided, right Satoshi?” the man on his right spoke, looking at the one across the table while flashing a charming smile.

Nino felt as if the air had left his lungs. It’s just a name… there are a lot with the same name… he thought desperately, avoiding to look at the other to whom he had slightly his back at the moment.

“I… am ready, Jun…” the hesitant reply of the other reached his ears.

Nino tightened his grip on the pen. The name could belong to many but this voice, this particular voice certainly couldn’t... It belonged to only one… the one Nino had sent away and now regretted it. It had been how much… two…? No… It had already been three and a half months since he had heard it the last time and couldn’t help but feel his heart starting beating crazily in his chest.

---
“I am ready, Kazu!” Satoshi said out loud as he came in the bedroom to find Nino lying down, causing immediately to the wide smile he had till then fade down. “Aren’t you coming?” he asked, disappointment being clearly evident in his voice.

“Satoshi, I told you I am tired…”

“But this is important to me…” the other man insisted. “Please…”

Nino sat up on the bed. “There’s always another time, right?”

“You always say that…” Satoshi’s tone got lower and lower.

Nino sighed. “It’s late, Satoshi… I told you that before…”

“You said you’d think about it…” Satoshi muttered frowning.

“And I did… but I decided that it would be better if could cuddle here… where we have our bed... You know that I prefer to remain at house during weekends!”

“I know it… I just thought you’d like to go there because you’d be with me… to spend time together… in a different way… my way…”

“I d-” Nino tried to speak but was cut off by the other.

“Do you hate my hobbies that much, Kazu? I can’t even know what I am to you… We’ve known each other for so many years… and we’ve been together for like forever… yet I feel I don’t know you… Do you really like me…? I mean everything that make me… me or… I am only some object of your sexual relief?! You always do things selfishly, Kazu…

You expect me to be somewhere and there I am… You want me to snuggle with you on the sofa when you watch your favorite baseball team and I do it… even if I prefer to draw… I never disturb you when you play absorbedly with your console for hours… and I never complain… because I know that it will make you happy… because I want you to be happy…” Nino sighed when he saw tears coming down from Satoshi’s tears, staining his round cheeks.

“Satoshi, I’m coming ok?!” Immediately, he stood up and went to the closet to pick up his clothes.

“I don’t want you to!” Satoshi spoke louder than before.

Nino turned around dumbfounded. “Then what do you want?! If you have something to tell me, then say it the moment you should! You say that you never complain yet that’s what you do! Why all these complaints?” he was angry; not with Satoshi but with himself. He knew what the other wanted… he knew he owed it to him... yet he couldn’t…  Call him a coward but he was afraid… deeply afraid...

“Complaints?!” Satoshi was left speechless. “My concerns are complaints for you?”

“I have explained to you that I can’t spend all night in a boat when I suffer from seasickness waiting for a fish to be tempted!”

“And I wouldn’t make you go sick! I thought to surprise you by a romantic dinner in that damn boat… not in the open sea but at the harbor!” the other man shouted, his face having turned red. “If you could remember what day today is of course!”

Nino frowned. ‘What day is it?’ his mind was working fast when he finally realized what had happened. He sighed and came closer to the other, wrapping his arms around him. “Satoshi… I am sorry… I didn’t think of it at all… With all the stress at work… I didn’t know that you had planned something like that for us…”

“I didn’t want you to know it…” Satoshi spoke in a tiny voice. “Kazu…?”

“Yes?” Nino asked and placed a soft peck on the top of the other’s head. “What am I to you?” 

“This stupid question again?”

Satoshi moved a bit back, his hands gripping Nino’s shoulders. He was looking at Nino with his eyes shining due to the tears that threatened to fall once again.

“Do you like me?”

Nino muffled a laugh. “What do you think?” he tried to pass the question in a playful tone but the seriousness in the other’s eyes made him stiffen. “Why are you doing this? Aren’t we well, as we are?”

“Do you care about me?” Satoshi asked as if he hadn’t heard a single word, his eyes piercing Nino’s soul.

“Satoshi…”

“Do you love me?” the other insisted, making Nino to be left with his mouth agape.

He knew the answer and he truly meant it but he didn’t dare to say it. The thing he hated the most was commitments… and by saying such a word, he knew that he would feel as if he was locking his freedom away… and with that he would surrender completely… and then there was always the chance to be left alone so he remained silent.

“You have nothing to say…?” Satoshi asked with a trembling voice.

“Satoshi please…” Nino tried to ratiocinate him. “Why don’t we sleep? We will talk tomorrow…” he made a step towards the bed, holding Satoshi’s hand but he felt it slipping away from his grip.

“You always avoid it…”

“What?”

“This… talking about us… you will mumble sweet things… you will attack my lips and make me forget by turning me on… but you will always avoid to give me an answer… and it’s pretty simple…” Satoshi was staring blankly at some random spot of the wooden floor.

“Tonight everything got too emotional… why don’t we lie down? We always have the morning…” Nino spoke again in an even sweeter tone.

“It’s only a yes or no, Kazu…” Satoshi said in a low voice not moving a single centimeter.

Nino looked at the other and sighed. “As you said… we are together since forever… why are you even asking such things?! You should-”

“Because I never heard it coming out of your lips…? Because I want to know…?” Satoshi’s voice was shaky.

Nino clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes tightly yet no word came out of his lips. He had found out in life, perhaps the hard way, that showing your emotions would only make you weak… vulnerable… and eventually hurt. It didn’t matter whether the one in front of you was your boyfriend or even your mother… the result would always remain the same.

“So, it is like that then…” Satoshi lowered his head and muffled a bitter laugh. “I guess I always knew but never dared to accept it… a coward that avoided to face truth… but at one point someone must not be hidden behind his finger… I’m sorry for being a burden all this time because… that’s what I feel I always were for you…” and with that turned around and got out of the bedroom.

Nino didn’t move from his spot again… frozen and lost from what had just happened. Not that he hadn’t thought of it as a possible scenario but it always felt surreal… he knew that Satoshi loved him too much to leave him… yet he heard strange noises… ‘Could it be that…?’ Without a second thought, he stormed out of his room and ran to the door where he managed to grab Satoshi’s arm. The other was leaving.

“Satoshi, please don’t-” this time his voice sounded shaky, vulnerable, needy, desperate.

The other didn’t dare to meet his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore… I’m sorry…” he pulled his arm and opened the door. “Goodbye, Kazu”

Nino was left looking at the door. An intense silence filled the space around him, making it unbearable for him. ‘Is this really goodbye?’
---

He had missed it so badly. It would usually sound sleepy but full of love as it would always say good morning, welcome him home… There were always simple phrases and he never truly paid attention to them until he had thrown the chance to keep hearing them away. But all that belonged to the past. He tried to empty his mind and took a deep breath to ease his heart beat.

“I’m listening…” he muttered trying to not sound too weird.

“I’ll have the chicken filet accompanied by a puree of vegetables please”

“I’ll have the grilled tuna and the… imperial salad” Satoshi said again in a tiny voice; as if he was afraid to actually speak.

“You are sure, Satoshi?” the young man said and laughed playfully.

Satoshi… How weird was it to hear this name be called by someone else’s lips and not his. He smiled bitterly… But what was I expecting? Of course there would be someone to call him by his name… to kiss him…  to take care of him… to… love him… No matter how much he regretted and cursed himself the truth remained one: Satoshi had the right to be happy, even if this happiness wasn’t by Nino’s side.

“You always eat fish… Do you like it so much?” he heard the other asking Satoshi and a small smile appeared on his lips. Of course he loves fish…he likes spending hours with his fishing rod in hand… while humming his favorite song… not caring whether he will get tanned…

“Anything to drink?” Nino asked again, not daring to raise his gaze from his small notepad. Soon, the torture would be over.

“A bottle of the best red wine you have” the man spoke again and placed his hand on top of Satoshi’s. “Today I want it to be special…”

Nino bowed and left as soon as his legs could carry him. He passed the order to the kitchen.

“Nino, do you feel well?” he heard the concerned voice of his coworker.

He tried to smile. “Yes… just a bit tired… There’s too much work tonight… the rhythm is crazy…”

“Go and throw water on your face and clear your mind from whatever it is that it’s troubling you…”

“But Arimura…”

“I’ll cover you up… I’m sure Arimura will be mad at you more for being in that state rather than for going to the bathroom for a couple of minutes!”

“Thanks, Aiba-kun!” he went to the toilets and looked at his face in the mirror. “You look pathetic my friend… admit it…” he sighed and turned on the water. His coworker was right. He had to clear his mind. After having thrown enough, he looked back at his idol, freezing when he realized that apart from his there was also another pair of eyes staring at him.

“I didn’t know that you were working here…”

Nino thought he would burst into tears. Satoshi’s voice was the same sweet as he remembered and it was addressed to him this time. “I… started a couple of months ago… I got kicked out from my previous job…”

“I’m sorry for coming here… If I knew, I’d…”

Nino smiled bitterly. You’re saying you’re sorry again… but you don’t have to, Satoshi…

“I am the one who’s supposed to be sorry. I mean the last thing I want is to ruin your date… he seems… a nice… guy…” Nino managed to say in a rather awkward, staccato way.

Satoshi avoided the other’s gaze. “Jun, is a great guy and he loves me…”

“I’m sure he says it to you…”

Satoshi lowered his gaze. “He does…” the words came out as a whisper but felt like a deafening scream to Nino.

“You deserve it...” he replied back and cleared his throat in order to drown a sob that threatened to come to surface. “I have to go back to work… Excuse me…” he added fast and headed to the door. He had just grabbed the knob when he heard the other talking to him again.

“I hope you’re doing well, Nino…”

Nino said nothing. He just nodded with his head and got out. Nino… But what would you expect?! He has said his goodbye to Kazu… forever… He slapped his face with both his hands and took a deep breath. It was only one night and no matter what he had to pull it off. Even if he was stuck at that afternoon of three and a half months ago, life, in which monthly expenses were included, insisted stubbornly on going on…
…………………………………………….


He took the beer can in his hand and threw himself on the sofa. He had just come back home and since his encounter with Satoshi a few hours earlier everything in his apartment seemed to bring back memories he thought he had locked them up in a small corner of his mind.

He looked at the table of the kitchen where there were tens of empty cartons of instant ramen.

---
“Didn’t I tell you to throw them to the trash bin, Kazu?! Is it so difficult?” Satoshi mumbled as he took the empty cartons of the pizza and beers and threw them away.

Nino burst into laughs. “No… but that way I could see you bent… You know how much I love your sexy butt!”

Satoshi looked at him pouting. “So, you want to tell me that you made me mad just to satisfy your crazy fetishes?”

Nino stood up from the sofa and came closer to the other pinning him on the wall. “Yes…” he whispered straight in his ear “…because I like your butt but I like it the most when its owner becomes angry…” Satoshi’s cheeks had turned red. “… And then shy… he makes me want to eat him…”

“Kazu…” the other tried to oppose that it was more than obvious that he had already surrendered himself.

“You’re so sexy, Satoshi… and you’re mine…” Nino growled and immediately attacked Satoshi’s lips devouring them hungrily.
---

“I’m sorry for continuing being an irresponsible person, Satoshi… I still leave them on the table… even if you’re not mine anymore…” hot tears blurred his eyesight and shaking his head, took the TV remote to watch something to make himself forget.

“Tonight’s contestants are Yoshitaka Yuichi-san and Moeda Kimura-san! Tell us… Are you nerv-” Nino changed the channel immediately. It was about time for ‘Sport Time’ to start anyway. He drank almost half of the beer at once.

---
“You changed it again!” Satoshi said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You know I love this game!”

“It’s a silly game!” Nino replied fast as he put it on the sports channel.

“Your beloved sport show is silly! They’re analyzing all the games that you’ve watched in the week! You have already known the result though! There’s no point of repeating them again!”

Nino grabbed his boyfriend’s chin and smiled. “My dear Satoshi… They’re not repeating them. There are specialists analyzing the tactics of each game… It’s fascinating…”

“I still find it boring!” Satoshi told Nino back causing him to burst into laughs.

“I know you do… but come on… we do this every Saturday night… All I want it to watch the show and hold you in my arms… I like it when your hot breath is tickling my arm… Please…” Nino said pleadingly.

Satoshi gave up and got his place on Nino’s arms. “Only because I love you…”

Nino only pecked the top of Satoshi’s hair. “It’s about to start now…”
---

“Suzuki-san has proved to be the best pitcher for two consecutive years. At such young age I believe that his future is already decided…”

“I agree. It was the other day that the coach of the national team-”

Nino closed the TV and stared blankly at its now black screen. “You might have been right, Satoshi… It might have been silly… like the one who liked it… because he never said that more than the show he liked the way you pouted and rested your head in his lap… playing with his exposed skin till you ended up falling asleep because you weren’t interested…”

 An hour later, Nino could count three empty cans of beers in front of him. “It is 1 am already?! Oh! Screw it… I’m getting out of here…” He wore a pair of jeans and a T-shirt along with his jacket and left the apartment. A part of him knew that he had to leave the place because it was reminding him of the one person he needed to forget and another smaller part, forbid him to even dare to think his life out of there… without those memories… Satoshi was the first person he had made him believe that he wasn’t a useless person… Yet you proved to be one in the end…

***

He walked through the streets till he found his favorite club. He entered inside and immediately saw silhouettes dancing under the low lights. He walked towards the bar and ordered a scotch.

“Someone this cute ordering a heavy drink… alone… I smell trouble…” Nino heard the one sitting at his right telling him.

“None of your business…” he snapped back at him.

“I never said it was my business… I only made a clear statement…”

Nino wanted to forget, not to deal up with some idiot. “Why don’t you shut up?” he asked angrily and turned to see the person next to him for the first time.

He wasn’t older than twenty-seven / twenty-eight years old and to Nino’s surprise he was quite handsome.

“I shut it since you want me to… You’re too cute to be angry…”

Nino leaned closer. “Be careful. It’s the second time you’re calling me cute…”

The other seemed to get the signal and leaned closer himself, making their faces be not more than a few centimeters apart from each other. “And does it work?”

Nino raised his eyebrow but said nothing. Perhaps you can help me forget him… He is probably in Jun’s embrace tonight… making love with him… and I can’t stand the idea…

“I wouldn’t say so…” he said in a lower, flirtatious tone.

The other smirked and captured his lips. Nino opened his mouth and kissed him back with the same intensity, letting their tongues fight against each other. After several minutes and feeling the need of air they broke the kiss. “Now?” the other asked mischievously.

“Not more than the basis but acceptable…” Nino replied in the same way, letting his hand play with the collar of the shirt the other was wearing. “Do you perhaps have in mind a way to make me give you a better mark?”

“I thought everything about you was none of my business!”

So you play the tough to get huh?! Nino flashed his seductive smile. “And if I told you that I would like my business become yours for tonight?”

“Then the pleasure would be all mine!” the response came immediately from the other’s mouth. He paid for both their drinks and grabbed Nino’s hand, leading him out of the club. “Mine or yours?”

“Yours!” Nino said in a stressful tone. He couldn’t even think to bring a random guy back to his apartment. Anywhere but that apartment…

“Whatever my cutie pie wants…”

***

Nino frowned when he felt the sunrays hitting directly on his face. You will never close the curtains… no matter how many times I’ve told you that I can’t stand the sun like that before I even open my eyes…

“You’ll never close the curtains, will you Satoshi?” he mumbled leaning closer to the one lying on his side, feeling the hands that were wrapped around him loosen.

“I think you should open your eyes, Nino”

Nino frowned even more. This wasn’t Satoshi’s voice. He opened his eyes slowly, as slowly he returned to his fucked-up reality. The man next to him wasn’t Satoshi… and he had no right to ask him to close the curtains for him. His name was… Sho… if he remembered correctly and he had just spent the night with him.

“I’m sorry…” he muttered as he sat up on the bed. “I must have been pathetic… You wanted a careless one-night stand and all you got is a weirdo…”

“I got what I wanted… the only flaw was the fact that I was called Satoshi more than Sho” the other man said and laughed, shaking his head when he saw the way Nino’s face turned white. “No feelings are hurt! Really! It was obvious that your mind was elsewhere anyway… but you were really cute and couldn’t control myself…”

Nino looked at the other carefully. He was even more handsome now that the sun was invading in the room and his body was toned… perhaps his only imperfection could be his low shoulders… and from what Nino could remember he was a skilled lover as well… he really looked like a good guy but he had one flaw… he was not Satoshi…

“Before you go, would you like a cup of coffee?” Sho’s question brought him back from his thoughts.


“Thanks for your offer but I really have to go now…” Nino grabbed his scattered clothes from the floor and put them hastily. “I’m sorry for ending up being such a jerk, Sho…” he mumbled as he got out of the apartment closing the door behind him.

He was ready to walk towards the elevator when he saw the door of the apartment, across the one he was, opening.

“You promise to call me?” It can’t be…

“I will call you, Jun!” the answer came as well as the tight hug and the kiss on the lips. Nino looked at the man having his back on him standing slightly up on his toes as he kissed the taller man back.

Nino was standing there with tears in his eyes. You didn’t need to stand on your toes when you were kissing me... He saw the door closing and Satoshi turning around; their eyes met but Nino said nothing. What could he say anyway? He tried to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks; he didn’t want the other to see him cry but he couldn’t… Without saying anything and before the other could speak a word he started climbing down the stairs fast… wanting the morning air to hit his face.

He had just stepped on the pavement and looked back at the building, his eyes bulging when he saw Satoshi’s figure coming out of the main door as well. “Nino!” He started running… he didn’t know where he was heading, he just knew he had to get out of there… away… so that he wouldn’t be able to hear his voice any longer.

“Ninoooo! NINOOO!” the cries became stronger and Nino felt he couldn’t run anymore.

He felt a hand grabbing his arm, turning him around. “Why?”

Nino kept his head down. “We seem to end up meeting each other a lot suddenly…”

“Stop saying irrelevant things and answer me!” Satoshi spoke again angrily. Nino could tell that this anger was different from the one Satoshi had when they were still together, three and a half months ago… This anger was based on concern… not frustration…

“Answer what?”

“Why are you like this?” Satoshi asked in a loud voice “And don’t dare to tell me that you’re fine… I… we might no longer be together but this doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, Nino! I always asked for you and Yamaguchi-senpai would tell me that you’re fine but obviously he lied to me…or you lied to him… I know you can be a convincing actor…”

“What do you want, Sato- I… I mean, Ohno-kun?”

“Why, Nino?” this time Satoshi asked in a lower, almost tender way. The way he always did.

Nino wiped his tears away and looked back at the other’s eyes for the first time that morning. “Because I didn’t realized that what I truly was, was a coward… trapped into my fears of rejection and insecurity… seeing in everyone a possible candidate for being exactly like my mother… abandoning me cruelly… doubting even the only person on this Earth that wasn’t afraid of showing me every way he could his love! Because… I never said ‘I love you too, Satoshi’…”

“Nino…”

“No! Please say nothing! I’m just being stupid again! But you know me… I’m happy that you found someone you really deserve, Ohno-kun!” Nino wanted to say more but he felt his throat getting dry. He could see Satoshi’s eyes glistering and realized that he had somehow managed to make the other cry once again.

Without saying anything else, he turned around and ran… he ran but this time he could hear no footsteps behind him, no voice calling out his name. A small part of him hoped the other would follow him but another one knew that the other wouldn’t come. He leaned his back on the wall of the metro station he had just reached and closed his eyes. I’m sorry for not being the one you thought I was, Satoshi… I’m sorry…
……………………………………………….


Nino was looking at the rain drops falling on the window. The sun had already set. He had been sitting on the floor like that for how many hours already…? Five… six? He couldn’t remember. He heard his stomach complaining reminding him that he had eaten nothing all day. He was always like that… not paying attention to such things… because he knew that even if he forgot there was someone else always there reminding them to him.

Sighing, he stood up and headed to the kitchen. In the fridge there was nothing more than cheese and ham. “I guess that could work…” he mumbled as he grabbed them along with some bread from the counter. He had just started eating when he heard his phone vibrating. Who could that be? Especially at this hour? He had never been the sociable person.

From: Satoshi
Nino open your door. I’m waiting for
more than ten minutes already. I know
that you’re home.


Nino couldn’t believe in his eyes. What are you doing here? Panicked he looked around and cursed when he realized that it was a mess. Whatever… he ran towards the door and looked at his idol in the mirror placed next to it, trying to make himself look a bit decent. He took a deep breath and opened the door, revealing Satoshi waiting outside with two large bags in his hands.

“Good evening, Sato- I… mean… Ohno-kun…” Nino mumbled awkwardly.

“Good evening, Nino. May I pass?” Satoshi asked and Nino felt stupid. He was left staring at his ex-boyfriend like an idiot.

“Of course… Sorry…” he made space for the other to enter. “It’s a mess I know but the truth is I felt too tired to clean it but since tomorrow is my day off I’ll make sure it looks perfect again!” he was trying desperately to sound as if he was fine but he knew the other knew him too well to be tricked.  Yet he got no answer. “Sa- Ohno-kun?”

Satoshi was already filling the fridge. “You never cared about eating properly! I was sure you looked a lot skinnier… Look, I got you supplies! You better take care of yourself Nino!”

Nino was left with his mouth open... there was something nostalgic in those words. You will never change…

---
“Hello! My name is Ohno Satoshi! Please treat me well!”

The voice was barely hearable and made Nino curious. He looked up and saw a boy, not taller than him, standing next to their homeroom professor. ‘His cheeks are so round… perfect for pinching and he looks shy… the best combination ever!’ he thought amusingly.

“Sit in front of Ninomiya, over there” the teacher pointed the desk in front of Nino.

The new student came and sat in front of him before turning around and flashing him a smile. 

“Nice to meet you” Satoshi mumbled.

Nino patted his shoulder friendly. “You can call me Nino!” Nino smiled. ‘Finally I got myself a new target… everyone in the class is boring…’

“Here!” Satoshi said as he gave an onigiri to Nino during their lunch break.

“What is that?” Nino asked looking at it with a frowned forehead.

“An onigiri…?”

“I can see that! What I meant is why do you give it to me?” Nino insisted crossing his hands in front of his chest.

“Because your stomach was asking for food and I saw you taking off no bento from your bag?! Mum always makes extras so don’t worry Nino! I guarantee it is delicious!”

Nino took it in his hand. “You have just come here, you don’t know me and you’re sharing your food?!” he was sure something was wrong with this person. He was strangely too kind.

“I thought you wanted us to be friends… You are the one who patted my shoulder and told me I could call you Nino… Was I wrong?” It was Satoshi’s turn to frown. “You know usually people will make fun of me… that since I’m Sleepy I should take care of Snow White and leave school… but you smiled at me… so I thought…”

“I did take notice of your face you know…” Nino cut him off.

“Eh?” Satoshi didn’t know how he was supposed to react.

“It is cute and these cheeks of yours are calling me to pinch them…” Nino smiled as he saw the other’s face turning red. “And you know what else?” Nino said leaning closer. “I’ve never felt a strong urge to kiss this pair of lips…”

“You… always say such things…?” Satoshi managed to whisper.

Nino gripped Satoshi’s chin. “Hmmm… only to people who are willing to share their food with me… because that makes them cute not only on the outside but on the inside as well…” he saw that Satoshi was ready to talk and acted fast locking their lips together. It didn’t last for more than a couple of seconds but it was enough to leave Satoshi speechless. “Sweet… as expected…” Nino caressed his cheek and winked at him before starting eating. 

“What… what was that?”

Nino muffled a laugh. “You can name it a thank you for this!”

***

“This is for you!” Satoshi exclaimed happily as he gave a beautifully made bento to Nino. “I made it for you!”

Nino took it in his hands and felt his heart racing. “You would always share your food with me from the first time we met in junior high school and now this?! What happened?”

“Well… you are my boyfriend… and I…”

Nino smirked. “If I knew that after having sex with you I’d get a bento I would have done it sooner!”

“Hey!” Satoshi kicked Nino’s leg. “It’s not because of… that… but you told me that I could call you my boyfriend and… I know that you don’t bring food from home and I hate it… It makes me sad… I want you to stay healthy… Especially now that we’re in high school! I always wanted to bring it to you but I was afraid of getting misjudged and didn’t want to… but now… since you are officially my boyfriend I thought…”

Nino pulled him into a tight hug. He wanted to fill him with kisses and make love to him right there… It was the first time that someone was this attentive to him… the first time that he actually felt loved…

“You are spoiling me, Satoshi…” he told him while looking straight at his eyes.

“And what if I want to spoil you?” the other answered in a rather playful way.

“Then I’d warn you to be careful… because I can be very selfish and want you to stay by my side forever…”

“I never said I intend to leave you…” Satoshi mumbled lowering his gaze.

“Sato-” Nino was ready to kiss him when he felt two fingers touching his mouth.

“Eat first and then you can kiss me as much as you want!” Satoshi said and sat on the bench a few meters away, opening his bento.

Nino sighed but did so anyway. ‘I love you… I might be afraid to say it to you but I love you, Satoshi…’

***

“You haven’t eaten!” Nino cursed as he closed his console.

“You come back home and instead of kissing me you start yelling at me…” Nino said as he hugged Satoshi from behind, placing a soft peck on his nape. “I was waiting for you so that we could have dinner together!”

“Stop saying stupid excuses… you were playing your game and forgot eating!” Satoshi replied as he moved towards the cupboard on his right to get two glasses. “And stop hugging me… I have to prepare everything!”

“I mean it!” Nino insisted stubbornly.

“I know you for eight years, Nino… you don’t mean it! Now take a sit!”
---

“…and here’s some fish… You can grill or boil it... nothing too difficult!” Satoshi continued on explaining.

“Thank you…” Nino mumbled, not knowing if he was supposed to say anything else than that.

“Just promise me that you will take care of your health, Nino…”

“You were always more worried for me than me… but… I promise you I will…” Nino said in a low voice.

“I’m glad to hear that…” Satoshi replied avoiding to look at the other. “Now, I guess I better…”

“Leave…?” Nino finished his words. “Wouldn’t you like a beer or-?”

“I have to go, Nino… Good night” Satoshi said in a serious tone and quickly headed to the door.

Nino saw his silhouette getting away from him again. No… I won’t bear it… not again…

---
“Mum I’m home!” Nino exclaimed happily as he took his bag off and threw it on the sofa. He was holding a paper in his hand. “Look at this! I got the first prize! Tanaka-sensei told me that with this I will be able to go to the junior high school I want! I…” his smile faded away when he saw his mother sitting on the sofa next to a man he had never seen in his life.

“Finally, you are home!” her voice emotionless.

“Mum?” Nino came closer. “Who is this?”

She came closer and gave him a paper. “This is a letter for your father. Do me the favor and give it to him!”

“Why can’t you give it to him? And who is this?” Nino said pointing at the unknown man.

“You’re old enough I guess…” she said smirking. She went closer to the other and threw her arms around his shoulders. “This is Yoshiki-kun… he’s a very close friend of mine… right?” she tilted her head and smiled when the other leaned and kissed her.

“Mum?!” Nino felt tears in his eyes.

“Don’t call me mum!” the young woman yelled at him. “I hate it when you call me mum! You remind me of my mistake every single time! That asshole father of yours made me keep you when all I wanted was to have an abortion… and I did it because I didn’t have the money to survive back then! But luckily Yoshiki-kun came into my way and I had it enough! Your father is the one who wanted you, your father is the one to keep you! The last thing I need right now is having to deal on with some horny, quick tempered fag teenager on a daily basis! You were always a burden… a useless person...”

Nino was left standing in the living room like a statue staring at the wall blankly. He couldn’t understand what he had done to deserve so much hatred from his mother. He heard the door close. ‘Am I really useless?’

***

“I thought that you’d be able to keep her here… I hoped that you could make that slut mother of yours remain by my side… I liked her too much… but unfortunately I was wrong… I’ll let you stay here till you finish high-school since you have my name. But let me clear it up to you… stay out of my way kid. Got it?”

Nino lowered his head. “Yes” his answer came as a whisper before climbing fast the stairs up, locking himself in his bedroom. ‘I guess I am a useless person…’
---

Am I this useless? I can never hold someone close to me? Why? I don’t want you to leave me again… not you Satoshi… Before he could think rationally, he ran and grabbed Satoshi’s arm before the other opened the door. “Nin-” he didn’t want to hear anything.

He captured Satoshi’s lips demandingly, desperately… his hands cupping the cheeks he loved… his body pressing the other against the wall. The sense of those lips on his was something so familiar, so… right. He was lost in the pleasure that kept filling up in his body when he felt something hot on his hands. Frowning, he opened his eyes and saw that the other was crying.

As if he had just realized what had just happened, he moved away.

“I’m sorry… I…” he felt uncontrollable tears running down his face this time. “You’re not mine anymore…”

“Nino…” Satoshi’s trembling voice reached his ears.

“Please… let’s say that it never happened… ok? But…” Nino bit his lower lip. His heart was thumbing against his ribs. He was afraid but he had to know. “Can I ask you one question?”

Satoshi kept staring at him for a couple of seconds before nodding softly. “If… I had told you everything I felt… If I had told you that I had fallen in love with you from the moment you decided to give me your onigiri at seventh grade… if I had told you that I felt millions of butterflies in my stomach when you gave me your first handmade bento like some stupid girl in love… if I had told you ‘I love you’ every time you set your eyes on me… if I had told you I could never live without you… then… would you have stayed by my side forever…?” Nino had closed his eyes, not daring looking at the other as he uttered these words.

He felt fingers tracing his cheek. “If that was what you felt, then why did you always choose silence...?”

Nino opened his eyes and looked back at Satoshi’s. “Because I was a stupid coward and because I… took you for granted… I don’t know… Perhaps because I was a total asshole and needed to lose you first to realize the treasure I had and let it slip out of my hands just like that…”

Satoshi had lowered his head. “I…” he tried to speak but no words could come out.

“What if…” Nino grabbed both Satoshi’s hands in his. He had to try. “…I tell you now that I love you more than anything…? That I keep wishing you were here… kissing me good night… telling me good morning…? What if I make sure to show it to you, to say it to you every single day… with every possible way then… would you forgive me? Would you come back to me…? Because I need you in my life, Satoshi… you are my guardian angel, my soul mate… I know I’m being selfish again telling you all of this… but… I want you to come to me… I love you too much to let you go…”

Nino dared to say nothing more. He could see the way that Satoshi had frozen in front of him. “I will be waiting for you in our bench at the park… tomorrow at six o’clock in the afternoon. Even if you don’t appear, I want you to know that I won’t bother you again and I’ll keep loving you and wishing you happiness… I also promise you that I’ll try to take care of myself… not because I truly care but because I know that it makes you feel worried… I-”

“You’re cruel!” Satoshi cut him off as he turned his gaze up to Nino’s eyes. “Cruel and selfish!” he yelled at him before taking his hands off Nino’s grip. Hastily, he put on his shoes and opened the door, slamming it with force behind him.

Nino lowered his head and once again felt ashamed of himself. I know I am, Satoshi… I know it but I promise you… It will be the last time…
………………………………………………


Nino had just reached the park they used to meet as teenagers and looked at his watch. “17:35?! Early…” he placed his hands in his pockets and aimlessly kicked a pebble. “But well… it doesn’t matter… I’ll be waiting for you as long as it takes…”

He sat on the bench watching at the young children playing, young people jogging, others passing by in a fast pace. For him it seemed as if the time had stopped. He looked up in the clear blue sky and smiled. He will come… he’ll be here…

He was lost in his recollections…of their moments in that park… their first adult kiss… their first make-out session that had taken place behind that tree on his right… their failed tries to carve their names on that particular bench he was sitting at the moment. He was smiling as he felt something falling on his head… followed by another one… and then another one. Frowning he turned his head upwards sighing when he saw that the clear blue sky had given its place to a dark grey one…

What time is it…? Is it…? His heart stopped when he realized it was already eight o’clock. He felt the rain getting stronger and all he could do was to smile bitterly this time. Even the weather will sympathize with me… He looked at his palms that were getting wet by the droplets. I guess he won’t come… But… on the other hand it’s not like you deserve him in the first place… He knew he had no reason to remain there anymore but he felt powerless.

He had lost track of time. He kept sitting on the bench with his eyes closed, feeling cold… empty. He didn’t cry… Cry what for? He would be selfish again and he had made a promise to himself… to become the man Satoshi always wanted him to.

Suddenly, there were no droplets falling on him. But it continues to… Frowning, he turned his gaze at his side where he realized that was someone standing next to him, holding an umbrella. He gasped when his eyes met his face. It wasn’t someone… It was him… Nino was made stand up.

“You’re wet…”

Nino felt tears building up in his eyes as he heard the voice he loved so much. “You came…” he whispered, his breath having turned uneven.

“I’m sorry I was late…”

Nino grabbed Satoshi’s arms causing the umbrella to fall on the ground next to them. “You weren’t, Satoshi. I’m the one who was late… for thirteen whole years…”

“Kazu…” Satoshi had tears in his eyes but this time Nino didn’t feel guilty. He knew these were tears of joy.

“I’m glad I was selfish yesterday…” Nino said between his sobs and laughs as he joined their foreheads together.

“I’m glad you were selfish yesterday, too…” Satoshi replied and, before Nino could say anything, he attacked his lips.

Nino wrapped his arms around Satoshi’s nape as he deepened the kiss, feeling his body getting back all the missing energy. He felt as if he was alive again. They broke the kiss only when they felt all the air of their lungs leaving them.

Nino brushed his hands through Satoshi’s wet hair. “I love you, Satoshi…” his voice was shy, trembling.

“I love you, too… my Kazu…” Satoshi repeated smiling before kneeling down to get the umbrella that was forgotten next to them and intertwining their hands together. “Let’s go home…” he whispered while staring straight into Nino’s eyes.

Nino nodded and followed the other, smiling when he saw the way their hands looked, linked like that. I promise you, Satoshi… a single day won’t pass by without hearing these three words…

I love you…



THE END





A.N. Minna this is a loooong (once again :P) one-shot based on a conversation I had with dani_mathoz and Arashi's 'Sayounara no Ato de'! ^_^
I felt that Ohmiya was the pairing that suited best for this and surprisingly there was also some slight Juntoshi and Sakumiya... O.O Way too rare for me don't you think?! XD
I wrote it through Nino's POV... I hope I was able to show his emotions and thoughts the way I had them in my head! xP Sometimes we're too afraid to do some simple things and we end up hurting ourselves without realizing it, ne?! Luckily, Nino had Satoshi who proved to love him too much and gave him the second chance he wanted! :)
I know it was sad and angsty but as always there was happy ending! Lovely Ohmiya together! *throws confetti*


I really hope you enjoyed it and as always your comments are <333!!!




See you very soon! ^_^