Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan (antimiya88)

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, unfortunately.

Part 1   /   Part 2   /   Part 3   /   Part 4

Jun was left staring at his phone. He couldn’t count the minutes he had spent reading Nino’s words again and again. ‘I love you’… Why did the other had to send him this text? Why did his heart have to clench this painfully? Unable to sleep, he got off his bed and walked into the kitchen. His small discussion with Masaki a couple of hours earlier had made him even more confused. A part of him knew that he should have contacted the other but another part still felt too hurt to do anything.

He pressed the button of the kettle. A tea infusion might help him put his thoughts in order. He would be lying if he said that the other had meant nothing to him. From their first night together… Even during those moments of passion and lust there was a mutual understanding between them… and then it was all those moments, they had spent together… Those moments that had brought back Jun’s genuine smile.

It had been years since he was able to smile like this… With time, before when he was still with Masaki, probably because of the amount of the work and all the pressure that had come to their relationship due to its exposure to the media, he had started feeling restrained, stiff. With Nino, though, he had found himself back or more correctly he was exploring a new side of himself, so far unknown… more daring… open… challenging. He had found a meaning… and after having been such a mess once he go to know who the other was, he could that he had fallen in love… way too deep.

His eyes fell on the cigarette box, left on the kitchen table; a bitter smile appeared on his face. You’re determined to always pop up into my head?! Aren’t you?!

~.~.~

“Where are you going?” Jun heard the smaller man mumbling in a whiny tone from the bed as he put back on his briefs.

“What? Missed me already?” he said in a mischievous way, loving that faint hint of blush that appeared on the other’s cheeks.

“No. I just fear that it will be you the one who’ll miss me! Your words from before, begging me to move, still echo in my ears…!”

Jun muffled a laugh before leaning closer to Nino and pecking softly his lips. “I only said that because I could feel you would explode from minute to minute and it has to be me the one who gets satisfied first…”

Nino threw his arms around Jun’s neck, looking straight into his eyes. “Seriously now… stay on the bed…”

“I’m just going to grab my cigarettes from the living room. I’ll be right back…” Jun’s voice had lost its dominance and playfulness. It was almost weak… trembling… exactly like Nino’s.

The moment he came back to the bed, Nino grabbed Jun by his elbow, pushing him on his back so that he could let his head rest on the other’s naked torso, his ear close to the heart and his hand caressing feather-like the area around his navel.

“I love it how your heart beats faster when I touch you like this…”

Jun looked at the other who was having his eyes closed, his lips curved into a smile. It wasn’t a lie… like the way it went even faster at the sound of these last words.

“And even more when I feel the effect of my last sentence…” the smaller man muttered in a playful way that made Jun smirk.

He said nothing in reply. He put the half-smoked cigarette on the ashtray on his bedside table and caught Nino’s chin between his index and thumb, making the latter look upwards at him. They didn’t need to say anything. He leaned closer till their mouths were almost touching, their hot breaths blending together. He knew that if he placed his ear on the other’s chest at that moment, he could hear his heart beating crazily. He could see it by the way his eyes darkened between his half-closed eyelids, the way his mouth was agape waiting for his to touch it.

It was always this natural, direct and intimate between them and for Jun, it was becoming a necessity in his life. The more time he was spending with Nino, the more he was craving for it. Their kiss was slow and somehow meaningful… Nino’s arms immediately found Jun’s neck, locking tightly around it, bringing their bodies closer. It was these small movements that proved he wasn’t the only one to think that way. He knew because he could see the other smiling, looking at him with a pair of eyes that showed no confusion anymore, unlike that first time…

They had agreed that they didn’t have to name it, yet for some reason, Jun felt they had already had. Was it the way the other was whispering his name as their bodies moved in unison? Was it the way he’d snuggle on him with his lips attached to his collarbones? Was it the small peck they would exchange every morning they woke up together? It could be everything but what mattered was that it was there; even if both of them hesitated to admit it, it was there and above all, it was real.

“Insatiable…” Nino whined breathless as he felt Jun’s weight on him once he stopped moving inside him.

“You were the one who initiated everything…”

Nino smiled satisfied. “Sorry… I forgot that you can’t resist me!”    

Jun muffled a laugh.  “Shower?”

Nino pouted. “Too tired… towel?!”

Jun pecked Nino’s lips hastily before he got out of the bed to get a towel to clean themselves. He was surprised when he realized that he was humming a song. His lips curved into a smile… It had been a while since he had sung. When he came back to the room though Nino had already fallen asleep. He leaned against the doorframe staring at the sleeping figure on his bed. The other was beautiful… Jun sat carefully at his side and cleaned all the traces of cum, left on his stomach, before he covered him up with the sheets. He stroked his hair and pressed his lips softly on the smaller man’s forehead. Jun had no uncertainty; Nino was beautiful because he was there with him.

---

“C’mon, sleepy… Time to wake up!”

Jun frowned but managed to open his eyes. He would normally hate people talking to him this early. There had always been an unwritten rule between him and Masaki that it would be wiser to start a conversation after the first sips of coffee but this time, the sweet fragrance that reached his nostrils compensated for that.

“Is that miso that I’m smelling?” he mumbled with a raw-due-to-the-sleep voice as he turned his head towards Nino, gasping at the realization that the latter was wearing nothing but one of his T-shirts and a pair of his boxers. He was fresh, smelling of his shampoo. It was a homey image that made Jun’s heart flutter. For others it might be of no importance but not to him.

“You drained me last night and as much as I love your western-style breakfast, my stomach wouldn’t fill up with bread…! Unless I ate the whole loaf!” Nino said amused by the way Jun’s eyes were roaming on him. “You better leave aside whatever perverted thoughts are running in your mind as we’re speaking, Mr. J, and come to the kitchen before it turns cold!”

Jun smiled as he saw the other walking away. He sat up and threw his hands up in the air. He quickly his pair of boxers that was left thrown on the floor along with his sweatpants and walked to the kitchen without caring to put a T-shirt on. He hadn’t taken a shower and if he wanted to be honest, he was dying to taste Nino’s miso soup.

He sat next to the other, taking the ball in his hands. He had always said in interviews that he liked miso soup because he could tell someone’s background just by tasting it. His grandma had always told him so and if, till then, he believed in it only half-heartedly, after having tasted Nino’s, he changed his mind completely.

Jun turned his head on his side, his heart fluttering when he caught the way Nino’s eyes were staring at him, expectantly. In Jun’s eyes, this shy side of the other was what made him adorable… too cute to handle… It was such moments that made Jun realize how much the other was hiding behind this mask of self-assurance, sharp-tongued comments.

“It’s delicious!”

“Of course it’d be delicious! It’s me who made it!” Nino whispered playfully in his ear, his expression changing in a second.

Jun placed the ball on the table and turned to look at the other properly, cupping both Nino’s cheeks with his palms. “Don’t try to hide the real you from me…” the words were spoken slowly, causing Nino’s eyes to widen. “Because… I love it when you’re shy and not so sure… I love it because it shows me that you’re human, that you have feelings and that makes me feel human, as well…”

“Jun…” Nino whispered not knowing what more to say; not that he needed though. The way Jun’s lips captured his made his mind turn blank.

---

Jun was reading the scene with which he would go to the audition the following week while waiting for Nino at the small restaurant they had been frequenting. He was absorbed with the text in front of him and didn’t take notice that a pair of eyes were staring at him.

“I like it when you are this concentrated!”

Jun cleared his throat and tried to take the paper away but the other was faster. He didn’t know why but he was hesitant. It wasn’t that they hadn’t discussed about his auditions or that Nino wasn’t supportive; on the contrary. If Jun had to be honest, he always felt that the other was the one who had made him enter the game this fast. He couldn’t explain why but Nino seemed more eager than him to start looking for jobs.

“It suits you!” Nino said with a wide smile after he finished reading. “I would like to hear you saying these words!”

“I don’t think so!” Jun mumbled shoving the paper in his bag.

“Why?” the other asked a small frown appearing on his forehead. “Because artists are supposed to be on their own?”

Jun turned his gaze at the other. He could feel the bitterness in Nino’s voice and his heart clenched painfully. He could somehow tell that this wasn’t meant just for him.

“No… because I only received it today… I haven’t even read it out loud yet…”

“And?”

“And I want you to be impressed by me…”

Nino’s hand reached for Jun’s. “Trust me, Jun… Even if you make all the slip-ups of the world, I will still be impressed…”

Jun was about to speak when Nino continued while staring directly into his eyes; with a piercing gaze that made him feel as if he was an open book to the other. “… Because I already admire you, Jun…”

Jun wanted to ask him why but didn’t have the chance as the waiter came to serve them. He stared at Nino closer as the latter told their choices to the man standing next to him. His eyes had dark cycles underneath but Jun could tell that it wasn’t just the tiredness or the lack of sleep… and he hated it. He didn’t know much about Nino’s workplace; just that it was an office job and required too many hours. He assumed it might be a journalism related job; maybe a columnist, since he seemed to know well how the system worked, if he judged from that night when he confronted the paparazzi.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know. He wanted to know everything about the other but he knew that if he pushed him, Nino might slip away… Strangely, he felt as if they belonged together, as if he had to pass through all that mess, just to get to know this man sitting across the table. It sounded awfully romantic, yet no matter how much he had tried to debunk it in his mind, he couldn’t…

“Do you want to listen to these words?” he asked out of the blue causing the other to jerk a bit.

Nino looked at him confused and surprised but nevertheless nodded.

“Come to my apartment tonight…!”

Nino’s face lit up and his usual playful smirk appeared. “I should warn you though, I’ll be the toughest judge of yours!” he winked at him before drinking the remaining beer in his glass.

Jun could only smile. “All I can say is that you have to be ready…”

“Ready for what?”

“Admire me more…” Jun answered in a mischievous way, smiling heartedly when he saw Nino’s eyes sparkling. That’s how he wanted to see the other. That big smile on Nino’s face was enough to fill his heart with happiness and Jun couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He really cared for the other and that couldn’t be a simple coincidence…

~.~.~

He could now tell why this wasn’t a coincidence. The other was behind everything… It was still hard to believe it but yes… He was let down; not from Nino… but from his naivety.  He had tried not to let Nino’s text occupy his thoughts but as it was proved, it was something stronger than him. He had spent the last four days doing nothing but   thinking about this text. Why did the other have to say these words? Nino was a liar. Jun now knew, yet a part of him wished to still believe in the other. Perhaps, there was an explanation, a reason behind everything; perhaps the other did mean the words he had said to him…

He could still feel the way Nino was looking at him, touching him; how his body felt against his, only to confuse him. Could the other be such a great actor the whole time? Could it be that Nino indeed loved him? And if yes, since when? Jun wished he knew that fine line, where the lies ended and where the truth came across, but he was afraid. Was he being excessive? Maybe; but he couldn’t help it… He had felt betrayed again.

Sighing, he walked towards the window to look outside. Everything seemed so peaceful unlike the mess he was inside. He opened the window and stepped out on the balcony, letting the air hit on his face. It somehow felt smoothing. He remained in the same position, looking blankly across the street. He wouldn’t have paid attention, if it wasn’t for the lights of a passing car. He frowned as he looked closer. There was no mistake; there was someone sitting on the pavement across the road; a very familiar someone.

Jun stormed to the door. Why was the other there? For how long? He crossed the street hurriedly, coming closer to the other just to realize that Nino was completely drunk.

“Ni- Nino…?” he asked hesitantly.

He saw the other looking slowly up to him, at first confused, probably because of his drunken state, before his mouth opened and tears glittered in his eyes.

“Jun…?” Nino’s voice was weak. “Jun! Jun, you’re here!” He looked like a ghost of himself and Jun felt guilty. Perhaps he should have asked from him to meet and talk. Seeing the other in that state made him feel even more confused than he had been. Masaki had been right… He should have talked with him… He shook his head to get rid of all these thoughts. They weren’t of big importance at the moment.

“Nino, what are you doing here? It’s late…” the words came out trembling, betraying his nervousness.

“Jun…” Nino tried to stand up but fell, his legs being too shaky to hold his weight but then, tried again, his hands gripping Jun’s shirt possessively. “I love you…” the three words were spoken in a whisper. Jun bit his lower lip as he felt the other cling on him in an almost desperate way as he stood up in front of him. “I don’t deserve you… but I love you…” Jun felt a knot on his throat when Nino’s hand came, trembling, to trace his right left cheek. “I just… wanted to tell you…”

Jun ignored his crazy heartbeat in his chest. He had to take the other safely back to his apartment. As much as he had felt betrayed and hurt, it hurt him more what he was looking at, at this moment. He held Nino by his waist after securing his one hand over his shoulders. His grip was tight making sure that Nino wouldn’t fall, despite the numerous times he stumbled on his own feet.

After several minutes, Jun managed to enter his apartment and lead Nino to his bedroom. He refused to let emotions win him over. First, he had to make sure the other was ok.

It was strange… seeing Nino on his bed again felt normal… it almost felt as if nothing had changed, even though now he knew. For a part of him, Ninomiya Kazunari was still Nino. For Masaki he had only felt anger and disappointment. This time he might have felt both, he might have been hurt but he could also feel something else; he could also feel the love.

He was ready to leave the room when he heard something that made him freeze.

“Don’t leave me, Jun… Not you, too…”

Nino? He turned around abruptly but realized that the other was muttering in his sleep. He made slow steps towards the bed, his eyes locked on the tired face of the man he loved. There were traces of dry tears on his paler-than-usually cheeks. Jun’s heart clenched painfully because he knew he was the reason. He was hurt; it was true but he was more hurt to see the other being like that.

He closed his eyes tightly and sighed deeply. In the morning perhaps they would talk. He dragged his feet to the living room feeling them heavy before he threw himself on the sofa, his gaze staring at the ceiling. Why should things always be this complicated?

~.~.~

Nino woke up feeling his head spinning around. He tried to open his eyes slowly trying to recognize his surroundings. He gasped. Why was he there? He looked at the empty room and at himself, realizing that he was wearing Jun’s pajamas. He tried to remember what had happened the previous night but only scattered images would come to his mind. He was sure for one thing; he had drunk more than ever because he wanted to forget the zero he had become.

He slowly got off the bed and walked towards the door. He could hear no sound, as if he was alone but Jun wouldn’t have left him alone in his apartment, right? He must be there… somewhere. As soundlessly as possible, he went to the bathroom just to find it empty. He then walked to the living room, the sight in front of him causing him to gasp.

Jun… The other was sitting on the sofa staring blankly at some spot on the floor. It was obvious that he hadn’t slept at all. Nino made some hesitant steps forward, his hand aching to reach the other, to hold him… but he knew he didn’t have the right to. Defeated from this realization of his, he turned around to leave, trying to hold the tears that were threatening to fill his eyes, when he heard the other muttering something to himself.

“Why did it have to be you?”

Jun was right… he was someone the other didn’t deserve.

“I ask myself the same thing…” he mumbled before he could hold back.

Jun turned around, their eyes meeting. Immediately, he stood up and came closer to the smaller man. He was ready to speak but Nino didn’t let him. He placed his index on his lips, hushing him.

“I know I don’t deserve you… I know that I’m the scumbag who made you suffer; a total zero because at first, when I published your scandal, I admit I was enjoying myself” Nino muffled a bitter laugh. “But then we met… That night all I could see in you was me… the same emptiness; the same hurt… and it hit me badly. I regretted to have you pass through all that and then you asked me to come with you. I wanted to run away but your eyes… your eyes pierced right through my soul. I had forgotten how it was to feel, yet from the first moment I saw you, I could feel so many different things and I knew that I was playing with fire… I knew… but the need to see you again was stronger. If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t want to see me again. So, I decided to act egoistically and hide the truth about myself because I wanted you by my side… I had the false, the childish hope that I could keep it hidden forever… stupid me…”

Jun was left speechless as Nino reached for his face, tracing feather-like his cheek moving to his lips. “I just want you to know that even though I’m a liar, I never lied to you when I told you that I love you, because I really do, Jun. I know I don’t deserve your love… or more correctly… I don’t deserve love…” Nino’s voice almost cracked but that didn’t stopped him from continuing “… But I swear, I never lied to you about that… And I do admire you… I… I’m sorry for last night… I honestly don’t know why I came here… I was drunk…” he gulped lowering his head. “Thank you for bringing me up here… I won’t bother you again… I swear…” his voice was weak as he stepped backwards before turning around.

Jun was feeling his heart beating crazily in his chest but looking the other walking away made it impossible for him not to ask. Again… the only thing he could see in the other was pain. “Why?” the word was whispered causing Nino to freeze. “Why do you publish that rubbish? This is not you… All these days, I try to justify… convince myself that you’re this scumbag you just talked about but I couldn’t… No matter how much I tried to see you as Ninomiya Kazunari, I could only see Nino… a hurt man who tries to hide his weakness behind a mask of sarcasm and fake strength…”

“I…” Nino turned slowly around to look at Jun. His chest was moving fast up and down, millions of thoughts running through his mind.

“Why did you turn to leave…?” Jun told him, his eyes never leaving the other’s face. “Weren’t you the one who asked me not to leave you last night? Why do you always want to pretend the strong one? Who hurt you this much?” Jun could see the storm of emotions reflecting on Nino’s teary eyes. “It was that man I saw you with, wasn’t it?” he said softly, knowing that only if he pushed that way, the other would open up to him and he wanted to know. At this point, he had to know. He saw Nino’s shoulders starting shaking. Muffled cries gave their way to sobs and Jun couldn’t handle it anymore; he wrapped his arms around Nino’s slim waist and pressed him against his body.

Jun couldn’t count how much time passed, him holding Nino like this. The latter was clinging on him as if his life was depending on him, exactly like last night. Jun’s hand was caressing his back feather-like, trying to calm him down.

“I was eighteen when I met him” Nino said suddenly. “He was the childhood friend of the student I used to hang out at the first year of university. I can’t call it love at first sight but the more I got to know him, the deeper I fell in love… Till then, I was afraid to even admit my sexuality. I had only my father, my mother had died when I was a little kid, but he was very strict. I always had to follow specific rules in my life but Sa… Satoshi showed me another world… free of musts and must nots… a world where you could feel.

He was an artist and helped me see how feelings were beyond rules and shapes. He was telling me that I was stronger than I thought and he convinced me. I believed so myself, so I decided that I should speak up… and I did. I revealed that I was in love with him but my father couldn’t accept it. Even if he hadn’t behaved badly when he found out about my homosexuality, he couldn’t come to accept the fact that Satoshi wasn’t from a prestigious family… for my father, everything had to do with rankings… from the grades to work and love… He told me that I was a fool if I believed that we would always be together. An artist is always putting as priority his art. He had already found his love. I didn’t believe him. I stood my ground and because of that, I was thrown out of the house. I had no money… I had nothing…”

Jun could feel Nino’s heart beating in a crazy rhythm and all he could do was hold him in his arms till the other had told him everything.

“I was spending my nights at the train station. I had been molested but never said anything… neither to Satoshi, nor to Sho, my friend. I had to stand up on my own feet. I had to become the man, Satoshi was seeing in me… and I did it. I found a part-time job and I managed to rent a small room close to the university. I would be the one who would form my future… Even if I had to skip lunch one day, because I didn’t have the money for it, I didn’t care. I was finally smiling wholeheartedly. I was lost in the world Satoshi had so many times spoken of… I had given him everything; my first kiss, my first time, my heart and my soul. I had surrendered the whole me but that was what I wanted.

I thought that everything was fine, even if he didn’t call me as frequent as he used to, he would avoid making love to me. It was our second anniversary and I wanted to surprise him. I went to his apartment. I still remember how excited I was. I had bought him his favorite cake. It was expensive but I had made my savings. I took the key and opened the door, surprised to hear voices and laughs. I walked inside. He was in the living room with a taller man, I had never seen before. They were talking about some painter, I didn’t care about that… All I can remember was how that stranger’s hand was resting on Satoshi’s waist and how Satoshi hadn’t made the slightest effort to shake it away. Perhaps, he hadn’t realized it… It wouldn’t be the first time he was lost in this world of his… but then I heard him. Saying that he couldn’t do it… not before he broke up properly… with me…” Nino’s voice became tiny as he spoke the last words, making Jun tighten his grip even more.

“My whole world turned upside down. The man I had believed in, the man who had told me that we would always be together, had already moved on. I hurried away and went to sit at the small park across the street, my mind being a complete mess. It was then that my phone vibrated. It was a text from him asking me to meet with him the following day because he had something important to tell me. I didn’t leave, hoping that at least he would respect me for one day… It was only a couple of hours later that the other man left his apartment, his hair being messy. Satoshi couldn’t wait… I threw the cake in the dustbin. I had left everything behind just to be treated like that. What I hated the most was that my father was proved right. I had honestly thought that Satoshi was the one. You will tell me that I was naïve. I may was.

From that day, I started sleeping around with as many men as possible. I stopped hanging out with my friend. I isolated myself from everyone. I could trust no one. I had put myself in danger for nothing. Once again, I felt all that strength leaving me… I was once again weak but knew I had come a long way to just return back to what I was. I wanted everyone to get hurt the way I was. I wanted everyone to taste the bitterness, I had tasted… I turned into a parasite that feeds on others’ pain. Pitiful… I know… but it happened and then, I sold my first paparazzi pic… little by little, I got many. I thought that I had found my new destiny. Show everyone that there’s no such things as fairy tales.

I was just surviving… for years, I stopped feeling… but you… you came and once again my world turned upside down. I saw the emptiness in you… your eyes were speaking into my soul. I was so afraid in the beginning but then I started feeling stronger again. You reminded me how it is to feel… and feel loved. Now, I can tell that what Satoshi felt for me wasn’t love. Perhaps what I felt for him wasn’t love… Perhaps it was need… Because what I’m feeling for you can’t be measured… This time I don’t have the power to take revenge… I don’t want to take revenge… I-”

Nino didn’t have the chance to finish as two lips captured his feverishly. He tilted his head responding to the kiss, desperate to feel the other’s hotness. He needed him too much to leave him. Jun was his everything. He broke the kiss once his lungs needed air and looked deeply into the other’s eyes.

“Jun, I…”

“Shh…” Jun wiped his tears away and brought their foreheads together. “You’re not the only scumbag here. With Masaki I also wanted to take revenge… I did. I was punishing him and I’m ashamed of myself. But I also realized something. Like you, this time I didn’t seek revenge…”

“Ju-”

“Perhaps because my love for you also can’t be measured…”

“Does that mean that-”

“Seeing you on my bed made me realize that I want to see you there. Every single day… We’ve both made mistakes… that can’t be undone but we can always try from now on… I want us to try… because I think that you deserve to be loved… I deserve to be loved… and I love you, Kazunari” Nino gasped at the sound of his first name. He didn’t know what to say or more correctly, couldn’t utter a single word. He just threw his arms on Jun burying his head in the crook of his neck, making the latter smile fondly, pressing his lips on the top of Nino’s head. “I tried to convince myself for the opposite but I can’t deny it. I love you more than anything…”


***


Masaki looked at the sleeping figure next to him. His eyes fell on the other’s plump lips causing a racing within his heart. He could still feel how hot they were on his skin, as they moved slowly all over his body, spreading kisses and caresses that made him feel worshiped… loved. It had been a while since he had felt this way… It was passionate, lustful and in the same time caring, slow. His eyes moved lower to the well-sculpted torso, to the hands that never left him. They were holding him tightly, protectively. Everything would have been perfect but Masaki was afraid. Sakurai Sho had shown that he cared for him… he had stayed by his side… he had given him a perfect night of passion, making him feel more alive than he had been in a while but there was one problem. They hadn’t talked.

He didn’t accuse the other of course… he wanted it… not like when he was with Takkey. This time he wanted to feel this man. Sho had always been reserved, never making a move yet the moment he captured his lips outside the door was enough to surprise him. Masaki would have never guessed that Sho could hide such a passionate side and it made him want to have it all. He wanted to feel loved. He needed it… and the gaze full of lust, he had met once they broke the kiss was enough to lower all the barriers of resistance.

It was still dark outside but he knew that it must be around five.  He hadn’t managed to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. His mind was full of questions and ifs. If the other proved to be another Takkey? If he had finally had what he wanted and left him? If the truth was too harsh? If they ended up not together? He sat up and took deep breaths, trying to regulate his heartbeat.

Since everything that had happened, he felt as if he had changed. A part of the old Masaki was gone… yet whenever he was with Sho he felt complete, as if he could really be ok. The same had happened last night but could he really trust him? He was that Ninomiya’s friend… Don’t they say ‘show me your friends to tell you who you are’?! He turned his head to the man asleep on his side. These eyes that had been looking at him with adoration, that had spoken to his soul, they couldn’t lie, could they?  

Sighing, he got off the bed without caring to cover his nakedness. What for? He walked to the bathroom and looked at his idol in the mirror. His heartbeat raced dangerously as his fingers came to trace the marks left on his collarbones and chest. His eyes closing as the memories of their time together flashed in his mind. How could someone, that had shown him how it felt to be loved, be lying…? Right?

~.~.~

Masaki’s mind turned blank when he felt Sho’s tongue brushing his lips asking for permission. Without knowing what he was doing, he opened to welcome it inside. The feeling was too intense. It was claiming, passionate, desperate. Suddenly he was pressed against the door of his apartment while their mouths continued to be occupied with each other. It was only when a moan escaped from the back of his throat when he realized where they were and what they were doing.

He broke the kiss, panting. He looked at the other who was in an equal state. He didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions yet none could take form. Biting his lower lip, he pushed the other slightly backwards in order to open the door. He made a nod to him to enter. They remained at the entrance for several minutes without saying anything. Masaki’s eyes were locked on Sho’s. He had never seen them this dark before. There was the usual warmth but there was also something else; a rawness, he had never seen before.

His heart was beating as if it would jump out of his chest. He felt hot and he knew one thing. He wanted to feel those lips on his again. He made a few steps forward till he was standing right in front of Sho. The latter’s eyes were asking if it was really ok. A part of Masaki was still afraid but at that moment, he just wanted to give in. His hands wrapped around Sho’s neck as he leaned closer, making their lips almost touch each other.

Sho didn’t wait any longer. Hungrily, he claimed Masaki’s lips crushing their bodies together. On their way to Masaki’s bedroom they kept hitting against the walls of the narrow hallway. Once inside, the clothes found their place on the floor. Masaki felt his cheeks turning red when he saw the way Sho’s eyes roamed on his naked body. He was slowly pushed down on the bed till he was lying on his back, his hands held at each side of his.  

He could only throw his head behind, moaning when he felt Sho’s lips finding his neck, moving on it torturously slowly, tasting every inch of his covered-with-sweat skin. He couldn’t remember when it was the last time his body was this sensitive, this thirsty for love. The mouth moved lower finding his collarbones, sucking and licking it, leaving small marks behind. He was already completely aroused and even if he loved it, he wanted to feel the other. His hips left the mattress meeting Sho above, hoping they could transmit his message.

Sho stopped his caresses and looked deeply into Masaki’s eyes. “I want to show you how much I love you, Masaki… Be patient…”

Masaki bit his lower lip. He was impatient; it might have been because he hadn’t slept with anybody for months but he needed to feel him. Sho didn’t seem to listen to him though. His lips were ghosting over his navel spreading soft, feather-like kisses.

“Close your eyes and feel…” Sho said in a husky voice.

Masaki obeyed just to let a loud scream. The hotness that covered his erection was breathtaking. His hands found Sho’s hair, caressing it. He couldn’t speak… only unintelligent sounds could escape from his throat as the other worked on him more. Masaki felt lost in a sweet abyss when he finally felt Sho enter him. Only the thought that they had been united was enough to bring him to the verge but tried to hold back. He wanted to feel the other in him as much as possible. He had chosen to give in because he knew that it might never happen again.

Was it the way Sho looked at him, his eyes reflecting love…? The way their hands were intertwined, never breaking this bond…? The way his lover kept mumbling that he loved him…? Masaki couldn’t give one answer; he only knew that tears had filled his eyes, blurring the beautiful image of the other in front of him. He had never guessed that Sho would look this amazing in an intimate moment; flushed, his mouth agape, droplets on his temples… and yet the same warm, calm gaze he had him fallen in love with.

Their bodies were moving together as if they already knew one another, finding the ultimate pleasure together. The moves quickly became faster, causing gasps, sounds of slapping skins, moans fill the small room. Masaki felt himself trembling uncoordinatedly as the most intense orgasm, he had ever felt, ripped through his body, leaving him breathless, his nails deep in Sho’s back, marking the soft skin.

“Masaki…” Sho mumbled still holding him in his arms.

Masaki wasn’t stupid. They hadn’t fucked. They had made love but would it really be ok? Could he return these three words? He stared at Sho’s face who was right above him. He didn’t know what to say… he was feeling exhausted to say anything at the moment. Sho slipped out of him and lied down on his side, his eyes on the white ceiling.

“Sleep here…”Masaki mumbled shyly.

“Masaki, I-” Sho sounded hesitant.

Masaki knew they had to talk but he needed to put his thoughts in order… right now everything inside him was a mess. “Just hold me…” he said almost like a whisper and sighed relieved when he felt the next second Sho’s hands wrapping around his waist, bringing him closer, this time with the familiar warmth that Sho had always shown him.

Masaki gasped when he felt a soft peck on his nape. “I love you…” Sho already sounded tired. It wasn’t a surprise since Masaki had found him waiting for him out of his door. He could only smile when he heard soft snoring sounds escaping from the other’s throat.

He tried to ease his heartbeat but it was still crazy. Inside he was confused but his body had felt more alive than ever. He turned around and saw Sho sleeping. He looked cuter than ever with the way his hair was all over his face, still red by their previous activities. He leaned closer and pecked feather-like the other’s lips. Now, that Sho had fallen asleep, he could finally say it out loud. “I love you, too” his voice was trembling, weak. “But I’m also afraid… afraid that I will have to send you away…”

~.~.~

Masaki opened his eyes again, meeting his tired gaze. He was torn between not caring about whatever happened, because he simply wanted Sho in his life, and finding out the whole truth, because he wanted to be sure that the person he had grown to love so much, really deserved his love… really loved him back the same way.

He sighed lowering his head when he suddenly felt two hands wrapping around his waist. He looked up to find Sho standing right behind him, looking at him through the mirror, his eyes falling on the marks he had left on his body. Masaki suddenly felt exposed… shy. He couldn’t explain why but he wanted to escape from there. He tried to move but couldn’t; Sho’s grip was strong, not giving him the chance he sought for.

“Did you regret it?”

Sho’s question took Masaki aback. If he said he had, he would be lying. There was no point in saying lies… not to Sho who understood him better than anyone even before they had exchanged a single word. He shook his head negatively avoiding to meet the other’s eyes. He tried to escape from Sho’s grip again, the fear growing inside him, with no success. Sho only tightened the hug even more. “Don’t run away, Masaki; not before you listen to me…”

Masaki felt a knot on his throat. It was weird. Before when he was coming back to his apartment he was determined to know everything but now, after having felt him this intimately, he was afraid… more and more. He tried to blink the tears that kept filling his eyes in vain. The emotions were too many, too intense, too complicated. He felt Sho holding him by his arms, turning him around slowly. He said nothing; he just hugged him tightly.

“Don’t be afraid, Masaki, because I love you… I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you saying that monologue in that small theater in a basement at Shibuya” Masaki gasped. He wanted to ask why? How? He tried to articulate words but he was too shocked to do so.

“You had something magical on you… a passion and a sincerity that were too rare… I might have known Ninomiya Kazunari… but my feelings for you have nothing to do with him, the scandal, your ex-partner, your success… My feelings have only to do with you… Before I met you I could only imagine what an amazing person you’d be but after I got to spend time with you, I realized that you could make me fall in love with you even deeper. Just know this. I love you; not the Aiba Masaki; just my Masaki” Masaki was left speechless. “I promise you… I’ll tell you everything… Just, please… don’t try to run away” Sho spoke pleadingly.

Masaki tried to detect the lie somewhere but couldn’t. All he could see in Sho’s eyes was love… His heart was still beating fast, still trying to analyze all the information he had just found out. Sho had said that he loved him. Did that mean that they could be together?




TO BE CONTINUED…






A.N. Sooo minna finally here's the new chapter! ^_^ I know it's the 2 1/2 weeks since the last update but at first, I had to work on my thesis - no time to even reread it, some days I was left without any or way too slow internet that didn't allowed to upload anything on lj and after rereading it a second time, I ended up more or less rewriting the whole chapter because I wasn't satisfied! xP
Here we have more Matsumiya but I needed to clear many things concerning Nino's past! I know it's sad but at least, now they can both move on and try to really be together. There are some still things to happen... Ohmiya need to talk - we don't know Ohno's POV - and what will happen to Nino now that he has to face a lawsuit. All that will come after our Sakuraiba have their proper conversation, as well! :) This time, I decided to show you some lovey-dovey moments although it wasn't too graphic - Sorry but I didn't want to turn this fic into an nc one... ^^" I hope you still found it satisfying! xP And as you saw at the end, Sho revealed something we didn't know. He was in love with Masaki for years! You'll learn everything in the next chapter - that will be posted on time! ><" I promise! ;)
This chapter is the longest one - almost 7.400 words, so I hope in a way it compensated for all the time you had to wait for it!
Next chapter won't be this sad! :)


I really hope you enjoyed it and as always your comments are <333!!!




See you soon,
Andy ^_^