Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Angst

Rating: R

Summary: Masaki knows that he has to stop meeting with him. He knows that he's going to get hurt but he can't stop; this man is his oxygen, giving him a sense of life like no other. The moments he passes with him feel right but is this enough? Does the other feel something more for him or is it only lust? Will Masaki be his priority or not? 

Disclaimer: I don't own Sakuraiba, they own me.



A.N. This is written for rollingday_s 's Wish Meme! ^^

Almost Here

 

“I missed you so much…”

 

Masaki’s mind couldn’t register more as a hungry mouth found his neck, kissing it and sucking it with an eagerness that could only make him moan. His hands were lost in the other’s hair, pulling it with force as their crotches brushed together. He was pinned against the wall his hands gripped by the wrists and secured above his head with one hand. Another was tracing feather-like his lips while darkened, lustful eyes were locked in his. He could feel his heart beating crazily in his chest, making it almost painful for him. It wasn’t painful because he the man in front of him wasn’t showing how much he craved him… how much he wanted to feel him… how much he desired to make him his… No… It was all there… The honesty; the passion. But it was painful because he knew that it all started and ended behind a closed door of a hotel room.

~.~.~

It wasn’t that Masaki felt betrayed. Things had always been clear between them. They would meet twice per week, every Monday and Thursday, spending two hours together. Masaki knew that from the beginning. He was the one who agreed to the other’s proposition. He knew that was all that he could have and he had agreed. He knew he wasn’t such a man. He knew he wasn’t someone who could be satisfied with something less than a relationship. The cases of being mocked as incurably romantic weren’t few. In any other case, he wouldn’t have anything to think about but this time it had been different. This time he wanted to take anything the other had to give him. Was it half an hour? One hour? More? Anything; he’d take it. He was this much in love with him or more correctly no; He loved him this much.

 

He had met him last summer and immediately fell in love with that pair of expressive eyes that never let him out of sight. He could still remember how alive he had felt that night; he could still feel his heartbeat as the other asked him for his name; he could still feel the butterflies dancing in his stomach as the other leaned closer and led him to the most breathtaking kiss he had ever experienced. The first time his phone buzzed found him screaming from happiness. It had been a while since he had been asked on a date and he felt excited. He had spent the entire evening trying to find the perfect outfit that would make him look sexy and classy at the same time. He beamed from happiness when he found him waiting outside the fancy restaurant he had asked him to come. He was wearing a dark blue suit that made him look so elegant and beautiful that Masaki had forgotten for a moment how to breathe.

 

It was after they were served the wine that he heard the other’s proposition. He felt as if the world around him was collapsing. He thought that the other had fallen for him or at least, wanted to try and see how things would evolve between them but unfortunately he had made a mistake. The other wasn’t in the same path and from what it seemed he didn’t want to be either. Masaki though was looking at those beautiful eyes and felt drawn to them… he could almost feel that they were secretly begging him to agree… and he did. He felt his heart sinking when the other’s hand found his, squeezing it softly, while his lips were curved into a smile. He was beautiful and he was smiling for him. Masaki was allowed to believe that… he tried to believe that trying to find a reason behind this ‘yes’ he had just muttered.

---

“There’s a reason why I can’t give you more, Masaki...”

 

 

“Sho-kun, there’s no reason to explain anything to me. It was a one-night stand. I get it. There was no reason to call me again just to tell me this. You could simply text me.” Masaki muttered in a low, almost trembling voice without having the chance to finish his words as Sho cut him off.

 

 

“I wanted to explain. I’m an ambitious person. My goal is to become a successful politician.”

 

 

Masaki looked at the young man sitting in front of him and could see the determination in his eyes. He knew the other wasn’t lying. He knew he would do it. He knew he’d never become his priority.

 

 

“Ah… A politician cannot have a boyfriend, right?! I understand!” he said in a tiny voice. He was ready to get up and leave when he was stopped.

 

 

“I really like you though… A lot… That’s why I called you today. I’d like us to meet again…”

 

 

“You mean… like two nights ago?” Masaki asked his voice becoming even tinier.

 

 

“Yes… If you don’t want to though, I’ll understand…”

 

 

“Ok…” Masaki whispered before his brain could register what he had just uttered.

 

 

He was made to look straight at the other’s face. “You mean it?!”

 

 

Masaki smiled. “Yes…” he whispered. He didn’t really mean it but there was absolutely no way he’d say no to these beautiful eyes, staring at him this intensely; not when the other’s hot breath was hitting on his chin making his whole body shiver at the memory of how it had felt two nights ago.

 

 

He knew he was going to get hurt; he knew the other would never choose him but he couldn’t say no… it was stronger than him… more than he had ever imagined.

---

Six months later and he was still trying to convince himself that he was strong enough. Strong to accept that he still had him, even if he wished he didn’t occupy only four hours of the other’s weekly program. He didn’t like it; he didn’t like being part of the other’s program. He wanted to be a part of the other’s life, even if that was impossible. He had sometimes thought to stop; stop seeing him, stop accepting his invitations. He wanted to stop being nothing more than a booty call. Yes… the other had been clear from the very beginning… yes… he had agreed into this… yes… but he still wished he knew how to make his heart not be in so much pain whenever his body felt the other’s caresses.

 

Despite all the pain though, Masaki still needed him. This man was his oxygen. The only moments, he’d feel truly alive were whenever they became one. Feeling the other’s covered-in-sweat body on top of his, these strong arms holding him by his waist, caressing him wherever they could reach, seeing these almost-shaped eyes looking deeply into his while his hips were moving against him making his body surrender completely was making him never want this to end. He could see the passion, the rawness, the eagerness, the lust… he even dared to say the care…

 

It was only when the other would wordlessly light a cigarette that the pain would feel his heart. Tears would fill his eyes as he entered the bathroom to take a quick shower, letting the water clean away any trace of their previous activities. Once he was clean, it was as if the last few hours were erased. It kind of felt that way when he’d come out with the towel loose around his waist, to find the room empty. There would only be the ashes left in the ashtray on the bedside table to prove that he had been there.

 

Masaki would get dressed as fast as possible and he’d leave the room without throwing a second glance. The same way he didn’t need to open the text he’d receive a little later. He had done it the first time. [Thanks. It was great.] He had never thought that these four words could cause so much pain… He would get on the bus without thinking. His mind was blank… He’d always return back home and spend the rest of the evening looking outside till the sky turned dark. Pain always gave its place to emptiness.

~.~.~

Masaki didn’t show any resistance as he was thrown on the mattress, his body immediately covered by the other’s strong one. Their lips locked together in a heated kiss that made both moan loudly. Everything that night happened fast, with a rawness that Masaki had never experienced before. It’s not that he complained about it… his body felt numb but in a good way.

 

He turned to his side to look at the other who was still panting heavily while his stare was locked on the ceiling.

 

“Something happened?” he asked before he could realize what words had just come out of his mouth. He wasn’t supposed to ask such a question. “Are you interested in another round? When will we meet again?” were the only ones allowed in their type of relationship.

 

“I missed you…” Masaki heard the other say gaining a gasp from him. There was no scold, no cold gaze like in the past when he forgot what they were and made mistakes.

 

“I missed you, too, Sho…” he whispered, his voice slightly trembling. He had missed him… I always miss you…

 

 

Sho turned and looked at him with an unreadable gaze. Silence covered the room, making Masaki feel awkward. It was always like that. He could never guess what the other was thinking… there were times he thought that there was something more in those eyes… something that could be translated into care, affection… and there were times that he felt disapproval be reflected in them. This time there was neither the first, nor the second but despite the lack of emotion, there was an intensity that made his heart rate go faster than ever.

 

After what it seemed an eternity, Masaki saw him sitting better on the bed, grabbing his cigarettes. His eyes never left Sho’s. He could tell that there was something the other wanted to tell him but no word came out of his mouth. He sighed deeply and was ready to step out of the bed when he felt a hand holding his arm. He turned around bewildered to see Sho looking at him with softer eyes, his cigarette hanging at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Come here…” was what Sho asked him and even if Masaki wanted to resist, he knew he had no power. He leaned closer to the other, letting his head rest on the other’s torso.

 

He closed his eyes as he felt a hand caressing feather-like his hair. This was something new.

 

“Since when are we this affectionate? Isn’t she the one to be held like this?” he asked in a whispering voice. He was ruining a perfect moment; a moment he was craving for but he wanted to not be tricked… to not raise a false hope.

 

He felt Sho stiffening at the mention of ‘she’. ‘She’ wasn’t supposed to be mentioned during their meetings; Masaki knew it well. ‘She’ was a part of his public image… and not his secret one… like him.

---

Two weeks ago…

 

 

“I had a proposition by the Prime Minister to be among the candidates of the party for the next elections.”

 

 

Masaki frowned. Sho had barely talked to him about his career or anything that didn’t have to do with their meetings.

 

 

“Congratulations. I was always sure you’d do it!”

 

 

“I have to ameliorate my public image. You know…”

 

 

Masaki smiled bitterly. He finally understood why the other was telling him all that. “You’re getting married.”

 

 

“No… not yet. I’m getting engaged to Yamamoto Narumi. She’s the grand-daughter of Fujisaya Keitarou. He’s a man of great influence in the Prefecture.”

 

 

“I think I’ve seen her once on the news… If I remember correctly, she’s beautiful.” Masaki replied hoping that his voice sounded neutral.

 

 

“I don’t like her… but it’s… necessary…”

 

 

Masaki ignored Sho’s long sigh. “Of course.” He was about to head to the bathroom when he was shoved back on the bed that creaked.

 

 

“You’re not leaving yet… I’m not done with you!”

 

 

“But I-” the words were muffled as Masaki’s lips were captured by Sho’s ones in a brutal, almost painful way. There was a desperation Masaki had never felt before and even if his insides were screaming, his hands found their way to Sho’s nape, wrapping around it tightly, wanting to feel the other more. That night they exchanged no more words. The only sounds that echoed on the walls were loud gasps, whines, whimpers, moans.

 

 

That night, Sho didn’t dare to stop Masaki when the latter almost ran towards the bathroom without even breathing normally yet. Neither did Masaki dare to ask Sho why he entered inside the bathtub, starting shampooing his hair behind him.

---

After what it seemed an eternity, Sho spoke again, his voice not showing any trace of anger. “I want us to relax, Masaki… I hope you still have strength left in you…”

 

“Of course, I do! What did you think of me?!” Masaki replied imitating Sho’s playful tone ignoring the pain in his chest.

 

***

 

“They look so perfect together!” the middle-aged woman said after she nodded to Masaki who had poured champagne in her glass.

 

“I agree, Sakurai-san. I personally cannot wait until the wedding takes place! The news have already started talking about it!”

 

“It’s not every day that a Sakurai and a Yamamoto are getting married!” Sakurai Shun said with a wide smile as he looked at his son and his soon-to-be daughter-in-law sitting across the table. “The best wife for a politician who only starts his career!”

 

Masaki moved around to fill the young couple’s glasses praying his hand wouldn’t tremble. He tried to keep his composure straight, his lips curved into the soft smile the dining area responsible had taught all the waiters with so much details. Once he was finished, he placed carefully the bottle in the filled-with-ice bucket and bowed politely before leaving the VIP room to go back to the kitchen and bring the appetizers they had ordered. He could feel his eyesight turning blurry as he was walking but took deep breaths not wanting to fall apart. There was no reason to fall apart. He already knew… but if he knew why did it have to be so painful?

 

Masaki threw one last glance before he looked at the couple sitting next to each other before closing the VIP door behind him. He was holding the empty tray back to the kitchen. He smiled bitterly. There was no doubt… indeed, they looked perfect together.

 

 ***

 

Neither of them dared to mention that encounter in the restaurant. The months were passing by and the two calls per week became two calls per month. The times Masaki would stare at his phone screen waiting for a call weren’t few but the more they became the more he was realizing that he was pathetic; a word he had never imagined he’d use for himself. His best friend, Nino, had tried many times to ask what was wrong with him but he didn’t want to discuss it. He knew he was at fault. He knew from the beginning that he’d never be Sho’s priority and he had accepted it. He might have falsely hoped he’d never experience so much pain but he couldn’t blame Sho for that.

 

He opened the TV just to see him on the news. The marriage would take place at the end of the next month. How was he supposed to find time to meet him?!

~.~.~

He’d go to his work and come back moving almost robotic, living his life passively. As if there was no reason for it… This went on for a couple of weeks until he received a text.

 

From: Sho

Metropolis Hotel-hotel room 245

Tuesday, 17h.

 

He laughed bitterly. His texts would always be this laconic; place, date, time. His fingers moved fast as he typed his reply. His hand was shaking as sobs were threatening to escape from his throat but he knew there was no alternative option.

 

***

 

Masaki threw his head backwards, his waist arching beautifully as he felt hotness surrounding him down there. This time, they hadn’t managed to reach the bed but Masaki didn’t care. He only wanted to feel the other more… he wanted to hear him moan louder… call his name like a mantra… he wanted to see the other surrender the same way he always did himself. His nails scratched the back as his hips pushed back, meeting his half-way. It felt so right, their bodies moving in unison like one.

 

At one moment, he was gripped by his waist and lifted up so that he was now on the other’s lap. He looked at his eyes and bit his lower lip powerfully, to prevent the sob that threatened to leave his throat. This time, there was something else… something that made his heart beat more painfully than usually, not only because he had taken that decision, but also because something in Sho’s eyes was telling him that this decision would be mutual. He said nothing though; he only moved faster, his hands wrapping around the other’s nape, holding him tight. He let his head rest on his shoulder, closing his eyes. He tried to think nothing and only feel. Feel this hot body against his, feel every breath, every touch… everything… as long as they were given to him.

 

“Masaki…” he heard the other moaning his name and it felt as if something broke inside him.

 

He hated himself when he realized that the first tears were running down his cheeks. He didn’t try to stop them though. This time he didn’t want to pretend, to hide anything and just held the other tighter. Sho also said nothing in return. He just hugged him even tighter as he moved faster. When they were both close, Masaki was made to look at the other; his eyes bulged when he realized that the other’s eyes were glistering and it wasn’t from lust.

 

“Sho…” his voice was trembling; hesitant.

 

The other crushed their lips together, his hands gripping Masaki’s hair forcefully, as he deepened the kiss. Their screams were muffled as they both reached over the top almost at the same time. It had always been intense but this time more than ever… perhaps because this time they hadn’t fucked; they had made love; perhaps because this time they both knew it would be the last one.

 

***

 

Eight years later…

 

 

“Sakurai-san! I’d like you to meet Matsumoto-san, the founder of Matsumoto Corporation”

 

Sho heard his office secretary saying and immediately looked at the man standing in front of him. He was around his age but there was something in his eyes that made him look younger, more… alive.

 

“I remember you. You’re the one who took the first prize for the most successful businessman. Innovative ideas such as yours give hope. Japan economy needs reinforcement after the latest changes in the Global Market.”

 

“Minister, I’m honored to finally meet you.” Matsumoto Jun said and bowed politely.

 

Minister… Sho sighed. Yes… he had made his dream come true; not only was he a successful politician but also the youngest to ever get the position of the Minister of Finance. He was about to speak again when he saw a strangely familiar silhouette coming closer to them.

 

“May I introduce Aiba Masaki?”

 

“Investor?” Sho’s secretary asked.

 

“No. Someone really important to me!”

 

Sho felt the time freeze the moment their gazes met. He was still the same only that now there were a few faint lines at the end of his eyes, making him look more mature and no matter how much Sho tried to deny it, a lot more beautiful than the last time he had seen him. It had been nine in the evening, a cold Tuesday of December when he had seen him getting out of that room of Metropolis Hotel.

 

“Sakurai-san…” Sho’s secretary whispered in the latter’s ear bringing him back to reality.

 

They kept talking, Sho finding hard to stay focused.

 

“It’s been nice to meet you, Matsumoto-san, A- Aiba-san, but if you excuse me, I must speak with the Prime Minister.” Sho whispered after about ten minutes and left, not wanting to accept the way his heart would clench painfully at the sight of the sparkle his eyes had when they were looking at Matsumoto Jun.

 

***

 

Sho entered in his bedroom. His wife was nowhere to be seen. He knew where she was, so no need to worry. It’s been two years since she started finding the room of her personal bodyguard more comfortable than the one she shared with her husband. He didn’t care… He had never loved her.

 

He put on his pajamas and went to the bedroom three doors on his left. He opened the door carefully, his lips immediately curving into a smile. He could hear the steady breaths as he came closer to the bed. She looked so innocent, like a little angel. She was his little angel; she was the source of his happiness in the life he had chosen to live; her high pitched voice when she called him papa was the only sound that made him smile genuinely. His beautiful daughter…

 

He stayed by her side for a few minutes and left after giving her a small kiss on her forehead carefully not to wake her up. He went to the kitchen and grabbed one beer can from the fridge.

 

The house around him felt empty… like always. Sho’s eyes fell on the pictures they kept in the living room. His eyes didn’t shine… they never did unlike his earlier that evening. Sho could tell that Masaki had moved on, that he was happy, like he deserved it. He wished he had told him that he was someone important to him… that he was in love with him. He wished he had chosen him over a political career but he hadn’t and there was nothing he could do anymore. He had always been almost there for the other. He was told once, wasn’t he?! “You’re only almost here…”

 

He opened the beer can and drank half of it in one go, hating himself for being so stupid; blind behind his desire for success. He laughed bitterly, not caring about the tears that were running down his cheeks freely. He had done it… he had become the great politician he’d always dreamt of…

 

THE END

A.N. Sooo minna here's an ANGSTY Sakuraiba OS! ^_^" I know that it's not something I have ever written before (a fic with broken SA in the end) but since rollingday_s said that it would be ok with no happy ending, I decided to write it like that for once, to make a realistic but not exactly happy ending mosty for Sho! I tried to focus on the feelings more and focus more on Masaki just to leave the end for Sho's POV and how sometimes our choices define our future. Masaki managed to move on and luckily found Jun and our dear Sho at least, has a beautiful daughter that gives him strength. I belive though that he always has the choice to change his future! 

The next OS that will come is a fluffy, High-School AU Sakuraiba to make it up to all of you who didn't like this ending and another Matsumiya/Ohmiya one that I owe to yukitsubute and learashi respectively! I haven't forgotten them!!





 

I really hope you enjoyed it - despite the ending - and I'd love to read your comments! <333

See you very soon,

Andy ^_^