Part 9

 

 

Satoshi was sitting on the floor with his back on the wall staring blankly at some point in the dark room. He didn’t know what time it was… neither did he care to find out. He still didn’t know how he had managed to leave Sho’s house after having tasted his lips again. Once he was inside his apartment, he didn’t care to take his clothes off; neither to take a bath. He was replaying the kiss again and again, not being able to believe that it had actually taken place in Sho’s house. He had sworn that such thing would never happen again but then, how could it not?

 

Deep inside, he knew that this fight was in vain. He knew he wasn’t as strong as he tried to look and the events from earlier before proved it. But that wasn’t the only case. The words of the number one host were still lingering in his mind… He had told him that the only moments Nino seemed happy was with him. Could it be true? Perhaps, it was just a trick but then again, what would the host achieve? There wasn’t something for him to achieve. Satoshi had already after his first visits at the club realized how much rivalry existed between the hosts… This Hiro wouldn’t have anything to win.

                                                                                        

His words were though enough to make Satoshi feel the need to see it with his very own eyes… Or that was what he was saying to himself to justify his decision to go at Nino’s work. He would stay outside the host club in the dark, always driving alone, using one of the company cars, in order not to be found. He would do it every single night. Several times, the thought of entering inside and asking for another host’s company had crossed his mind but that would be completely useless.

 

He couldn’t manage anything but hurt himself more than he already felt. The moment his eyes would meet with his would crush his heart into million pieces… from hurt, because he was this close and yet this far from him, from jealousy, because those hands would touch someone else and that voice would be destined to someone else but him but more than everything it would break from disappointment. The other’s presence in the club would only remind him that he had failed and he was once again alone… there would be nobody to say a sweet word close to his ear, he would feel no warmth from a body pressed close to him. He would end up feeling empty and that would bring him even more fear… emptiness… like it had several years ago… the only time had let his heart beat a bit faster over everyone. This time, his father wasn’t alive but there was the rest of the family. He remained an Ohno... which only meant nightmares… again…

 

He couldn’t get to break down like that once again. He couldn’t handle it. That’s why he had chosen to always wait outside the club, behind the steering wheel until he saw his former lover leaving. He still wanted to see how the other was. Was he ok? Was he feeling bad? Would he leave with company?

 

Most of the times, Satoshi would witness Nino leave alone, with his hands in his pockets and his head lowered. His steps would be heavy, making him seem as if his mind was elsewhere… There was nowhere around him that glamor of a host. There were other times, though, that clients, middle-aged men in most cases, would pull him into a kiss. It was also a couple of times that Satoshi had seen Nino enter into the expensive cars along with their owners. Satoshi’s heart was clenching every single time painfully but still… These men weren’t the ones who called him their puppy. These men wouldn’t kiss him in the forceful and possessive way he had witnessed a week ago, without caring about who may be watching, right in the middle of the road. It was that very moment that he questioned himself why he was still going to the club? Was there any reason to? He knew that the host hadn’t realized neither that he had taken notice of him nor that he was watching them closely. A part of him had felt the need to walk towards them and punch this Hina with all his might right onto his face. It was only when he had seen how Nino reacted that made him realize he had absolutely no right to go anywhere near them.

 

How could he, when he had seen the way Nino kissed this man back; it was in a way he had never done with him. Satoshi had seen clearly how the younger man had opened his mouth, how he was moving his head, tilting it to give the other full access… how he had moaned, not even caring about the disapproving looks they were receiving by the people around them. The kiss was as if it was taken out from a low budget AV video, messy and provocative. To Satoshi’s eyes it could only be called disgusting. His hands had clenched into fists when he saw how the hands, he wanted to feel only on him, were wrapped around the other man’s nape, massaging the hair while Hina’s ones were groping his lower back possessively. He couldn’t see clearly Nino’s face from his spot but there wasn’t much left for imagination. There was a rawness in the scene that was being played in front of his eyes that made him feel sick. Sho had tried to pull him away but he couldn’t move. His head once again was a mess.

 

Was truly Nino liking this? Was he really finding him boring? Had he really never enjoyed his kisses? His touches? The man in front of him was a shameless young man who only craved for carnal contact… And if the CEO judged from the passers-by’s comments, he wasn’t the only one who thought so. It still made him angry, though. He didn’t want to hear others calling the one he loved a slut or a whore. Because yes… he still loved him.

 

He was more confused than ever. He could still remember how his former lover would nestle in his arms after they had sex…It hadn’t happened only once or twice… It was every single time and it would always be Nino the one who was seeking for his hand in order to intertwine their fingers together. It would always be Nino the one who would take deep breaths in the crook of his neck, in order to capture his beautiful relaxing scent, like he used to tell him. Were all these moments nothing more than pure lies? If he judged from the way, he was letting the other manhandle him at that very moment, Satoshi thought they were…, right? He still remembered how he gasped in surprise when he saw Nino grabbing the other man’s arm while staring at him with a rather playful, inviting look. Satoshi lowered his head at the sight. No… This man in front of him was a total stranger… his eyes were reflecting no love… no warmth unlike the Kazu he had gotten to know.

 

It had been painful when he had seen all those mails… let alone seeing it live before his eyes, especially when he saw the way Nino was pulled by his arm and thrown into the luxurious black car that was waiting for them a few meters away. He hadn’t been able to see his former lover’s face but he knew that it must have been painful. His remained locked on the small man’s figure, trying desperately to find any trace of discomfort, resistance but he saw nothing. It was as if he was accepting everything… perhaps because it was exactly that what he liked.

 

All this time, Nino was lying to him, meeting with this man while being with him, covering any marks that he might have on his body, refusing any type of help. He wished the host had opened up to him the way he had… even a bit. He wished he would have given him a trace of hope to find the light at the end of the dark tunnel but nothing. So, he decided to stop visiting the club. Nino had made his decision. A part of him, a tiny part of him, had been secretly wishing that the other would show up to him, telling him that everything with that man was over… that he was choosing him… but that never happened.

 

Satoshi had, finally, decided to let go. He soon realized, though, that it wouldn’t be that easy to do so. The image of Nino meeting with that man was still strong in his mind, accompanying him every single night in his dreams… other times he would see Nino sitting on that man’s lap with his hand wrapped around his neck, looking at him provocatively; other times, he would see him sitting curled up in the corner of his bedroom asking him for help before this man came and take him away from him. Nino had told him that he loved him. He still had that text. Was that another game of his? And if yes, what would he gain? Was it a matter of pride or just fun?

 

Satoshi knew it well that if it wasn’t for his friend, he would have turned crazy. It was the reason why he had accepted to go to that party, even if he despised such events more than anything. He had to try to stop thinking about him… or more correctly, to make his mind stop thinking in general. The last he was expecting to find at Sho’s house, though, was him… the very same him he was so desperately trying to let go. Was it pure coincidence or another cruel game of fate? He couldn’t know for sure…

 

What had happened between them in Sho’s bathroom had made Satoshi, once again, not knowing what to believe. His fingers came to trace his lips unconsciously. They were feeling hot under his touch. He could still feel the other’s soft ones on his… he could still feel the way, those hands he adored, were holding him tightly by the waist, pulling their bodies together, as he tilted his head to deepen it even more. The way he clang onto him wasn’t like he had seen with that man… it was different… if he didn’t know better, he would believe that the host was craving for him… wanted him in the same desperate way he did himself.

 

He still didn’t know what had triggered him to turn around and crush their lips together. Was it because the younger man looked more fragile and paler than he ever remembered seeing him before? Was it because of the tears he had seen Nino blinking away while telling him that he was trying to forget him? Satoshi sighed. Nino still had this impact on him… No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried, the other was still under his skin, deeply. His words… Could it mean that the other was feeling the way he did? Did he suffer? Did he miss him? But then again, hadn’t he seen him with that Hina? Was he missing something in the whole story? Had he acted irresponsibly? Satoshi was feeling his heart racing dangerously… He had seen the way the younger man would lean against the wall with the glass of wine in his hand. He seemed lonely… lost… suffocated…

 

Perhaps, it was exactly that what made Satoshi feel suffocated himself. The more he stayed at Sho’s party, the more he felt like that. Inside, he was crying, every inch of his body and soul experiencing the worst pain, and he knew he couldn’t fight it longer. He needed to calm down. He rushed to the bathroom to throw some cold water on his face. He thought he had managed to actually succeed in making himself stronger but the fragile image of the man he loved popped into his mind. The only thing he wanted to do was to run into the room and take him into his arms, like he used to, but he couldn’t. The other had chosen not to trust him and let him help which meant that he didn’t need his help in the first place. Yet… he seemed sad… Before he was realizing what was happening heavy, hot tears were running down his cheeks, staining them… making him give into his emotions that he was trying to suppress all this time.

 

It was then that he had felt two arms wrapping around his waist and a body pressing against his back. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. Instinctively, his hands came to find the others, seeking for their warmth. He had missed this touch so much. He could feel the rushed heartrate on his back. It was similar to his. Was there hope? Had he been blind all this time? Had he falsely chosen to stay away? Without realizing what he was doing, he turned around… he needed to see him… and he did… the other’s red, teary eyes, his half-agape mouth…Satoshi’s right hand came, trembling, to touch those thin lips he had missed so much. They felt dry yet still soft against his skin… still warm… still attracting him madly. Before he knew it, he was crushing their lips together. His mind turned blank the moment the other hugged him tightly, immediately tilting his head to the side to give him more space.

 

Satoshi moaned when he felt the mouth against his, open up, letting him explore it… and he did. He did like never before… It felt as if he had found an oasis after wandering around in desert for days. It felt perfect… He heard the other moan, the small hands lost in his hair, as he tried to deepen even more. It was that that made his brain break the spell he was under. What was he doing?  He had to leave… escape… The other was still with another man…

 

When he left, as if someone was chasing him down, he could feel his heart pounding crazily into his heart. It would accelerate at the sound of steps behind him… Though, every time he’d turn around there would be someone random… anyone but him. His lips curved into a bitter smile. Even after so many hours, he was still dressed… still waiting… he had to accept it. There was no knocking sound on his door, no bell ringing, no voice calling him. I was still hoping that he would come…! I was still praying he’d follow me back to my apartment…! How pathetic are you, Ohno Satoshi?! He closed his eyes tightly letting out a long sigh. He had to take a bath and try to sleep. He had to try… even if sometimes, it felt unbearable.

 

***

 

Satoshi frowned when he heard his bell ringing. He had only fallen asleep around 5 am and his head was a mess. He looked at his watch on his bedside table. It was only 9 am. He sighed, shaking his head. “Sho… you and your need to check out on me as if I’m some kind of stupid kid…” he mumbled angrily under his breath as he put on his slippers, not caring to change his night clothes. It was only his friend anyway.

 

He walked with heavy feet towards the door when he heard the bell ringing twice. He ticked his tongue against his teeth as he placed his keys in the lock.

 

“You know, Sho, sometimes it’s too annoying having you show up this early in front of my do-”

 

He couldn’t finish his sentence. His eyes had bulged. In front of him, it wasn’t Sho the one who was standing; neither was the one he secretly had kept hoping all these past few hours.

 

“I’m… really sorry to come to your apartment this early but I really need to talk to you, Ohno-san.”

 

Satoshi was left staring at the other, blinking his eyes fast, his mouth agape. How did he know his name? And how did he know where he lived?

 

“Please… It really is important.” The other insisted, seeing no reaction from the CEO.

 

After a couple of seconds, Satoshi cleared his throat and made way for the other to enter. “Please…” he whispered with difficulty. What could this visit possibly mean?

 

He saw his uninvited guest slightly bow to him before he entered inside the apartment, taking his shoes off at the entrance. The CEO was looking at the slim figure of the young boy, still finding hard to believe it. What was Nino’s brother doing there?

 

It was only a couple of moments later that he realized the other was standing awkwardly, waiting for him to tell him where to go.

 

“The living room is from here…” Satoshi said as he showed with his hand to his right.

 

The other bowed with a hint of smile once again and walked towards that direction.

 

“You may sit on the sofa. I’ll go and change my clothes. I’m sorry for appearing like this, I thought it was Sho.”

 

“Don’t worry, Ohno-san. It’s me who appeared in front of your door this early in the morning.”

 

Satoshi said nothing in reply and headed to his bedroom to change. He didn’t know what to expect from this visit. It was the last thing he had imagined to happen. He put on the first trousers he found and a shirt. As he walked back into his living room, he saw the other looking around rather nervously. Now, that he was looking at him closely, Nino’s younger brother looked nothing like him. Nino…

 

Satoshi took a deep breath before he walked closer. “Would you like a tea?” he asked trying to sound not too nervous himself.

 

“It… it would be great. Thank you, Ohno-san.”

 

Five minutes later, Satoshi was sitting on his armchair so that he could look at the other well. The young boy was blankly looking at his cup without showing any willingness to speak. Satoshi, also, didn’t make any effort to start a conversation, making the atmosphere around them thick.

 

“My brother doesn’t know that I’m here…” Jun muttered after what it seemed like an eternity. His eyes were still fixed on his cup of tea. “He thinks I’m with Masaki.” Satoshi didn’t know what to say or ask, so he remained silenced. The teenager continued, causing the CEO to gasp. “You know… he blames himself… for me… for everything… He believes he has no right to love… no right to be happy… when he’s nothing but a victim himself.”

 

Satoshi turned his gaze slowly to the younger one. “What do you want from me, Matsumoto-kun?”

 

“I want you to listen to me.”

 

“There are things you don’t know… I appreciate your-”

 

“I know more than you think, Ohno-san. I know that he works as a host. I know that he occasionally sleeps with some of his clients at the club. I also know that there is this… weird man in his life.” Satoshi’s eyes bulged. Jun looked straight into the CEO’s eyes. “The same way I know that he loves you.” Satoshi gasped. “I wouldn’t be here, if he didn’t. Of course, he has no idea that I’m aware of all this…” Jun said with a sad smile. “I think it would kill him, if he did… From the very first minute he took my custody, he’s been hiding from me, as if that part of his life would make me change my mind over him. I pretend that I know nothing because that’s what he wants. I had sworn, I’d stay away but I can’t… not when I see him suffer more and more as the days go by. I want to help him every way that I can. He’s been there for me, even if he never showed it openly, till very recently. And that happened because someone had managed to make my brother see himself as a person, probably for the first time in his life.” Satoshi lowered his gaze to his lap. All kinds of emotions were in turmoil inside him.

 

“I decided to do something in return… The smile my brother had these past few months, Ohno-san, is irreplaceable. My brother deserves happiness. He deserves to be loved… because he’s an angel… an angel with broken wings.” Jun’s voice cracked up. “If there’s someone who doesn’t know things about Kazunari, this is you, Ohno-san; not me.”

 

“But…” Satoshi didn’t know what to say…

 

“In the beginning, I just knew that something was wrong. He would never eat dinner with me. He would always leave around 8 in the evening. If he saw me, he’d say that he’d meet with friends but the shadow that was ghosting over his eyes was telling me that he was lying. The times he’d come back completely drunk, cursing out loud how dirty he was, how much he hated himself weren’t few. Two years ago, I decided to find out what was going on. I sneaked into his room and checked his things. It was there that I found his card from the host club.” Jun tried to remain calm. “I had no idea why he had to work in such a place. I mean… We are rich… We have lost a significant amount of money but we’re still rich. I was confused. But that…” Jun’s voice cracked. “That wasn’t what made me worried. I was about to leave when I heard him cry. For a moment, I thought that he had woken up and caught me but when I turned around I realized that he was still asleep. He started rolling around, as if he was trying to escape from someone. It was then that I realized his torso was covered in small cuts. I was shocked. But then… he said something that made my heart break into pieces. He was begging someone to stop.” Satoshi felt his heart clenching painfully. Was that this… Hina?!

 

“I didn’t know what to do” Jun continued “…so, I sat at the edge of the bed and took him in my arms till I felt his muscles relaxing. I remained in the room until I was sure he was calm. I couldn’t sleep that night. Who could have done this to him? Why? I had to find out. I was watching him closely and quickly figured out that there were times that he’d leave as soon as he received a mail. Those times, he’d look the worst. I knew that it had something to do with what I had heard. So, I tried to search things up. Internet didn’t offer much information except for a piece that made me realize why my brother was this unwelcomed. There were articles that were presenting him as the total bastard who took advantage of his family’s wealth and power to live a sinful life that in the end, had as a result a huge debt and then, the loss of everything in Singapore that led our father to commit suicide. One page, though, mentioned the name of the person who took our subsidiary company in his hands; Yamaguchi Kentarou.”

 

Satoshi frowned once he heard it. This name… why does it sound familiar? And why do I have this bad feeling…?!   

 

“Maybe I’m wrong but I have this feeling that this man has something to do with the state my brother is in. I tried to find out more but there was nothing. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do anything… I wished I could but I’m too young and no one was willing to tell me anything about my brother and the events that took place at Singapore. I would always check on Kazunari, though. The times he’d mutter ‘Satoshi, I love you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ weren’t few. I came to realize that he hates everything that he is… even when happiness was in front of him.”

 

Kazu…?! Satoshi was biting his lower lip, his hands both clenching into fists on his lap.

 

“My brother, Ohno-san, has made mistakes… undoubtedly… but he shouldn’t have paid for them like this because he was nothing more than a victim himself. It was others who caused them; not him. I’ve been raised by a pair of people who shouldn’t have been parents in the first place… They treated me like a trophy, a good investment for their image… and think that I was the ‘good’ son… not a filthy bastard, to use my mother’s exact words, like my older brother. She would make sure to remind me how rotten he was, how evil… yet, I never remembered him being like that. He would provoke my parents, yes… But all I could see was pain. I still remember how he looked when he entered the car that would drive him to the airport. He was a trashy good and therefore thrown away. I wasn’t allowed to run to him and hug him; neither was I allowed to tell him that I loved him and that I would miss him. He was at the verge of crying… I could see it. He was trying to keep a smirk on his face but I knew he did it because he didn’t want to break down.”

 

Satoshi felt as if his heart was pierced with a knife. They had more things in common than he thought. They were both considered as mere nuisances… stupid zeros that if they had power, they would make sure to make them disappear for good. His hand came to find his temples. He was feeling hot… from anger and desperation. Not only because of the bastards named Matsumoto but also because of himself. He had also thrown him away, hadn’t he?!

 

“When he came back after the events, he avoided staying at home. At first, I thought that it was because he hated this place… even our butler would look down on him. Those, who knew, would make everything they could to show him how unwelcomed he was… they’re similar to our parents… disgusting. Like I told you, it was only later that I found out why he was staying away so frequently. He looked even worse… empty… but then… a few months ago, for the first time that I caught him smiling… there would be times that he looked sad, guilty but there were also times that I could tell he was genuinely happy. I tried to come closer to him… and subconsciously, he let me… He wouldn’t ask me to leave immediately because he was tired or had things to do. I decided to open up a bit… Perhaps, if I did, he would do it back to me. And in a way he did. He told me you know… that he had found someone important to him; someone whom he truly loved…”

 

Satoshi was staring blankly at the mug on the table in front of him. He hadn’t touched his tea that for sure, had turned cold by that moment. The other host’s words came to his mind once again. “The only time Nino looked… happy… was when he was with you…” Only that now, these words were seen under a different perspective…

 

“I thought that now, that he had found someone, he would stop working in that club and stop seeing this… man that caused him nightmares and made him scream at nights.”

 

“Scream?” Satoshi asked before he could hold back. It was more like a question to himself rather than the young boy.

 

“Yes, Ohno-san. I could tell that it was something different from his work… That happened only when he was missing from the house for longer than ten or twelve hours… It was those times, that he’d scream in his sleep, crying… begging, obviously the man he’d been with, to stop… not to touch him anymore… and when I ran into his room, I would see them; they would always be there… marks…”

 

Satoshi’s ears were buzzing. In his mind, he kept replaying the scene he had witness a week before. The way that he was thrown to that black car. Nino didn’t like it… he was pretending to like it… he was forced to like it. He was… Raped…

 

“Unfortunately, I was proved wrong. Nothing had changed, he’d still meet with them. I thought that this man, whoever he was, had something that held my brother. I felt angry because I was useless. I had thought to go to the police but it would be in vain. I’m a minor… I was hoping for the person, my brother loved… but nothing. The happy Kazunari, I had seen during these past months, had once again disappeared. Last night, when I heard Sakurai-san calling you Satoshi, when I saw the way he was looking at you, I realized that the one my brother loves is you. I know that he does, Ohno-san… with all his heart. These past few weeks, he kept mumbling your name in his sleep, asking you to listen to him… crying in a way that makes my heart clench.”

 

Satoshi jumped up from his armchair. His heart was beating fast. “I need to talk to you, Satoshi… Please…” He had asked him to listen to him. He had sent him that text. ‘I love you, even if you don’t believe me…’ And yesterday, he had repeated the very same words… only that he had tears in his eyes, trying to cover them up with a smile. He had told him that he was grateful to him because he thought he wasn’t worth love. Satoshi grabbed his hair in despair. He was such an idiot… no… a true bastard… he had left his hurt feelings and his fears take over when the other needed him the most. It was him that had been an egoist… a fucking egoist, let to be led to conclusions just because it hurt too much and he was afraid to face the truth. 

 

“Ohno-san…” Still breathing heavily, Satoshi turned to his right to find the teenager standing a few centimeters away from him with tears in his eyes. “Please, help my brother.” He said with a trembling voice. “He loves you… and I believe… you… you love him, too. Please…”

 

---

 

Satoshi was left staring at the closed door. It had been thirty minutes since Nino’s younger brother had left his apartment. He had accused the other when he wasn’t honest himself. He shamelessly had decided to push the host away when in the past, he had told him numerous times that he knew the other loved him. He was nothing but a coward. He had chosen to run away… like he always did. He hadn’t let himself truly listen to the person he loved. Like yesterday… like all those times, Nino had tried to come closer…

 

He closed his eyes, a whimper escaping from his half-agape mouth. Nino’s pale image was now replaced by the image of him crying into his sleep. Was it that the reason why you’d always cling to me this much? To feel safe? He buried his face to his palms He was feeling like a complete loser. Selfishly, he had focused on him, without taking real notice of the other. He had followed him to the club but had remained a coward to actually go and talk to other… And he thought that he had changed… He hadn’t… he was a coward…

 

His hand came to trace his lips, once again. He had always known he still loved him… That’s why he was so desperately trying to stay away… because he couldn’t handle it being close to the other… because he knew he was weak… because he feared there was nothing left to him…. nothing but pain… “Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!” he kept yelling angrily to himself. The detective Sho had given him had told him to look further into the case but he had so immaturely decided that what he had already found out was more than enough, especially when Nino had confirmed everything. He laughed bitterly. Confirmed?! Now, he realized that he hadn’t confirmed anything… anything at all.

 

He had abandoned the other, the time he needed the most. It was obvious that the host wasn’t willing to reveal much all this time they had been together… only now, Satoshi realized that it wasn’t because he didn’t trust him but because he was afraid of causing him trouble… like most probably he did with his brother. He kept everyone away so that he could take everything… because he thought he deserved it.

 

The mug, still full of tea, was thrown with force against the wall across the room, breaking down into several pieces and staining the floor and a part of the sofa.

 

“IDIOT!” Satoshi screamed before he felt his knees weaken. He fell on the floor as sobs took him over. “He trusted you and you let him down like this… just because you were afraid of your past demons…”

 

Still having tears in his eyes, he stood up and went to have a quick shower. I have to do something… He needed to calm down and think logically. The hot water that landed on his head made his muscles relieve some of the tension. His chest was still moving up and down but his heart was beating in a much calmer rhythm than before.  In only one hour everything had turned upside down; all his doubts and fears were replaced by anger and desperation. He needed to think… and he had to do it fast. Any minute that passed by may be crucial.

 

The teenager had mention a name. That must be a key.

 

“Yamaguchi Kentarou… Why do I think I’ve come across you?!” he mumbled to himself as he tried to relate the name to something or someone… but in vain. I’m pretty sure we’ve never dealt with someone like this… Not even father would do business with someone who’d seek the worst opportunity like this out of fear for himself… he frowned more. It would only be Hide- Suddenly, a specific paper flashed into Satoshi’s mind, making him close his eyes tightly. Of course, it would be there…

 

Without thinking about it twice, he got out of the bathroom, got dressed hurriedly, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment. He had to visit his office and search through the papers he had confiscated from his brother concerning the latter’s underground business and future plans.

 

“If it is what I think it is, you’re dead, Hideshi…” he mumbled angrily under his breath, his hands both clenched into fists, as the limousine was taking him to the company. “You’ll see how I am when I don’t joke around…”

 

***

 

“It must be somewhere here…” Satoshi mumbled to himself as he searched through the papers he had taken from his brother. They were in his hands from the previous day of the gala. He had been determined to fight him and destroy everything his brother so desperately was trying to build behind his back. He had entrusted them to the lawyers, Sho had given him, so that all the necessary evidence was in the right hands.

 

It was the reason why his brother had accepted his new position in the company – that of a much lower rank without being able to utter a single word. Hideshi had come to realize that if he wouldn’t agree with Satoshi’s decision, he would end up in jail. Once his underground business would be revealed to the police, there was no way out and the chances to be supported by his beloved mama were close to zero. Hideshi knew better than anyone that what the members of the Ohno family cared about the most was their image and the CEO had made sure to take advantage of it fully.

 

Satoshi, though, would have never guessed that these files could actually prove to be helpful in any other way. He sighed, his head resting on both his hands. It had been 3 hours since he had come to his office and started reading the copies, he had kept, but still no trace of that name.

 

Damn it! I will find you!

 

He filled the second cup of coffee for the day as his eyes kept scanning the data as fast as possible. He was at the verge of quitting when he saw a familiar name appearing at the end of the 78^th page. There was no doubt; it was the name Nino’s younger brother had mentioned.

 

He took all the papers related and started reading them carefully. His heart had started beating faster and faster. Like in most cases, of this type of ‘businessmen’ there was only general information; only the name of the supposed company with some extremely generalized description of its purpose. There was no page on the internet, no address; nothing. There was no doubt that this was an off-shore company but Satoshi knew that it could be the very same one that had taken over the Matsumotos’ subsidiary company from Singapore.

 

Satoshi could also find a small resume, obviously fake, concerning this Yamaguchi Kentarou, but nothing more. The CEO tried to search on the archives of the company using but it seemed that there was nothing. He searched on the internet typing both the company name and that man’s name but the results were a complete zero. Satoshi knew that there was a big chance that Yamaguchi Kentarou may not exist at all. It could be a fake name… anything…

 

He was getting more and more frustrated until an idea popped into his head. From the time Hideshi was placed in his new position, Satoshi’s brother was obliged to stop using the archive data that was accessible only from those of a higher rank in the company. It had taken him a while to accept but after a small reminder of his other possible choice for his future, he was convinced to give his password to Satoshi.

 

Satoshi reloaded the system using Hideshi’s code and password this time. Everything seemed normal until the CEO’s eyes fell onto a small file at the end of the list characterized as ‘varia’. This must be it…

 

He opened it, causing his eyes to bulge. Here were all the contact information and details concerning his possible future coworkers. It was obvious that Hideshi had good sources and had categorized everyone. I think it’s the first time in my life, my dear brother, that I feel the need to thank you! Satoshi could feel his heart beating crazily in his chest as he looked closer at the new information. There were from frauds to men whose specialty were embezzlements and from drug dealers to yakuza members. Satoshi felt his throat getting dry as he started reading the latter group.

 

“This one is located in Singapore… the contact number is the same as that of the other list so…”

 

He couldn’t understand. Perhaps, he was too stressful to be able to think clearly at the moment. There was no doubt that he was missing something. Everything pointed that this had to do something with his former lover’s case but in the same time, nothing was similar. There were only three names written underneath, though, none of them was Yamaguchi Kentarou.

 

“Yamatsu Genji… Hinata Jin… Hitaguchi Tarou…” Satoshi kept repeating the names again and again but he could think of nothing.

 

He was hoping he could find somewhere the name of Matsuhita Hina but had no luck. Till then, he was convinced that the other was somehow related to the yakuza. After everything Nino’s brother had revealed to him, he was someone Nino couldn’t escape from easily. His eyes had never left the three names when after almost half an hour, he gasped. These names aren’t supposed to be real people… It could easily mean that they may refer to only one person… right?

 

He quickly wrote them down. Some of them did share the same kanji but otherwise they would be different. “The sound though…” he mumbled to himself feeling his pulse getting faster in his veins. That was it… the sound… He quickly wrote down the names, this time, using the Latin alphabet. It was there. Yama existed in both Yamaguchi and Yamatsu. Matsu existed in both Matsuhita and Yamatsu. Hita existed in both Hitaguchi and Matsuhita. Hina was both the supposed name of that man Nino was meeting and part of Hinata. The same was with Tarou and with Ken or Gen.

 

He’s the very same person?! That’s why there’s no real data. Everything’s fake. Satoshi felt his head like exploding. He had to think carefully… “I need to do something… I need Sho’s help… I have to find him…” he kept murmuring to himself, angry for losing precious time when he needed to have acted a lot sooner.

 

“Nino must know that the other is Yakuza… that’s why he never talked to me… that’s why he was still meeting with him… because he was trapped and he didn’t want to put anyone else in danger and me… what a stupid egoist… what a fucking stupid egoist!”

 

With trembling hands, he managed to save everything in a USB stick and closed the system down. His eyes remained staring at the now black screen of his computer. It seems that my shitty family has infected me more than I had thought at first… I remained blind… an idiot… a fucking idiot who’s ruled by his fears and insecurities… who gets into conclusions because he thinks he has enough proof without letting the other explain… just because he’s afraid of getting more hurt than he already is…

 

Tears full of frustration and anger filled his eyes blurring his eyesight. His heart was still beating crazily in his chest. He was sweating and his hands were almost trembling. He knew that he was at the verge of collapsing. In the past, he had suffered from panic attacks… It was those demons that he was chasing away with his behavior towards the host… because he felt that the chance was already lost yet there he was having caused it to himself.

 

“The one at fault is no one but me… But I must do something… I have to. There’s always time to collapse later… Now, the most important is Nino.”

 

He took a few deep breaths, got his things along with the USB stick and ran out of his office. As he got out of the building he quickly dialed the number he needed at the time. “It’s me. Can I come over? There’s something important I need to discuss with you… Fine… Thanks.”

 

He entered his limousine and gave his driver the instructions. He had to move and he had to do it fast.

 

My love, please be patient… just a little… I won’t leave you alone… Not anymore…

A tear ran down his cheek, his red eyes following the images that kept changing as the car moved around the busy roads of Tokyo. Kazu… I am sorry…

 

***

 

Satoshi hurried inside his friend’s apartment, finding the door open for him. He immediately headed to the living room where he saw Sho working behind his pc screen like usually. “I know you didn’t expect me but-”

 

“Actually, I did expect you, here, Satoshi.” The answer came unexpected. “I bet Jun-kun has already found you, hasn’t he?”

 

Satoshi sat down sighing. “You gave him my address…”

 

“I couldn’t do differently. I didn’t know that he was planning something like this but the determination I saw in his eyes made me realize that he was perhaps a better choice than me to wake you up.”

 

“But…”

 

“This… host… Matsumoto Kazunari… is someone you must not lose, Satoshi…”

 

“How can you be so certain?”

 

“I tested him; thrice.”

 

Satoshi frowned. Tested?!

 

Sho smirked as he rose from his chair and came to sit by his friend. “The first time it was when we accidentally saw him with that man down the street… I caught how he was looking at us… probably thinking that we look good together.”

 

Satoshi gasped at the realization of Sho’s words. “Wait a minute! Do you imply that…?” It was then that Nino’s words from yesterday reappeared in his mind, finally understanding what he meant when he had told him that he wanted him to be happy even if his happiness wouldn’t be with him. “Kazu… but why?”

 

Sho placed his hand on top of Satoshi’s shoulder. “You don’t understand? When you’re madly in love with someone, you can’t help but feel jealous when you see this very someone with another guy… Isn’t your case similar? Didn’t you get overly jealous when you found out about those mails?”

 

Satoshi lowered his head. He wanted to say that it was different but he couldn’t.

 

Sho sighed. “I can guarantee to you, Satoshi, that he truly loves you.” Satoshi turned his gaze to his friend just to find him smiling fondly at him. “I’m sure because he told me so…”

 

When did Sho and Nino speak together? The CEO looked at his friend with a gaze that betrayed his confusion. “Told you?! When?”

 

“Last week… When I went to find him in his club…”

 

Satoshi couldn’t believe his ears. “Why would you go to his club?! You’re not even-”

 

“Gay?! I didn’t go there to have fun or to see how good he is at his services, Satoshi. I went there because I needed to have a clear image. Till then, I only knew things from your point of view. I needed to be sure he was truly worth my help. I had to test him.”

 

“Test… him… as?” Satoshi asked frowning.

 

“As pretending the client...” Sho said calmly. “… And require from him to spend the night with me.”

 

Satoshi’s eyes bulged. “Why did you do that?!” he was angry…angry and sad. It was this specific part of Nino that he wished to keep it as secret as possible. Of course, Sho knew everything… but from knowing it to actually provoking it in reality was different. He, now, knew exactly how Nino felt about it… His intuition had been right before but after this morning, he realized he never allowed himself to truly see how much pain those beautiful hazel eyes of his lover were hiding. Why would Sho cause him more pain?!

 

“Satoshi, I didn’t want to bring him in a difficult situation but I needed to. He had seen us together and I could tell from his gaze that he didn’t like it. I had to see if and on what degree, despite his problems, valued his feelings for you.” Sho sighed when he saw that Satoshi wouldn’t meet his gaze but instead, kept it locked on his lap. “He would freeze at any attempt of me, trying to touch him and every time, he tried to put on his host mask and made an effort to be closer to me he’d get stiffened.” Satoshi’s hands clenched into fists. He wasn’t sure, if he truly wanted to listen to this.

 

“Sho… please…” he whispered with a trembling voice.

 

“Satoshi, listen to me!”

 

The CEO closed his eyes firmly and sighed. “Sho, you could have found a different way, if you needed to!”

 

“You know very well that in any other circumstances, he would avoid me… There he couldn’t escape… and there was always the chance of the temptation of money. Yes. I asked him to pass the night with me…” Satoshi looked at his friend sadly. “He denied, Satoshi. He told me that no matter how much money I was willing to offer to him, he would still say no. It was that very moment that I realized he was the right man for you. He cared for you and that made me happy. I could see it in his eyes that he would never betray you like this. Because in this case, he had the chance while with that asshole, he didn’t. Do you understand why I did this, now, Satoshi?”

 

Satoshi sighed. He did… deep inside, he did but it was still difficult for him to picture the whole thing. On one side, there was Nino. If he had seen them together and believed that there was something going on between him and Sho, then it must have been very difficult. On the other hand, there was Sho. For some reason, he felt sad. His friend had met the man he loved in his most vulnerable position.

 

“Do you want to know what else he told me, Satoshi?” Sho said, smiling when he saw Satoshi’s teary eyes looking back at him, reflecting both curiosity and fear. “He told me that love is something that finds you and that he feels lucky he was chosen to experience it…”

 

 

“My Kazu…” Satoshi whispered, feeling the first hot tears staining his cheeks. “Why did I have to make you suffer so much?!”

 

Sho sighed as he hugged his friend. “You have both made each other and yourselves in the same time, suffer. I don’t blame you… The way that we’re acting and the reasons behind it isn’t one-dimensional, neither simplified…”

 

“But…”

 

“He asked me to make you happy, Satoshi.”

 

At this, the CEO gasped. He had said it to him, last night, hadn’t he? “Be happy…” Little by little all pieces were getting into their right place. He was finally getting the bigger picture, making his heart sink deeper and deeper into pain and millions of unanswered whys…

 

“He proved to me that he was deeply in love with you… that he cared for you from the bottom of his heart… that he loved you unconditionally.” Sho continued, now, holding Satoshi from both his shoulders. “He’s willing to let go so that you can be happy… because for him you deserve it… That is something only someone who loves… who truly loves someone else would do.”

 

“Sho… I…” Satoshi whispered with a cracking voice. His heart was pounding crazily into his chest.

 

“Yesterday, when I saw Jun with Masaki I could tell that he was a good young man. When he came to find me in order to ask for your address, I was once again proven right that Nino is the one for you; the one that deserves happiness by your side. If his brother was so good and cared for his brother this much that could only mean that his brother was worth it. Love is something you earn and Nino has earned it.”

 

“But I… I betrayed him, Sho… I-” Satoshi mumbled before giving up and let himself dive into all those feelings of guilt that were suffocating him.

 

Sho sighed as he hugged his friend tighter, rubbing his back softly. “You didn’t betray him, Satoshi… You just couldn’t handle it… I know you were suffering… I know that you wouldn’t sleep at nights, no matter how much you constantly tried to brush it off as overworking stress. I know you, too well, my friend, not to be able to read between the lines. I know that you were afraid… and why you were afraid…”

 

“But he doesn’t, Sho…”

 

“You’ve both made mistakes… He gave up and you escaped… both from your fears…”

 

“He told me that he loved me… He asked me to listen to him… It was me that sent him away and made him give up!”

 

“You know that it’s not the truth. Satoshi, it’s only human to prefer to stay away than collapsing again…”

 

“But…”

 

“He had kept everything a secret because he wanted to protect you…”

 

“While the stupid me acted stubbornly!”

 

Sho sighed. “Stop saying stupid things, Satoshi. You’re only human. You’ve felt betrayed in the past… You had to deal with your father… You were suffering from those terrible panic attacks… You didn’t act stubbornly. You both should have been completely honest with each other but you were afraid to… and in a way I understand why… I really do.”

 

“Sho…” Satoshi was still crying heavily when he was made to look at his friend.

 

“Listen to me. What happened, happened. It cannot be undone, now. What’s important is how things will be from now on. Isn’t this the reason why you’re here?”

 

Satoshi only nodded. Sho always understood him better than anyone. He didn’t even needed to utter a single word.

 

“Calm down… and then, we’ll talk… I have some interesting things to tell you…”

 

Satoshi nodded softly again and accepted the hot tea offered to him. He sipped it slowly, his gaze following the slow movement of the leaves of the tree that visible from Sho’s window in the living room. Slowly, his heartrate came back to normal. He could breathe easily once again. Sho was right. He had to make sure to act the way he should from now on. He had to stay focused and not lose another minute.

 

Twenty minutes later Sho spoke again.

 

“Are you ok, now? Do you want to tell me what you came here for?”

 

Satoshi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I found something in Hideshi’s account… This… Hina… must be a yakuza member. I believe that he uses several names and-”

 

“I’d have never guessed you could find so much!”

 

“You mean… you know?”

 

“I do. I’ve had two of my men look into him. Indeed, he’s yakuza. When Nino met him in Singapore, he was the number two.”

 

“Now?”

 

“He’s the boss. Only that Nino has no idea.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Matsuhita Hina or Matsuda Kenta, as his true name is, took over a little after he did the job with Matsumoto Corporation in Singapore.”

 

“So, Kazu…”

 

“He has no idea. As a matter of fact, the former boss only cared to bring Nino’s father down, for personal reasons. It seems that Nino’s father was someone who liked to earn as much as possible without taking into consideration the nature of this wealth. It was a year before Nino was sent to Singapore that Matsumoto managed a deal that was interfering with the yakuza interests. One year later, they took advantage of Nino and used him in order to succeed into destroy the man that had dared to intervene into their business and they did it. Matsumoto committed suicide. The boss was satisfied.

 

“Wait a minute… you mean… that there is… no debt?”

 

“There is but to the banks; not to the yakuza. Matsumoto Corporation lost a great number of investors causing to lose its power in the business market. It’s the reason why the Matsumoto family has disinherited Nino. Matsuhita lies.”

 

“Why…?”

 

“I guess that he became obsessed with Nino and created the story of the debt that Nino has to pay off in order to keep him with him.”

 

“And force him…”

 

“Yes…” Sho said in a low voice. He knew that this was difficult for his friend to grasp.

 

“My love is being used… suffers this much… just because that bastard feels like it?” Satoshi jumped up from the sofa. “I WILL KILL HIM!”

 

Sho stood up and tried to calm his friend down. “Even if you did succeed to kill him, you’d be dead the next second…”

 

“But I can’t just-”

 

“Give me all the information you’ve gathered. My men are already in the right track. I promise you, he’ll pay! We have to be clever, though. Please, Satoshi, promise me you won’t act without thinking twice.”

 

“Sho…!”

 

“I know but please, follow me.”

 

Without waiting for the CEO, Sho walked towards his office. He opened the first drawer and gave Satoshi a black dossier. Another one?!

 

“It’s not like that, trust me!” he heard his friend telling him, as if he could read his mind.

 

He opened it and realized it was the transfers most probably Nino made to that bastard.

 

“Are these…?”

 

“Yes.” Sho replied with a triumphant smirk. “You understand what this means, right?”

 

“But… how…?”

 

“Let’s say I had a conversation with someone last night.”

 

“Sho…?”

 

“Hand me the information and leave! It’s already getting late!”

 

Satoshi looked at his friend with teary eyes. Without saying another word he searched for the USB and gave it to the other.

 

“Sho…, do you promise me Nino will be ok?”

 

“I do. Now, you better hurry up and go to find him!”

 

Satoshi hugged his friend. “You’re the best friend I could ever wish for, Sho!”

 

“Stop being emotional, now. Someone’s waiting!” Sho said as he pushed the CEO out of his apartment.

 

“You’ll call me once you have news?”

 

“Of course, I will!”

 

“Thank you.” Satoshi said with a hint of smile.

 

He looked at his watch. It was already 6 o’clock. He needed to eat something, get a quick shower and then go to see him.

 

Wait for me, Kazu…

 

***

 

Satoshi felt his heart pounding into his chest as his eyes remained locked on the door of the club he had opened so many months ago without knowing how much his life would change. He could still remember how out of place he had felt when he had entered for the first time and how strangely calm and warm he did when he left the place. He could still remember how nervous he was when he had decided to come back alone… how happy when the other had kissed him or how lustful when he had taken Nino back to his apartment for the first time.

 

A bitter smile appeared on his face. There were many times, after he found out about that bastard, that he had cursed but deep inside, he also was grateful. Despite, the sorrow, there were those precious moments he still treasured… those moments he wanted to save and keep them forever in his life.

 

He looked at his watch. It was about time the other would come out. He waited in the dark, wanting to be able to find the courage and go and talk to him. When he had left Sho’s apartment and after everything he had found out that day, he was able to think… a lot… and he was determined… But now that he was standing there, knowing that from minute to minute he would see him, he suddenly felt afraid. What if the other didn’t want to talk to him? What if the other rejected him?

 

He was still lost in his thoughts when the door opened. This time it was him. It was Nino. Satoshi felt his ears buzzing, his heart beating crazier than ever, his hands sweating. He took a deep breath and was about to walk towards the host when he saw the latter freeze.

 

“Ba… baby? What are you doing here? I thought that-” Nino’s voice was trembling.

 

“I came to see my puppy… Aren’t you happy to see me?”

 

Satoshi knew that voice. It was the exact same disgusting voice, he had heard the previous week… the same voice that had caused him to feel sick.

 

“I…”

 

He could see the state Nino was in and couldn’t accept it. Without consciously recognizing what he was doing he found himself standing right behind the younger host. His eyes were locked on the older man’s ones. He could see the madness inside… and he couldn’t believe that Nino was obliged to obey to this jerk’s sick desires.

 

“You… What?” This time the question was addressed to him.

 

He smirked. “I want you to leave.” Strangely, his voice sounded calm and firm, his eyes never leaving the disgusting one of Matsuhita Hina.

 

He could feel that Nino had frozen in front of him but now, his attention was only on the other one; the one he wanted to punch till he wasn’t breathing.

 

The yakuza leader burst into loud laughs. “Shorty, please, do me a favor and get lost.”

 

“I thought I was clear. I. Want. You. To. Leave. Do you want me to spell it for you?”

 

Matsuhita pushed Nino aside and walked towards Satoshi who didn’t move an inch from his spot.

 

“And who are you to tell me what to do?! Huh?!” Matsuhita’s voice had turned lower, sounding… threating.

 

“Ohno Satoshi.” the CEO replied in the same calm tone. “I’m sure you’ve heard of me…”

 

The yakuza leader burst into mocking laughs as soon as he realized who this small- figured man in front of him was. “Ohhh! You’re the famous CEO that kept my puppy away! He has told me that you were boring but I would have never guessed that you’d come in the miniature size!” Satoshi found his face being only a few centimeters away from Matsuhita’s face, since the latter had just taken a hold of his dress shirt collar, his eyes turning cold. “I get that he’s addictive but your time with him is done. Got it? Now, better be a good boy and leave before you make me angry. Am I understood, dwarf?” the yakuza leader hissed before he turned to Nino who muttered an almost inaudible ‘please’. No one could tell if it was meant for Matsuhita or Satoshi. “Puppy… I believe there’s no need for instructions…”

 

Nino, though, was left staring at Satoshi who, in the meantime, was pushed on the pavement. Matsuhita lost his patience. He grabbed Nino by his arm with such force that made the host leave a small hiss from the pain.

 

It was what triggered Satoshi to stop thinking clearly. That’s it! The CEO quickly stood up from the ground and grabbed Nino’s free hand, freeing him from the older man. The moment the other turned around, Satoshi’s fist landed straight on his face, making him gasp in surprise.

 

“I don’t know who you are and I don’t care who you are. I may be a dwarf as you say but I do not allow MY MAN be called PUPPY and be pulled like this! UNDERSTOOD?”

 

Without waiting for an answer, he turned to still-under-shock Nino and grabbed his hand, leading him to his limousine that was waiting for them a few meters away. He threw the younger host inside and entered behind him.

 

“To Tokyo Luxury Estate Hotel. Fast!”

 

During the twenty-five minute drive, there were no words exchanged between the two men. Satoshi didn’t try to make the other speak, neither did he speak, as well. With the corner of his eye, he could see how the other was staring at his lap, his whole body in a state between shock and tremble. He needed to put his mind into an order first. He hadn’t planned to do anything like that… he didn’t mean to put the one he loved and cared for in trouble… yet he had… but he couldn’t control it; not now, after knowing everything.

 

The car left them in the main entrance of the luxurious hotel in the heart of Ginza. Satoshi took Nino’s hand into his and got out of the car, once he was sure there was no one around. He asked for a private suite and five minutes later they found themselves on the top floor of the hotel, from where they could see the whole Tokyo. Satoshi saw the younger man walking with heavy steps further into the suite, keeping his back to him. The room had a dim light coming from the two small lamps located in the small entrance hall and the one in the corner of the main room.

 

“Why did you do this?” the question was asked in a whisper. “Why were you at the club? Why-”

 

The host didn’t have the chance to finish his words, as two arms wrapped around his waist causing him to turn around.

 

“Because I wanted to ask for your forgiveness… to tell you that there’s only one that can make me happy… to tell you that I love you!”

 

Satoshi saw the other gulping, making gulp, as well. He wanted to talk… but they were close… too close… he could feel Nino’s hot breath landing in short puffs right onto his face. He couldn’t handle it anymore… he had missed him… a lot and he could see into the younger man’s eyes that he had missed him, too.

 

Before anyone had the chance to utter a single thing, two lips were met into a feverish, wet, demanding kiss. It was the most intense Satoshi had ever experienced, probably because now he knew… everything… His hands were keeping Nino’s head as he explored the warm and so willing mouth. Their tongues were sensually moving against one another, hungrily. Their moans were echoing in Satoshi’s ears making him even more insatiable if that was possible. He could feel the other copying his moves in the same eagerness… as if he couldn’t have enough… those small hands keeping him close.

 

It was only when both felt out of breath that the kiss was broken… but then there were Nino’s eyes… dark and lustful.

 

“Please…, please, make love to me…” the words were spoken in between the host’s heavy pants.

 

Satoshi smiled, his fingers tracing a small path from the corner of Nino’s lips to the base of his neck. He took a hold of the other’s jacket and let it slip down his shoulders till it was thrown on the floor. Their eyes never left each other’s face. It was when Nino closed his eyes, throwing his head back with his mouth agape that made Satoshi lose it completely. In one fast move he grabbed the younger man by his hips and pinned him on the window that was right behind them, his body pressing firmly on Nino’s one.  

 

“Let me…”

 

 

 TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

 

A.N. Sooo minna here’s chapter 9!!! ^^ It turned into a monster (11.000 words!) once again but I needed to explain many things. First of all, why Satoshi behaved like this and avoided to search more into Nino’s case. More analysis in the next chapter, I promise, but I believe you got the first clues. We also found out more about poor Nino… thanks to Jun! Jun, here, played an important role because, like some of you already said, was aware of many things concerning his older brother. I think he was the one who could make Satoshi realize his mistake. Sho, from his side, helped, too.

As far as Hina is concerned, he’s a true bastard but got what he deserved from Satoshi. Sho told his friend to be careful but he couldn’t restrain himself from punching the other when he saw the way he treated Nino in front of his eyes once again. Now, what will that bring… we’ll see!
I know there’s a hint at the end but it’s different from the previous ones!! ;) I promise you a long NC in the next one!

I hope you enjoyed it and as always your comments are <333!!!

See you soon,
Andy <3