Sho let out a moan when he heard his phone ringing. His body felt numb as he made attempt to reach his bedside table which, for some weird reason, seemed to be out of reach. With a frown, he opened his eyes trying to see his surroundings. It took him a couple of seconds to realize that he wasn’t in his bedroom. He was still dressed with the clothes he had worn yesterday evening, when he went to buy hamburgers. He was still in the guest room with Nino’s letter in his left hand. For a moment he had forgotten it, or more correctly wished it had only been a bad dream, but unfortunately, it was true; the empty room was pure evidence. Nino was gone… for real…

He bit his lower lip to muffle the sob that threatened to escape from the back of his throat. It was just the previous day that Jun had warned him not to get too attached… How ironic… It was as if Jun’s visit had been nothing more than a bad premonition of what was about to happen. Sho tried to control his emotions that suddenly seemed to overflow, but couldn’t. It felt as if they betrayed him. His lips started trembling as he gave in the sadness that had been surrounding him from every possible direction, not leaving him enough room to breathe, his heart clenching painfully in his chest. The tears seemed hotter than those of last night… probably because, now, he could admit that the other was gone without the shock he had first experienced… and that somehow was hurting him more.

He covered his face with his palms as his body jerked due to the heavy sobs. He allowed himself to cry… He couldn’t pretend anymore. He knew it was late… too late for Jun’s warning. He had been too attached. The guest room had become his room, as if he had claimed ownership just like he had done with Sho’s heart.

Stupid… Sho thought his hands fisting his hair. He didn’t claim anything… he didn’t do anything… It’s you… it’s you who gave them to him… You allowed him to take them even if he never got to know it… Selfishly…

He let himself cry until there were no more tears left to fall. Still with unstable breathing, he fell on his back on the bed, and stared at the ceiling blankly. “I’m sorry, Jun,” he whispered, “I had already fallen deeper than I could have ever dared to imagine…” His voice was trembling.

He didn’t know how much time, he had spent in the same position but he was sure he heard his cellphone ringing somewhere… again. He stood up and walked to the entrance hall. He found it in the pocket of his jacket. He looked at the screen gasping. It was as if his mind started working right at that point. It was Monday and already ten after nine. He was supposed to be in his office by this hour, yet he was still at home at this state.

For a short moment, he felt lightheaded, his eyesight turning darker, his hand, immediately reaching the wall for balance. He took a couple of deep breaths and shook his head lightly to gain his strength back. Once feeling better, he headed to the living room and sat on the sofa. He couldn’t possibly go to work in such a condition… there’s no way he could concentrate and be productive. The previous days, he had tried to fool himself in vain; Jun’s words had proven to him that. He could no longer play the dumb and pretend it was ok when it wasn’t… at least, not for that day. For the first time in his life, he phoned his secretary and informed her that he would be absent due to unexpected personal reasons. He was sure it wouldn’t raise more questions to Yamamura since he had spoken to him of his ‘relative’.

Once done with the call, he entered the kitchen where he found the bag with the hamburgers from last night. Without thinking about it twice, he took it and threw it as it was to the dustbin. He then started cleaning the plate he had eaten dinner the previous night and was still in the sink. There were more things to be done. He put his sheets as well as the sheets from the guest room bed to the washing machine. After that, he took the duster for the living room, followed by the vacuum cleaner. It wasn’t like him to do household chores, but at this moment, it was needed. He had to do them. Once done, he looked around and nodded to himself satisfied with the result.

After a quick shower, and dressed in more casual clothes, he put coffee in the coffee machine and pressed the button. He needed a strong dose of caffeine. While waiting, his eyes fell on the fridge. He opened it and found it full. He had made sure it was full so that he could prepare dinner… No point to keep it that way anymore. Immediately, he threw everything away. He did it mechanically; the same he took a mug from the cupboard, and placed it on the table, once he heard the sound of the coffee machine. His coffee was finally ready.

Now, everything was clean… the smell, those small proofs of Nino’s presence in his apartment had been erased… Everything was like before. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath. Now, all that was left was his memories. They would disappear… at some point.

It was late in the evening when his phone rang again. Sho didn’t need to see who the caller was. It had been almost every hour that Jun would call him. He didn’t reply, the same way he hadn’t replied any of the calls. After a whole minute of ringing, his phone hushed. Sho was thankful that Jun limited himself to calls and didn’t appear in the front of his door uninvited. As precious as his friend may be, he needed to be alone at this very moment.

He went to the kitchen and took one of the instant ramen cups he kept in the cupboard next to the fridge. The water soon had boiled and his dinner was ready. Was it always so tasteless? he thought as he swallowed the ramen for the first time after a while. He felt tears coming to the surface of his eyes. He blinked them fast. He didn’t want to cry. He had to face reality. It had been a while since he had tasted ramen… he would get used to it…

“I’ll get used to it…” he mumbled, as he shoved more noodles in his mouth.

He knew that behind that ‘it’ wasn’t the ramen hidden but his loneliness. Once again, he’d come back to an empty apartment… once again, he would be on his own…

Before he lied down to his bed, he set the alarm half an hour earlier than usual. He couldn’t miss another day at work. It was difficult but he had to try.

***

“Sho, are you alright? You didn’t come to work yesterday, you didn’t reply any of my call… Is… everything ok?”

It was Jun. Sho didn’t stop walking, neither did he answer. He kept his gaze fixed on the elevator doors as he approached them.

“Sho…, what’s going on?” his friend insisted again, his voice revealing his worry.

Sho lowered his head, as his steps grew heavier.

“You make me worry.” Jun spoke again. “Did... something happen?”

Sho turned his gaze to his friend, staring at him with no words for several seconds. Should he tell him? But then again what would change? He let out a sad chuckle. Nothing. He took a deep breath before he decided to speak. “He’s gone.” The words came out almost in a whisper, as if he didn’t want to listen to them.

He turned his gaze back to the elevator doors whose ringing sound indicated the elevator was at their floor. He entered inside, followed by his friend, who seemed to have fallen into heavy thinking.

“Is it… my fault?” regret being reflected on his tone. “Did he leave because I showed up at your apartment on Sunday morning?”

Sho turned to his side and saw Jun having his head lowered. He sighed. “I can’t possibly know that, Jun,” he said in all honesty. He knew Jun had acted out of worry and protection and couldn’t accuse him of anything. “Maybe it’s irrelevant… Maybe he would disappear out of the blue, just like he appeared in my life…”

“Sho…, You-”

Sho shook his head a bitter chuckle escaping from his lips. “I know… I know that I have no excuse to have believed in something that was only in my head.”

“It’s not what I wanted to tell y-” Jun tried to speak once again, just to be cut off by Sho.

“It’s just that… I don’t know… I felt that somehow, we had come closer, you know? That we had a certain way to understand each other, our very personal communication path, if you want… Well, I guess I was wrong.”

“But-”

“And you had warned me…” Sho continued, his gaze still locked on the metallic doors in front of him. “You had told me to be careful, not to get too attached… I tried my best… I swear it, but no matter how much I did, I couldn’t. It hurts, more than I ever thought it would, and the apartment looks so… empty…”

“Sho…”

“But it’s ok.” Jun wasn’t given the opportunity to speak what he had in mind, as if Sho didn’t want to have his thoughts interrupted. “I’ll find back my old routine… it was only a mere week and a few days! How difficult can it be, right? I made the first steps yesterday…”

“Sho…” Jun tried to speak again but Sho was already walking out of the elevator since they had reached his floor. He hurried to catch up with him. “Tonight, you’re coming with me.”

Sho frowned. “What?”

“Tonight, you’re coming with me. End of discussion.” Jun repeated as he threw a quick wink at him before he walked back to the elevator.

Sho sighed as he entered in his office. He knew he was causing problems to his friend… once again. He was sure Jun would prefer to spend the evening with his boyfriend but the thought of not being alone, somehow, was quite attractive at the moment. He wanted to be a little selfish and spend more time with his friend… No, he couldn’t bear being in the empty apartment. 

***

“Here you are, Sho-kun!”

Sho saw the plate that was placed in front of him. He could tell it smelled deliciously but he had no appetite. “I appreciate that you prepared my favorite, Masaki-kun, but I don’t feel like eating pasta right now.”

“You know what they say, Sho-kun, the appetite comes as you eat!”

“What kind of saying is that?” Jun teased his boyfriend. “Masaki’s invention?”

“I don’t claim its ownership.” Masaki replied in the same teasing tone and a small pout. Sho smiled. Jun and Masaki were really cute together. Someone could feel from such small moments how much they loved each other. “I think it’s from Italy? Greece?” the taller man continued. “Somewhere in south Europe… but it’s true! And you, Sho-kun,” he said turning his gaze back to Sho, “eat… or I’ll feel that you aren’t fond of my cooking skills.” Masaki insisted, as he looked at Sho with his famous puppy eyes, gaining a small smile from Sho’s part. “Please…?”

Sho took the first bite which was enough for him to feel the need to continue on eating. He hadn’t eaten much these days and now, that he was actually tasting food, he could tell how much his body had craved for it.

“It’s delicious, Masaki-kun!” he said honestly.

“Really? I’m glad! Let’s eat!”

Twenty minutes later, Sho was sitting on Jun’s sofa with a glass of freshly made herb fusion beverage. Jun’s favorite. He looked at it without uttering a single word. He knew it was time for him to speak… but what could he say? Were the others expecting him to speak? Sho was frowning, his eyes locked on Masaki.

“You’re not under interrogation, Sho.” Jun said as he came to sit. “You know you can say nothing. Just enjoy the drink… it’s the best to help you relax.”

“Thanks, Jun.”

Masaki went to sit by Sho’s side. “Did you really think that I’d start asking you how and why?”

Sho gulped. “Well… not intentionally but…”

“I can tell that you don’t feel like talking right now. Take it as one of the pros of my profession. You’re here as Jun’s friend… as my friend… Take all your time. If you feel that you want to speak only to Jun, you can tell me. I don’t mi-”

“It’s not that! Really, Masaki-kun.” Sho hurried to reassure the other. “I’d never think that… It’s just that I’m a bit confused…”

“Can I tell you something as your friend, Sho-kun?” Sho didn’t reply but looked up at Masaki. “You felt there was a connection between the two of you, didn’t you?”

Sho bit his lower lip, frowning for a couple of seconds before he nodded hesitantly. He had, as stupid as it may sound.

“Then, I’m sure you’ll meet with him again. Jun calls me idealist but I believe in fate. For all I know, he chose to stay. He could leave, I’m sure you perfectly know it as well, but he chose you. He was in an unknown environment… in some stranger’s apartment… If you think about it, he had all the rights to get up and leave as soon as he managed to figure out what was happening. Yet, he didn’t. You came closer… Why? We can’t be sure, now, but everything happens for a reason… I don’t know if you want to call it fate, karma or luck, but I know that’s the case for you and this Nino guy.”

“Baby, don’t forget that Sho has no clue… a name… nothing. How would he be able to-”

“Actually, I do…” Sho whispered cutting Jun off. He pressed the cup to his lips, not daring to meet neither of his friend’s eyes that were locked on him.

“What?” Jun asked with narrowed eyes.

“I… one day before he left… I caught him talking on the phone… He was talking to someone named Ohno…”

“Didn’t he delete it?” Jun asked with a raised eyebrow. “It doesn’t make sense to me since he looked like someone who was desperately trying to hide everything about himself.”

Sho cleared his throat still not daring to meet Jun’s eyes. “I… actually, I… took a photo of it before he noticed me…” There. He had said it and, now, was ready to hear Jun’s lecture.

“And you haven’t called?!”

Sho frowned. Had he heard correctly? He looked up at Jun who was staring at him with even more narrowed eyes than before. Had just Jun…? He frowned more. “Wh… what?”

“He has left with no goodbye. You missed a day at work for the first time in your life. You’ve been going crazy all this time… you haven’t slept, you haven’t eaten properly and I’m sure you still wouldn’t have even tonight, if it wasn’t for us pushing you, you have a damn number that could help you find him, learn something at the very least, and you still have done nothing?! Are you kidding me, Sakurai?!”

Sho was left astonished. It wasn’t usual for Jun to have such an outburst and somehow, he had caused two in only two days. He had made his friend call him Sakurai again… But that was not all… Jun hadn’t lectured him for the reason he expected…

“What the hell are you thinking?” Jun continued on the same tone, now, standing up on his feet with his hands on his hips. “You’ve not been yourself, you’re clearly in love with this guy and even if I have my doubts and my concerns about him and his identity, I know that you have to damn try everything you have and pursue your happiness. We can finally find out what the hell is going on with your guy and all you’ve been doing is sulking like a teenager!”

Sho felt like shrinking at his sitting spot. It felt exactly like back then… with no exaggeration; just like when he was a teenager, and didn’t believe in himself. Still lost in his thoughts, he saw with the corner of his eye, Jun’s hand reaching for his phone that was left on the table a few centimeters away from him. Is he trying to…? Sho tried to take his phone back but it was already late. A click sound was heard before Jun gave it back to him.

“If you haven’t called by tomorrow, I swear I’ll call myself! Got me, Sakurai?”

“Baby…, please, take it easy on Sho-kun. I know you’ve been feeling guilty and that you want the best for him, but, believe me, the last thing that he wants right now, is to deal with you while you’re acting like this! I know it’s in your nature but try to control yourself.”

Jun was about to speak again but hushed sighing deeply. “You’re right, Masa… I…” He fell on the sofa, next to Sho, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. “I’m sorry, Sho… I didn’t mean to yell… but, please, promise me to try…”

“Jun…” Sho tried to speak but hushed when Jun’s hand cupped his, squeezing it.

“You owe it to yourself.” His friend’s words made his heart pound faster in his chest. He knew the other was right… but in all honesty, he was scared.

“I’m sure, Sho-kun, will do it. He’s a strong man,” was Masaki’s remark. “Don’t be afraid of him!” His wide smile made Sho smile shyly.

He looked at the couple in front of him. He knew Jun for almost all his life, and Masaki had pretty much immediately gained an almost similar place in Sho’s heart. He felt lucky to have them in his life… like at this very moment. Each one of them, from a different perspective, were having the same goal. Both his friends were trying to awaken him, to shake him, to help him face the truth.

The previous day he had tried to erase everything that may remind him of Nino’s presence from his apartment and life… But… wasn’t it because he was afraid of taking risks? Afraid of getting more hurt than he already was?  Masaki had said that he was a strong man. He didn’t believe it but he realized that he had to overcome his fears and doubts. Jun was right. He owed it to himself. Even if he achieved nothing, at least, he wouldn’t have that if haunting him forever; that persistent question of what would have happened, if he had tried to track Nino down.

“I promise you… I’ll try…”

***

It was a little after half-past nine when Sho decided to dial the number on his phone. He could feel his hands sweating, his heart pounding so fast against his ribs that it was almost painful. He took a deep breath and pressed the call button.

He heard several beeps… no answer. He kept it for about a minute but still nothing. Disappointed, he was about to end the call when he heard a voice at the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

Sho felt his throat getting dry at the sound of a male voice. He was too shocked to talk.

“Hello? Who is this?” the other said once again, a bit louder this time.

“Uhm… Are you by any chance… Ohno-san?” Sho managed to ask with a broken and trembling voice.

“Yes, that’s me. Who is it?”

“I… uhm… I call you about… Nino…?”

Complete silence.

“Who are you and what do you want?”

Sho could tell the other sounded suspicious? Worried? Maybe a mix of both. “Ni… no was staying with me these past few days. He had hurt his foot…” Sho didn’t know how much to reveal and if he had to reveal anything at all. “I called… because he left two days ago without any warning. I… just want to know, if he’s ok…”

“I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you back later. Ok?”

Sho sighed, knowing he had no other choice. “Of course, and excuse me for the disturbance.”

“Thank you, Mister?”

“Sakurai.”

“Thank you, Sakurai-san.”

Sho was sure this Ohno wouldn’t call. His heart was still thumping. He had tried.

***

Nino cursed when he heard loud bangs on his door. The last thing he wanted was to face his landlord. Landlord… Was that a term to describe the owner of a small room, ready to fall apart? Probably not, but that was of little importance.

“What is it this time, Tokita-san?” he asked furious as he opened the door just to freeze. In front of him, it wasn’t Tokita-san but a familiar small-figured man. What was he doing there?

“So, you finally decided to come back?”

“What the hell are you doing, here, Ohno?”

Ohno got inside without waiting for Nino to allow him. “It’s worse than I remembered…” the man commented as he looked the mess in front of him. In the middle of the room, there was a futon with torn edges between clothes, magazines and empty cans of beer.

Nino sighed as he closed the door with a loud bang. “I didn’t expect visitors,” he mumbled awkwardly as he went to pick up the beer cans and throw them in a supermarket bag he had at the back of the only chair in the room and used as dustbin.

“Yes, I can see that. You were having a private party!” irony was flowing in Ohno’s comment.

Nino went to stand right in front of the other, grabbing his shirt. “Why are you here? How did you know that you would find me here?”

“I’ve been coming here, every single day,” the other replied calmly.

 “So, what? You’re telling me that I was here but was hiding?”

“No.”

“Then?”

“Where were you?”

It was the last question that made Nino step back, releasing his grip. He turned his back to the other. “A… guy found me…”

“You were hit. I knew it!”

“I’m used to it.” Nino lowered his head.

Ohno chose to comment nothing on Nino’s last phrase. “And so… what? You stayed with that guy? Just like that?”

“He got me a doctor and… my foot was hurting like hell.”

“Who are you trying to fool, Nino? Since when that could be a hindrance to you? You always flee away.”

“I didn’t want to be indebted to him.”

“You want me to believe you? Who was he? What happened?”

“Nothing.” Nino replied angry. “Nothing happened! He is just one of those rich guys who have everything, yet nothing?! He was lonely so I thought why not to take advantage of his hospitality?! It was him that insisted anyway. I had a nice bed, hot bath every day, large TV…!”

“So, he didn’t ask anything in return?”

“I said no.” Nino said sounding angrier as he Nino sat on his futon, and hugged his legs that had brought close to his torso, not meeting Ohno’s questioning gaze. “Nothing a ‘sugar daddy’ would. I told you that on the phone only because you annoyed me! Besides, he wasn’t some middle-aged perverted man. He only wanted to make sure the money he spent on the doctor didn’t go in vain.”

“If that’s the case, then, why did you leave?”

“Because I couldn’t stay anymore...” Nino whispered, the words leaving his mouth before he controlled them. He gasped. “Be… because… I’m fine.”

“You’re limping.” Ohno remarked, as if he had heard nothing else.

“I said I’m fine!” Nino looked at Ohno with tears in his eyes. Why would he insist talking about Sakurai Sho?

“Alright.” Ohno whispered rising his hands up in the air in defeat. He reached the door and opened it. “I’ll be expecting you, tomorrow.”

“Why do you insist on keeping me?”

“Because that’s what a big brother is supposed to do.” Ohno replied while keeping his back on Nino.

“You’re not my brother, Ohno.”

“Let me have my opinion on the matter. Ok? Good night.” And with that the door closed.

Nino curled up in the futon, not caring to eat anything. As he closed his eyes, the only thing he could remember was how he had felt two nights ago, when Sakurai Sho had kept him in his arms. Suddenly, he felt colder, as if the memory of that sensation had made his room turn even less bearable. He felt the need to cry… He usually tried to show no emotion, but this time, it was difficult. Loneliness had never felt more disturbing. He stubbornly tried not to let tears run down on his face. He started taking deep breaths to reason himself. He looked up to get a glimpse of the night sky, at least, the best he could from his tiny cracked window.

“Idiot… How could you think that you may find a place there… with him…?” Nino whispered to himself. “When you brought him nothing but trouble… He’s from another world…  a world where he can be with someone like that man… cultured… refined…”

Nino closed his eyes tightly.

Matsumoto Jun…           

TO BE CONTINUED…

A.N. Sooo minna here’s chapter 6! ^_^ I know it’s sad but I promise you action will finally start! ;) 
Sho tried to get rid of everything that may remind him of Nino’s presence in his apartment, but he can’t really escape from thinking about him… :( Luckily, Junba managed to talk to him and make him realize he had to try! :)
We also got a hint for Masaki’s profession that will play a role key later! You’ll soon find out what I mean! ;)
Also, for the first time we have some part from Nino’s POV!! :D I know I haven’t revealed much. I will explore it more in the upcoming chapter – promise! ;D- but for now, I wanted to only give some hints on Nino’s feelings and reasons why he left Sho! Apart from that, we have some small pieces of information concerning Ohno and his relationship with Nino. More in the next chapter! Promise!

I really hope you enjoyed it and as always, your comments, even the small ones, are <333!!! 

See you soon,
Andy ^_^