Author: Andy-chan (antimiya88)

Part 8

Nino squeezed his eyes unable to keep the eye-contact. He was still in the businessman’s arms; he could still feel the latter’s hot breath on his skin and that was almost excruciating for him… because he wanted to press his body closer, lock his arms around the firm waist, ask him to keep him like this… but he couldn’t.

“Please, Nino…”

Nino bit his lower lip. There was sadness and desperation reflected on these words. He lowered his head once the hand disappeared from under his chin. His heart was jumping in his chest, its rhythm being almost painful. He was trying to find the right words to articulate but it was in vain; the other had made both his mind and body freeze.

“Why?” The same question again.

Nino knew he had to say… something… “Because I… had to…”

“Is this the most convincing excuse you can come up with?”

Nino pushed the older man backwards freeing himself, before he turned his gaze to him. “It is the truth, Sakurai-san.”

“I’m not asking you why you left. Although, I can see you’re not properly healed…” a sigh escaped from the back of Sho’s throat before he continued. “I’m asking you why you left without even saying goodbye?”

“I…”

“Do you know how I felt when I came back to find you gone?”

“I… left a note…” Nino tried his luck to sound careless but he was lying, and he knew it. The same way he could tell the other knew it, as well.

“I had gone to buy us hamburgers… That night… I guess I wanted to… apologize…”

Nino couldn’t believe his ears. The other wanted to apologize? What for?

“Listen, Sakurai-san, I appreciate the fact that you were so kind to me. I really mean it, but, please, there was nothing to apologize for…”

He had noticed how the businessman flinched at the sound of his surname. Nino knew he was putting a distance between them… a distance unwanted but necessary for him. He had to distance himself; he had to overcome the need to be closer to the other.

“So, I’m Sakurai-san…” Sho didn’t dare to look the other in the eye. “I always wondered that… how you’d call me, since you always avoided it at home… I…” he took a deep breath before he stepped back, making the distance between them bigger.

“Please…” Nino begged. He couldn’t tell exactly what he begging for; the other to stop making it more difficult for him? To not give him the impression he could have a chance? “Stop… I’m… fine… I really… I mean really appreciate your concern and everything you’ve done for me. It’s way more than I could have ever expected or deserve. But I’m doing fine.”

“Uhm… I see…” Sho mumbled awkwardly taken aback. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry if I brought you in a difficult position. Maybe I pushed it more than I should have, I didn’t mean it. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable… like I’m guessing you’re feeling right now. I sometimes don’t know where to stop; how to approach people…” he let out a bitter chuckle. “Maybe it’s why not many people want to do anything with me…”

The latter phrase was whispered under his breath but it made Nino gasp. He hadn’t expected it… He felt guilty.

“I can see that you’re doing well.” The other man continued on the same sad tone. “And I’m happy for that. Sorry for appearing like this to your workplace… It… won’t happen again.”

Nino was seeing the businessman walking towards the door, and he had almost reached it when he called out his name. “Sakurai-san!”

Sho turned his head, frowning when he saw Nino hurrying towards him, standing in front of him.

“I admit I was shocked to see you here… but… I…”

“What, Nino?”

Nino’s jaw trembled. He could feel tears filling up his eyes. He was torn between fear and guilt; fear of asking the other not to go, telling him the truth, and guilt for making think that way of himself.

“I…” That ‘I’ came out weak, trembling… hesitant. And then he felt them, hot tears running down his cheeks.

“Nino? What’s going on?”

Nino opened his mouth but no sound came out. He heard a sound of a bag falling on the ground, right before two hands came to cup his face, making him feel weaker, more vulnerable.

“Why are you crying?”

He didn’t reply; he couldn’t. He was pulled into a hug, a mouth ghosting on top of his head, just like that night at the latter’s home. His arms came to close a bit higher than the waist. It was what Sho needed to tighten his hold around him, pressing him firmly against him.

Nino couldn’t count how many minutes had passed by. He couldn’t when the other was so close to him. He was inhaling deeply; trying to memorize the sensation, the scent… everything.

“Why do you insist on pushing me away?”

“Because I have to.” The words came out automatically.

“But why?” Sho insisted, making Nino look up at the other, probably the first time from this close.

“I’ve brought you enough trouble, Sakurai-san.” He said honestly. He knew he had. “You’re not the first… believe me. You found me beaten and abandoned… You’ve seen my marks… I’m sure you’re a smart person. These alone were enough to name me trouble, and it happened. You know it did; at work… with people important to you… I know it, too, which is why I decided it was time for me to leave. Why to postpone something inevitable? Your life and mine are too different.”

“It didn’t seem to me that way when we were watching TV or when we were having dinner together.” Nino bit his lower lip. “Why did you cry?”

“Please, Sakurai-san, go. My boss will be coming in any minute and I don’t want to find us that way and misunderstand.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“What I hear is an excuse to avoid answering my question.”

“It’s not… Please, Sakurai-san. Please!”

Nino saw the businessman sighing defeated. “I’ll leave but remember, you can’t fool me, Nino; the same way you can’t fool yourself.” The other caught the bag and turned around to leave. “And you didn’t bring me trouble. You gave me the chance to do something meaningful for the first time in my meaningless life. I swear, I’ll make you realize it, sooner or later.” And with that he left.

Nino saw his silhouette walking away in the darkness and subconsciously, opened the door. He had made a few steps when he realized there was no point in following the other, nor in stopping him. What could he say? He heard a car engine a few meters away and then the throttle being pressed. Finally, the car moved turning right at the first corner. Soon, it was completely silent. With a heavy sigh, he went back to the konbini, his body slightly trembling.

He was still lost in his thoughts when suddenly, he heard Ohno Satoshi’s voice next to him, startling him.

“Are you ok?”

“Eh? Ah… ye… yes.’

“You certainly don’t look like it.”

Nino sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I’m fine, just a little tired.”

“I’d say you look rather… shaken… Did something happen while I was away?”

“Eh? No. No. Nothing happened!”

“If you insist… You’re free to go.”

“But my shift isn’t over yet.”

“Yes, but I’d suggest you take some rest. I can handle the one or two customers that may appear at this hour.”

“Thank you.” Nino mumbled and hurried to the storage room to take off his konbini shirt. Once he came back, he found Ohno behind the cashier.

“And Nino?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t stay narrowminded.”

“What?”

“Just a small piece of advice. Now, go and stay out of trouble, ok?”

Nino gave a small nod, still frowning. What could the other mean by that?

***

Sho entered in his apartment, banging the door behind him. He didn’t know if he had done the right thing to visit him at work, but couldn’t help it. After everything Ohno Satoshi had told him, he felt an urge to go and find him. He didn’t know what he expected from this encounter. In the beginning, he’d thought he’d made the wrong choice. It had hurt him to hear Nino call him ‘Sakurai-san’. It felt… so proper and above all so… cold; as if they were two complete strangers. Then, he saw hesitance and vulnerability in the other’s eyes and body language. Once again, he hadn’t pushed him away when he hugged him. It was only with his words that he tried to enlarge the distance between them.

Defense… Sho thought as he took off his tie and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, right before he fell on the sofa in his living room. All he could think of was that unfinished sentence; it still lingered in his mind. And those tears… Nino wanted to tell him something… Something he was afraid of uttering… Once again, they had said more when they didn’t speak; as if the language was a barrier in their communication rather than a helping mean. He let his head lean back and closed his eyes. He could still feel the hotness of the other’s body… making him only desire to keep him so close to him forever.

Ohno had asked him to not give up and keep his faith in Nino… Something in the other man’s tone hinted there might be a chance the other had feelings for him... he couldn’t be sure if they were romantic but they were there… The sight of Nino staring at his car outside the small konbini right before he left was enough to convince him to not give up. They hadn’t managed to talk… really talk, but Sho was determined to try and open Nino’s eyes. He couldn’t judge him for having lost his faith in people. It’d be weird, if he actually had. He was human… and he didn’t deserve to have experienced any of this shit he had.

“I won’t give up on you, Ninomiya Kazunari… No matter how much time it takes. I’ll make sure you see yourself the way you should. I swear it!”

***

Still influenced by the businessman’s unexpected appearance at the konbini, Nino was wandering aimlessly around the streets without really paying attention where he was. He needed to put his thoughts in order… to understand what Sakurai Sho had meant with his last words… Ohno’s words… his wishes… He had never felt more confused in his life.

He sighed when he realized there was someone’s shadow in front of him, as if this someone was standing in front of him, blocking his way. Immediately, his senses alarmed. He looked up gasping when he came across a familiar, yet unwelcome, figure. His eyes focused on the other’s face which was decorated with an evil smirk.

Shit…

“Well, well, well… Look who’s here!” the young man in front of him told him, gaining the mocking laughs from his friends that appeared from behind the bushes.

“Did you miss us, Ninomiya?”

Nino made a couple of steps backwards. He had promised Ohno to stay out of trouble, yet he hadn’t paid attention to where he was going or whom was he coming across to.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” The other continued with the same tone, as he came dangerously close to Nino. “What happened? Did the rich old man who saved you that night already get bored?” Nino gulped. He tried to look where the others were when a hand made him look in front of him. “When I speak, you pay attention only to me.” Nino let out a shaky moan when the pressure turned too much. “Now, answer me. Weren’t you good enough? Where’s your talent gone?” the other came closer to him, so that their mouths were only a few centimeters apart. “From what I remember, you were quite eager to please, sissy… always happy to offer your little butt to me. Quite… entertaining despite being nothing more than a bet… or rather joke.”

Another load of mocking laughs. Nino closed his eyes tightly. No, he wouldn’t give him the pleasure to see him cry. Not this time. He had cried in the past… a lot… but this time, he wouldn’t.

“And I remember someone finishing too fast for being nothing more than a bet… or rather a joke.” Nino replied mimicking the other’s tone.

The other looked at him with frowned eyes before he burst into laughs. “Ah! The little puppy barked! That was refreshing, Ninomiya… But don’t think too high of yourself, dear!” the other said as he threw his left hand around Nino’s shoulders tugging him close to him, his mouth having found Nino’s right ear. “Think of yourself like a fuck doll. You see, back then we were teenagers. I would certainly have preferred to fuck a vagina but I couldn’t say no to an asshole offered to me so willingly.” The hand traveled south… from Nino’s back to his butt, groping him painfully. “It’s made to be screwed.”

Nino took a deep breath before he pushed the other away with as much force as he had. “FUCK YOU!” he screamed at the top of his lungs and started running, as fast as his legs could carry him. He needed to get out at the main street. Maybe, there, he’d escape from them. He could hear them cursing as they followed him. Normally, he wouldn’t reply. He would stay and accept their insulting comments, their beatings. But this time, it felt different. He couldn’t allow it; As if, out of the blue, he had enough. He saw a bus coming. He ran faster. He had to get away. He made desperate signals to the driver who caught sight of him.

Ten seconds later, he was inside the bus, panting. He saw the others making gestures but couldn’t care less. He was safe.

“Excuse me, Sir, which bus is this?”

“The 91.”

“It goes to the metro station, right?”

“Yes.’ The driver replied.

“Thank you.”

He went to sit at the back of the bus avoiding the few passengers’ curious gazes. He let his eyes look outside. His leg hurt but nothing close to his heart; not because the other’s words had hurt him, but because it was reminded to him once again one of the reasons he was not worth of falling in love with someone like Sakurai Sho, and why the latter was wrong.

---

Eleven years ago…

“Hey!”

Nino looked upwards surprised to find one of the older boys standing next to him.

“May I sit?”

“Of… course…” he mumbled not knowing what to expect.

“You don’t sound like you mean it…”

“No. Uhm… you can sit, Misuhara-kun.”

“Thank you, Ninomiya-kun. There’s something I want to give you.”

Nino frowned. “What?” It was that moment that he felt a pair of hot lips attaching softly to his cheek. He blushed, his heart beating faster.

“You are really cute, Ninomiya-kun.”

“I…” What was he supposed to say?

“I like you, I mean really like you.” The other continued as if had heard nothing.

“Eh?” Nino’s eyes bulged. He knew he was gay… It was years that he had discovered it and was fine with it, but he also knew that everyone else wasn’t… or at least, almost everyone else. He would always receive mocking comments from the boys at school and at the orphanage, and now, one of the older ones, one of the most handsome boys of the orphanage was telling him that he liked him.

“Would you like to go at the movies during our free time, this Saturday?”

Nino would swear his face was redder than fire. “You mean…”

“I’m asking you on a date, you little moron. So? Do you accept?”

Nino gulped but nevertheless nodded.

“Yes!” The other exclaimed, smiling widely. “You know, I wanted to come and talk to you for quite a long time now, but I was hesitating… I’m glad I decided to finally find the courage to say it!” Another kiss was placed on his cheek, this time a little closer to his mouth. “It will be our little secret!”

~.~.~

Nino covered his mouth as the other kept pounding in him. They were in one of the less visited toilet cubicles at the orphanage.

“Fuck… so tight…” The other growled and with that finished. Nino was still panting; he hadn’t found relief and hoped, this time, his boyfriend would touch him.

He turned around to find the other zipping up his jeans. “Thank you, as always…” and with that he left. Nino tried to push every negative thought away as he wrapped his hand around himself.

‘I’m just overthinking…’

They were going out for four months now. And it wasn’t that he was complaining… but after that afternoon at the movies they hadn’t been on any other dates. He knew the other was finishing high-school, and was busy but somehow, every time they met in secret in the orphanage they’d end up having sex. It wasn’t that it was bad but… something was missing, even if he couldn’t put it in words.

~.~.~

“How did you write?” Nino asked his boyfriend the moment he saw him coming back from school. He couldn’t wait for later. He was nervous.

“Good.” The other replied before he leaned closer so that he could whisper in Nino’s ear. “And now I demand my reward.”

Nino was led to his boyfriend’s dormitory. In the orphanage, they were sleeping in large rooms of six beds each. The moment the door closed Nino was led in the middle of the room and pushed on his knees.

“Do your magic, baby…”

Nino looked up at the other and smiled. He knew how much his boyfriend liked it when he was giving him a blowjob, and he wanted to make him feel good. They hadn’t seen each other much during these past few weeks due to the other’s university entrance exams.

The moment his hand went to his boyfriend’s pants button it hit him. “What if someone comes? They’ll discover-”

A finger was pressed on his mouth hushing him. “They are out partying. I didn’t stay because I wanted to see you. I have missed you…”

“Yuichi-kun…”

“Less talking and more performing… C’mon. Hurry!”

Nino didn’t speak again. He focused on his task, enjoying the way he heard the other moaning. He didn’t complain when the other pushed him on the ground and entered him with almost no preparation. It was a bit painful but he was becoming one with the person he was in love with, and that was enough for him to relax. Little by little, the pain gave its way to pleasure. He closed his eyes to feel it to his core. He was getting closer when he thought he heard something like a door opening. He froze.

“Yuichi-kun! They’re-”

“Shut up!” the other growled, his hands keeping him by the hips in place.

Nino’s heart clenched. There was something different in the way his boyfriend had spoken to him; something… hostile.

“Oh my God! Yuichi! You were right! He does moan like a little whore!”

“He really likes it!”

“Yeah!”

And then laughs. And then more laughs. Nino stopped breathing. He had heard it… Yuchi’s laugh among those of the others… Nino’s ears started buzzing suddenly, making the sounds come from far away… as if he wasn’t there. After a minute, he was thrown on the floor.

“Told you the sissy was a good fuck! And he’s so thin that with a little imagination, it was easy to fantasize that I was screwing some chick!”

More laughs were heard... insulting, mocking. Nino couldn’t stay there anymore. He pulled up his trousers, the best he could in his state, and ran out of that room. With a blurry sight, due to his heavy tears, he entered in his dormitory, luckily, finding no one inside. He fell on his bed, his gaze locking on the gray ceiling. He was a fool… the biggest fool to have believed he could be accepted and what is more…, loved. Everyone only wanted to have their way with him… he must have taken his lesson… but it seemed he hadn’t. He curled up to side, not wanting to talk to anyone. He was abandoned once again… He knew he shouldn’t have felt it as harsh as before but stubbornly the pain was there… different but also so similar.

He sighed. ‘I just have to accept that I’m useless…’

---

“If only you knew my past, Sakurai Sho…” he mumbled to himself as he looked out of the bus window in the dark night. “If only…”

***

Two weeks later…

“Again?”

Sho avoided to meet his friend’s interrogating gaze.

“Sho! Hey, Sho! I’m speaking to you!”

“I’m not deaf, Jun.” Sho replied when he pressed the number -2 once inside in the elevator.

“Yet you pretend to be one. Answer me! It’s been a month already!”

“I will do whatever it takes.”

“You’re practically stalking the guy!”

“I want to understand his lifestyle better. He won’t let me get closer… But I can’t do differently. I won’t allow those bastards or any other bastard touch one piece of his hair again! So, if that means I need to check on him from afar, I will!”

“Why won’t you talk to him?”

“I’ve visited him thrice, Jun. Thrice! When I had told him, I wouldn’t… Each time turning worse. The last time, he gave me the receipt and without saying a single word went to the small room at the back.”

“Why didn’t you follow him? He couldn’t escape from there.”

“First, he wasn’t alone. There was also his co-worker. I didn’t want to bring him in a difficult position or raise unnecessary questions. And second, I cannot put pressure on him. I don’t want him to talk to me because he feels cornered or obliged to. I almost ruined it with my visits. I don’t plan on ruining it again.”

“And you’ll continue like that? That’s your plan?”

The elevator doors opened at the garage. “For the moment, yes, Jun, that’s my plan. And now, excuse me but I have to go. Give my greetings to Masaki-kun!”

Sho didn’t wait for Jun’s answer. He hopped into his car driving towards the small konbini. He knew what he was doing wasn’t the best but couldn’t let the other be in trouble. He had seen the bruise on Nino’s face when he had visited the konbini the second time. The other didn’t want to talk to him and by force he’d succeed nothing. He had to keep an eye on him; make sure he stays out of trouble. For almost four weeks, now, he was happy to see that Nino was ok and would stay at home when not working. He had almost reached his destination when he heard his phone buzzing.

“Ohno Satoshi?” he muttered to himself confused as he pulled over to answer the call. “Yes? Ohno-san?”

“Sakurai-san? Are you at work?”

“No, I’ve finished.” Sho answered immediately, his heartbeat rising. The other sounded worried.

“Thank God. Look, something must have happened today. Nino didn’t come at work, neither did he reply any of my calls. He also ignored my texts. Ikuta-kun just informed me that he invited him to join him to a clubbing night. I would go there myself, but I’m alone today, so, I’d have to close the konbini, and I thought that maybe you would be the best to-”

“I’ll go.” Sho said cutting the other man off. “Just send me the address.”

“I trust you, Sakurai-san.” Sho knew well what the other meant behind these words.

“I’ll make sure he’s fine, Ohno-san. Don’t worry”

“Thank you.”

Sho pressed the throttle with force once he had the address, his hands clenching on the stirring wheel. Ni-chome…? What the hell are you thinking, Nino?

---

Sho found himself entering a small club in a dark dead-end alley. Certainly, it wasn’t one of the flashy clubs and bars that comes to mind when someone thinks of Ni-chome. This was rather a secluded one… he’d dare to name it even underground.

He had taken off his suit jacket and tie, in order not to attract too much attention. He looked around trying to distinguish figures as the neon lights were spinning around in a crazy rhythm, making the club look even more chaotic. There were people who were more or less hooking up in public, drunk, while others were dancing and laughing in an exaggerating way that made Sho guess it wasn’t only because of the alcohol but something far more dangerous. The suffocating was another proof.

He made it through the supposed-to-be dancefloor with difficulty as he had to push aspiring dancing mates aside, and endure touches on his lower part of his body. He tried not to think much of it, it wasn’t worth it anyway, and stay focused on his task which was to find Nino. He went to check the bar, but still no sight of him. There was only a couple of two young men, one on the other’s lap, going at it. Sho sighed.

“Where are you, Nino?” he whispered torn between exasperation and despair.

The more he stayed in that place, the more his heart was beating faster and faster. He didn’t like it. Why would the other seek a night out at such a club, in which it was clear that everyone was looking for nameless sex? No. The right word for it could only be fuck. He had lived with Nino and knew that the other wasn’t someone who’d accept it simply like that. He had been warned of not trying to have his way with him. Or… could it be just him? Sho shook his head to get rid of the last thought that had crawled into his mind. No… Nino wasn’t someone like this. To be in such a place… meant something had happened; something big. These people were trying to escape from reality. Sho bit his lower lip as he headed to the back of the club in hopes of finding him. Nino must have wanted the same. He looked around but still no sight of him. Has he already left?

He was about to go to the toilets when someone bumped onto his back with force. He turned around, ready to start cursing, just to be left with his mouth agape. His eyes met a familiar pale face and bleached hair. Nino…

“You!” the smaller man came closer letting his hand come and touch Sho’s cheek; a touch that made the businessman gulp. “It is you…!” A playful smirk was written on Nino’s lips, as his hand brushed the half-parted lips moving lower, caressing feather-like his neck, his collarbones, feeling Sho’s torso over the shirt, until it finally found his hand, taking it in his.

Sho was as if time had stopped. He couldn’t register what he was doing. Out of the blue, he found himself following Nino in the middle of the dancefloor hypnotized. It felt as if he was under a spell, not being able to react neither when the other threw his arms around his neck, nor when he pressed his body firmly against his, his mouth almost touching his ear.

“Dance with me, Sho…”

TO BE CONTINUED…

A.N. Sooo minna here’s chapter 8! ^_^ Nino wanted to speak but was afraid… he’s confused and feel he’s not worth of Sho… This time, we finally know a part of why he’s like that, as well as who the bastards who hit him are. As for why he went to that club, something has happened and it has to do with another part of his past… I can’t reveal much now. You’ll understand later. What matters is that Sho has found him!! ^^
I know I ended the chapter with a little cliffhanger again… but couldn’t help it! xP I promise you more Sakumiya in the next chapter!! Maybe it will be their chance to be more honest with each other?! We’ll see! ;) 

I really hope you enjoyed it and as always, your comments are <333!!!

See you soon,
Andy ^_^